Standing in Your Truth With Yanni
The podcast "Standing in Your Truth" will feature Yanni and a group of friends engaging in profound and intimate discussions on subjects such as mental health, finances, faith, and strategies for finding motivation during difficult periods. In this space, guests will be invited to share their life journeys, including the challenges they've faced and the obstacles they've overcome. This podcast aims to provide a platform for individuals to share their stories, ensuring that everyone's experiences are acknowledged, valued, and celebrated.
Standing in Your Truth With Yanni
Uncovering Authentic Connection Through Vulnerability
What does it mean to truly stand in your truth? In this deeply personal conversation, host Yanni welcomes Kelci for an exploration of self-worth, boundaries, and authentic connection that will resonate with anyone who's ever struggled to put themselves first.
The raw vulnerability begins immediately as Kelci admits how seeing others succeed serves as her primary motivation—a confession that opens the door to discussing deeper issues of self-confidence and people-pleasing tendencies. "I have all these things that I want to do, and I have it all written down," she shares, "and then I just close the notebook and put it back on my desk." This moment of honesty captures what so many of us experience: the gap between our dreams and our courage to pursue them.
Through a thoughtful game of "Not Really Strangers," the conversation flows naturally through topics that matter—protecting mental health, setting boundaries, and the challenge of answering honestly when someone asks "How are you?" Both women reveal their experiences carrying others' emotional burdens while neglecting their own needs, particularly as oldest siblings who learned early to care for everyone else. When asked what advice she'd give her younger self, Kelci doesn't hesitate: "Put yourself first all the time."
The most powerful moments come when discussing personal growth through life's challenges, including Kelci's journey through. Her story of finding the strength to leave reveals how self-advocacy develops over time—sometimes through painful experiences that ultimately lead to freedom. Whether you're working on establishing boundaries, finding your voice, or reconnecting with your worth, this conversation offers both comfort and courage for the journey ahead.
Ready to start prioritizing yourself without guilt? Listen now and discover what might be possible when you finally put yourself at the top of your own list.
Standing In Your Truth Podcast with Yanni Thomas
having open-ended discussions on anything from faith, finances, relationships and how to stay motivated during life's trying times. Make sure to follow on all social media platforms. The social media link is in the bio. Sit back and get ready to enjoy.
Speaker 2:Hello everyone, welcome to another episode of Standing Angel Truth Podcast. I am your host, yoni. How have you guys been? Literally, when I sat down I was like it's been a minute and that was not even on purpose. Life just was life in school and summer and everything. But guess what I'm done and I will try better to produce more podcasts in the coming months. With that being said, I have a guest here with me, so I'm going to let her introduce herself.
Speaker 3:My name is Kelsey and, oh, you can say whatever you want. Are you going to be like? Your name is Kelsey? Yeah, my name is Kelsey, because I'm about to let y'all have it All right, there, you go.
Speaker 2:All right, name is kelsey. Yeah, my name is kelsey because I'm about to let y'all have it all right. So we are gonna get to know her a little bit and then we'll get into the rest of the podcast. So what motivates you?
Speaker 3:um, what motivates me is I know it probably shouldn't, but seeing other people succeed, also, like you know, even if it's something small, like seeing what other people can do. Because I know like I'm not just like oh yeah, this is what I'm going to do, I'm going to do it. What not Like? I just I don't know. Maybe you can call me lazy. You know like I'm like I'm cool with where I'm at, but when I see other people doing stuff and all these things and just going on about their life, I'm like, dang, that's freaking cool. So it's like, yeah, let me work harder, let me work a little bit more, and so yeah, I just have a question.
Speaker 2:Yeah, do you think that that comes? Is there an issue with self-confidence of why you oh, 100%, okay, yeah, yeah, I'm getting better. Okay, I mean me too, girl, that's why I? Was like wait. I kind of know. I know that because I struggle with it yeah.
Speaker 3:And like in my head I have all these things like that I want to do, and even if we say, maybe the past five years, a few things that I've wanted to do, like for myself and small business type things, and I have it all written down and that's great on paper. And then I'm like, cool, now I'm going to close this little notebook back up and I'm going to put it back on my desk and it's just going to stay there, like there's not that extra little, like yeah, we're going to get this done.
Speaker 3:So yeah, you have to work on that Cause I'm going to tell you this from I had ideas and I do believe things that God has put in my heart and I mapped it out, sat on it, and then now I see people doing it and I'm like, and I'm like I had that idea, yeah, why didn't I?
Speaker 2:freaking, do it. Yeah, so now I'm in the opposite where I should. I wish you the blind email in a second or I will start something in a second but also my issue, which is why, like I offer life coaching, slash mental health coaching. Yeah, I put it out there.
Speaker 2:Now have I put prices out there or anything else? No, I know. I started the process, just how he completely finished it. But yeah, I understand. A hundred percent, all right, okay. So how do you protect your mental health? 100%, all right, okay. So how do you protect your?
Speaker 3:mental health Now going well. And I say this, and the people that have noticed, I have not been to church in like a month, except for today. I finally went today. But going to church reading certain scriptures I don't, and I'm being honest, I don't read my Bible like I should. So I can't say like, oh, being in the word because truth is I'm not, but honestly, just talking to God about it. I used to be so like my mental health was shit. I'm going to be honest. And I found myself always going to other people, going to people and well, what do you think and what do you think about this and how should I go about that? And it was not good. I mean, people didn't steer me the wrong way, but I wanted validation, I wanted to seek that from, from people, and I shouldn't have of you know. And so, um, yeah, now it's just, and I did. I did go to therapy for a little bit too. So when people say, oh, therapy's dumb, it doesn't help, and this isn't that. First of all, I'm like what.
Speaker 3:When I realized I was the problem, it was like, holy cow, what have I been doing all these years? You know just pointing the finger at someone else and you know being like I'm good and I'm fine. And I realized there was so much more trauma that I was just slapping a bandaid over and letting people treat me how they wanted to and being like, oh well, it's just because they're going through something, or you know, that's just how they are and no, that's not okay. And so now I think within the last, maybe about two or three years, you know going to therapy and going to church and knowing myself, now I can catch on to when I'm overwhelmed or feeling anxious or when someone says something and I'm like I don't like the way that I feel. No, let me. Okay, this is how I should approach this, instead of lashing out and I mean honestly being crazy, because I have been before.
Speaker 2:I mean so yeah, no, it's, that's what I think. If you go to therapy and you have a therapist, part of it is, yes, to help you unpack, but also to give you coping skills to where you can navigate every day in life, because your therapist most times anyway, is not just in your back pocket. Yeah, like you know, you go see her or him, maybe once a week. I think the least amount of time I went was once every two weeks when I first started, and then it went to once a month and then I stopped for about a year and a half.
Speaker 2:I'm back now and I wear everything.
Speaker 3:I really want to start going back again just because I know that my mental state has gotten better, but there are still little things that I know that I struggle with, and I really do have to. Of course, if I'm by myself, I have to sit in silence and be like, okay, why am I feeling this way and what did so-and-so do or what did they say to make me feel like this and can? How can I approach them differently without just being full attack mode? Yeah, you know to where it's going to end up, blowing up into something a thousand times worse than what it really is. Yeah, and so?
Speaker 2:yeah, it definitely also. I think, just because you went to therapy once, you know a lot of us are in different seasons. Different seasons come with different challenges. Yeah, and I think it's always good to have a safe person to unpack and to kind of guide you in the direction you need to go healthy, watch it and guide you, but it don't mean.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:A different, a different conversation anyway. How do you um what's your self-care routine? Um self-care like mentally or just like I know you go to the gym oh, yeah, okay, yeah.
Speaker 3:So now, yes, I, I do go to the gym, yeah, so self-care. At first I didn't think of the gym as really self-care because back then it was my job. Yeah, so it was my job to be there and it was my job to take care of everyone else and for those people to unpack. People think, you know, even with coaching, when I was at Midland Christian, you know people think like, oh, you just tell the kids what to do and what to run. And I'm like Deanna understand that some of these kids are adopted into these families and when they come to me and they have the hard, you know, coach Falcon, are your parents still married? Yeah, my parents have been married for now like 34 years, you know. Well, you know my parents are. And why didn't my parents love me to keep me? Why is this happening?
Speaker 3:And it's like I'm the adult here and I'm supposed to tell you, like I'm supposed to give you advice, like what you know, even at the gym, you know it's like, okay, yeah, let's start the class, lift this weight, blah, blah, blah. But then you have people that stay after and you just get into these deep conversations and when the conversation's done, an hour later you sit in your car and you're like, oh my gosh, like not only am I going through stuff, but you are too, and I still have to go home and cook dinner. And you're on the back of my mind and then what I'm gonna do at work tomorrow and how this is gonna be, it's a lot, yeah. So now, now going to the gym, as just, I guess you could say, a member or an athlete, it's like oh, this is, this is nice, you know, or um what? And then I picked up golf, so going to all that, so how is that going for you?
Speaker 3:I love it. I'm actually and not to toot my own horn, but I'm actually pretty good Like I, like I, I really am. But I went into it. At first it was just like, oh, hey, I'm gonna go golf. Do you want to come with me? Yeah, cool. And it was like, oh, this is kind of fun being the athlete that I am. Though it was like, oh, I want to be good at this.
Speaker 3:Though, like you know, and anyone that I've met, especially that you know, going to all the golf courses people are like you know, how long have you been playing? And I'm like, oh, no, don't, just because I dress the part, yeah, it does not mean. But they're like it never gets easier. And you're always going to be mad. And I'm like, oh, and now, yes, it does not get easier. And I'm always mad Because I'm like why is my ball going off this way, when my hips are pointed this way? How did my wrist turn out? But anyways, even besides all that, it is just to go out there and just to hit and go search for my ball and probably lose five of them, but I'm still all right with it.
Speaker 2:I try to pop golf in Lubbock once I suck. My ball never registered, I guess, for the yards.
Speaker 3:Oh yes, you had a zero. Mom never registered, I guess, for the yards or whatever. Oh yeah, so you had a zero score, yeah.
Speaker 2:Aaron definitely beat me Just a second. I mean he'd be saying that stuff, but anyway, yeah. But yeah, that's like, that's cool. Maybe one of these. I need to go when it's not hot, though.
Speaker 3:See, and I don't mind being out there when it's hot, nope.
Speaker 2:I wouldn't mind trying to and get like to go. Yeah, they broke off. Uh-huh I, when it's hot, I, yeah my attitude. I should not be that way. I'm working on it. What advice would you give your younger self?
Speaker 3:put yourself first put yourself first all the time, because for years I have always put other people before me, I have put men before me and, yeah, I have never just done it for me until recently. And I mean and I say that lightly because I still really do work on that but I also know that I really do have like a giving heart, and so I just want to give and I want to keep giving and I want to help and do all that, and then I sit back at the end of the day and I'm like well, what did you do for yourself, you know? And so that's where the boundaries come in, and um, but yeah, no, I can relate to that.
Speaker 2:I serve and serve. And, um, I have a friend, megan. I was talking to her one day. I was like I'm here helping everyone and I don't even have a college degree to get the job that I want to be able to provide another life for myself.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Which is one of the main reasons why I got into school and I did step down from some things where I was serving at, because I was like I got to focus and pour a little bit into me.
Speaker 3:So that way.
Speaker 2:I can then pour more into my community, because my end goal is to become a LPC. I would like to have my own practice and be able to serve and help my community, see how amazing they are, and do that while you're on the road. You need to actually go Exactly, understand that.
Speaker 2:And I know you have siblings. So what is? Where are you in the line of I'm the oldest? Okay, that was going to be my. Okay, so I'm the oldest, yeah, so so when you were talking about it, I was like I wonder if she just happens to be the oldest, Because I think automatically when being the oldest, our parents probably don't realize it, but you know we're helping your sibling automatically, so it's a trait that we learn to just care for everyone else.
Speaker 3:So the crazy thing is at work I have seen it a lot recently where the mom comes in and you know she has three, four kids and she, the mom, is telling like the, the oldest, let's say the daughter like go take care of your brother, go get your brother, don't let him run around. Or the mom is just completely oblivious and is doing what she needs to do and worrying about herself and naturally the oldest kid is running around doing what she is with the little one. And so for us, as far as I remember, my mom wasn't like that, my mom was more so. She'd be like, hey, who's the mom here? And I'd be like, all right, my bad, like I'm just trying to help you out. But when my baby sister which she's now 21, 22, but when she was little we're 10 or 11 years apart, I want, she was like my real life baby doll. So if I ever heard her cry, I would go into my mom's room and be like what's wrong with her mama, like can I hold her? Like I wanted to be there for her. And that's where my mom would be like, hey, I got her, like you know, let me, and so, but yeah, being the oldest, naturally, not even just for myself, but I think we just put it on us. Like you know, you have to be the strongest and don't show your siblings that you're weak and be the example. That way they can see what you're doing.
Speaker 3:I even have some of my aunts like their kids are younger and I've heard it from one of them where she's always like she tells her daughter she's a senior this year. You know, like you should, you should want to be like Kelsey. You know Kelsey travels and Kelsey does this. And I'm like do you not know that? I'm like I'm kind of messed up in the head a little bit and I'll, and I'll be like don't do it. Like it's a trap. I'm like, oh good, you know it's, it's nice, but sometimes I'm like, is it just a front that I'm putting up? You know, and it's hard, because I don't really know if my siblings have ever really seen me cry or have ever been like are you OK? Like you know, do you need to talk or whatever? Like I don't just text my siblings and be like, hey, this is what's going on and yeah.
Speaker 2:Me neither, yep. So they always ask me how are you doing? And I say I think they're doing good, like I'll check, I'll check in on, yeah, but no, it's one of those things where it's and I'm, I think margaret's a two-year gap, 10, 10 and a nine year, a little sister, um, and she's just became a, a rn for pediatrics I say just became that's.
Speaker 2:She did not just become. She's been there for about maybe a year, a year and a a half. Yeah, my little brother's married and has a baby. But yeah, no, I check on him. It's very rare that it comes back, you know.
Speaker 3:Yeah, hey.
Speaker 2:I need to check on you, and it's not all of my siblings, oh, okay.
Speaker 3:I have a brother more on my dad's side, you know. But I have a really good family and we have amazing parents and the way that we were brought up and raised, you don't hear that a lot. Like you don't hear having good relationships. Like my siblings, we've never not spoken to one another. We've never called each other ugly names, we've never fought Like you know, we may bicker here and there, but it's never been anything. I've never said, oh, I'm not talking to my mom right now. To me, I'm like you don't talk to your mom? Why, like, what happened? Was it that serious? You know, like that's it really is. And so when my siblings come to me and you know they're like oh well, mama was saying this and daddy said this and blah, blah, and I'm like hey, like they're telling you for your own good, you know they're not attacking you. I'm like y'all need to see how I'm seeing now, you know, like a buffer, yes, and so, but yeah, why were we talking about that?
Speaker 3:It was the advice you would give to your younger what is one moment that shaped or changed your life? Um, man, um, I mean, if we want to say like recently, uh be whatever you want yeah, because I don't.
Speaker 3:I don't think there's been like anything traumatic in my life. Um, of course, going through breakups are rough, but I think the most recent breakup, a year ago, that, straight up how would I say it that wrecked me like I couldn't. It was from. It was from literally like one, like one moment to the next, where it was like I'm done, this is it and I have.
Speaker 3:I had a, we had a home together, we had vehicles together, like we had a life, we have. I mean, he has a daughter. So we I had a family. Yeah, you know, I, I had a whole family and I thought that was like it for me. And so when it was like no, this isn't working, it was like what do you mean? Like how, and just things that were said, and having to call my parents at four o'clock in the morning and being like hey, y'all have to come help me get my stuff out. I wasn't gonna wait until the next day and, you know, you know my parents, like I said, they're great they went in two different vehicles and we packed up my stuff and I was like, wow, this is really happening, like I, honestly I couldn't believe it.
Speaker 2:Do you shock yourself that she stood up for yourself?
Speaker 3:Yes, yes, and to this day I think that's what makes me more emotional is because it's like I did that, like I did for you, and I could have stayed. I and I think back even, like where I'm at now and I'll kind of second guess and be like, why did I just stay? Why didn't I just say, hey, let's go to bed and we'll talk about this tomorrow, you know? But it was like, ok, no, you want me to leave, then I'll leave, like kind of like I'll show you, you know, and um, but anyway, yeah, that I think that did and that I was already going to church, but I think that really put me in it more. And that is also when it was like it's just you and god, you got in your and your family.
Speaker 2:Whatever you need.
Speaker 3:Yeah, exactly and so. But yeah, that was it was wild.
Speaker 2:Well, from you starting this podcast and saying you know self-confidence is in you, working through, to then saying your biggest moment is recently, when you set up for yourself, I would say you're definitely taking steps towards, I guess, building your sense of believing in yourself and knowing that what you deserve and what you don't deserve, yeah, so kudos to you.
Speaker 3:Yeah, what did the kids say? Somebody did that at church to me today Clock it, it's, clock it, right. I don't even know, but I was like it was Kat. So, kat, if you're listening to this, I don't know what she was talking about. She probably sent you the clock it yeah, it yeah. And I was like you know, I thought what does that mean? Because to me, when people do this, I think of the little violin.
Speaker 2:You know, when they're like no no, oh man, I know you're talking about my nephew. Yeah, nowadays, this thing that clock you're like, but what is that? I think, oh gosh, if anyone goes into this like you, better explain that you tag it or put in a comment or something. But I think, clock it is like to me. It kind of reminds me like period poo, like oh, okay, like how do you explain that?
Speaker 2:um, like that it was good, no, or like it is what it is. Or did you catch that? Clock it like. Did you catch that? Clock it like I? There was a thing I posted on my facebook and it was like not everyone is there for your good, oh yeah, make sure you clock it, meaning like, watch it like oh, okay, okay, got it, got it yeah okay, somebody's gonna be like that is not what that means, my bad yeah anyway. Um, what is your mindset when you're told no or a door shut?
Speaker 3:My mindset immediately goes to I failed, I'm a failure, I'm a disappointment.
Speaker 2:Really. Yeah, that makes sense. Actually, I can see how you get there.
Speaker 3:Yep, and it's not often that, I guess, I'm told no but, when I am, it's like what did I do wrong? Like I immediately think that like I, like I was told no. But when I am, it's like what did I do wrong? Like I immediately think that like I was the problem, yeah, yeah, and that is something that I need to work on.
Speaker 2:I mean sometimes Dean, and sometimes they do be us, but sometimes they don't be us. Yeah, All right guys. So I'm quite excited about this. I don't know if you guys know the game Not Really Stranger. It kind of walks you through to be able to like icebreaker game, to get to know the people you're playing the game with. I've played it with Erin, I've played it with Erin's family, but I get to play it with Kelsey today, so I'm excited. So you have different levels. I think we're going to draw two cards each from each one and we both have dig deeper cards, so if we feel like the other one is not digging deep enough, we can play it and we get to use it once. This should be exciting.
Speaker 3:I'm excited.
Speaker 2:Do you want to go first?
Speaker 3:My heart is racing just a little bit. Oh wait, You'd like for me?
Speaker 2:to pull. Yeah, you pull. And then I guess, oh, that's right, yeah, let's see, all right. Oh, wow, oh gosh, what is my body language telling you right now? Right now, uh, I think you're chilling. Right now, nothing's cross. Cross usually kind of means like standoffish, yeah, but no, like you just relax and lean back in the chair. So that's what I cool, okay, I like it and then I go straight to crossing the line.
Speaker 3:I'm like, maybe because she had a purse well, this would be a good one.
Speaker 2:What was your first impression of me? You?
Speaker 3:were bubbly. Yeah, you were just bubbly and you, you like, were not afraid. Man, when did we meet?
Speaker 2:I'm sure I think about that so fun fact for those who don't know Kelsey and I started together in the Young Adults Ministry at Hope Alive Church. But I'm trying to think when did I meet you? I don't think I met you at the gym. I think I met you at church. Yeah, and I think it might have to be honest with you.
Speaker 3:I think what it think, but I just remember watching you go through church and I was just like, oh, like you were just so, like you just were carefree. You just talked to everyone. And even though, like my professions, I've done or I do what I do when I talk in front of people I get so nervous. Oh, me too, girl. You didn't seem like it. I probably was sweating in the inside.
Speaker 2:Yeah. But yeah that's what I thought it'd be Same one, right?
Speaker 3:Yeah, let's see. Do you think I've ever checked an ex's phone for evidence? Girl probably I've never Really my whole entire life. I have never, Because I don't want to hurt my own feelings.
Speaker 2:I have never. Well, I didn't check her phone, I really didn't check it. I logged on to the laptop.
Speaker 1:Now don't get me wrong. I thought of it. It all popped up.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I was like see that it all popped up. Yeah, see that this is what we're walking into. The whole conversation it was when Zoom was a thing, a site, one of those two, so the video was done, but the chat was still there. Oh no, anyways, what character would I play in a movie? The what?
Speaker 3:I mean, what the heck? What character Dang? That's a good question. What character would you be in a movie? I don't know.
Speaker 2:I think if I had to play like, if I had to answer this own question for myself, I probably would say like someone's mom or something.
Speaker 3:You'd be in a comedy for sure.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, no, I couldn't. My acting skills suck.
Speaker 3:So if it's a comedy. I don't know if I'm going to make it. I was in theater in junior high and high school.
Speaker 2:No, I did it in junior high. I loved it Sarah why are you over there, sarah?
Speaker 3:Oh, like the robot.
Speaker 2:No, no, you're right, I would need a. You're right, I would need a comedy, for sure yeah yeah, cause I don't know. You told me cry on scene.
Speaker 3:It probably won't happen as you can tell my voice is cracking everywhere, let's see.
Speaker 2:I guess. So wait, the first one was what you thought of each other. What's the second one connection?
Speaker 3:oh okay, wild card, ask a question. You'd be too afraid to ask Something you wouldn't dare to ask. Ask a question you'd be too afraid to ask, like to each other, or just to anyone.
Speaker 2:I guess either one I don't know, I'm assuming to each other, but I really don't have a question that I would be too afraid to ask Me either. I think you should drop it at the car, okay, yeah, me too.
Speaker 3:I was like I don't know. Yeah, I don't even know how to answer that one. Is there a feeling you miss?
Speaker 2:That is good. It's a feeling that I can tell you, one that I do not miss, which is like I feel like when you're in a toxic home life or a toxic relationship and you're like the anxiety and on edge of like what's really going to happen. Now I don't miss it. So now I just go how? Can you become a better person but um, um, I can.
Speaker 3:I know that I can become a better person by not allowing my feelings to take an effect right away and have, um, have the have the reaction that I I shouldn't have, because I've I've done that for years where, if, if I see something, if I hear something, or whatever the case is, I immediately I not that I get angry, but I'm so hurt so I go from like zero to a hundred and I just get super emotional and I cry. And my thing is I want to know why. Why did you say that? Why did you do this? Why did you treat me this way? Why? Why was I not enough? Like tell me why. I don't want to hear, just, I don't know, I don't know. No, you, you do know, so tell me why I don't know Cause my.
Speaker 2:So tell me why. Out of my system, because I'm the opposite, I go like real chill to it, like I don't want to say.
Speaker 3:I'm tempered, but like, like defensively, I think that may be yeah, because I'm not like spiraling, but it's just like a disbelief type thing.
Speaker 2:I guess, but I'm right there with her.
Speaker 3:Am I on two, yes, another wild card. What is up with you, these wild? Cards both players write an embarrassing fun fact about yourselves. Play a game of rock paper scissor.
Speaker 2:Loser must reveal I'm trying to figure one. Do that, I don't know.
Speaker 3:At first I don't think I was gonna say uh, I don't think I've had anything embarrassing. Don't pick a wild card, I don't think that was embarrassing though yeah, I thought it was only. Have you ever have you changed your mind about anything recently?
Speaker 2:um, yes, I've changed my mind on the fact that I cannot do a lot of things like so I started a marketing company for non-profits and have I put it out there? No, because I felt like a lot of marketing companies, you know, odyssey. None of them really have washington. The ones that I've met I have not really had the passion for, not. Uh, yeah, sure, someone does, but anyway, someone you can do it. Certify life, a, it's a mental health. I'm certified to do it and I can do it. I just don't do it. Um, I changed my mind on the fact that you can do it. Just try finishing. Yeah, that's my thing, I can have a you can do it, just try Finishing.
Speaker 3:Yeah, that's my thing, finishing it.
Speaker 2:I can have a great start and even point it out.
Speaker 3:That's what I'm saying, and then it goes in my desk.
Speaker 2:I don't know why they got so many wild cards. Okay, when you're asked how you are, how often do you answer that question? Never, really.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I'm using my go deeper. Why, um, I don't know? Because most times and it's not that I'm afraid to share, because I, I do share, but I don't want people to be like you're talking about this again, you feel this way about this again for the fifth, sixth, tenth time, and it's old and it's redundant. And to other people it's like well, it's just easy to do, it's just easy to do it. Just, you know, blah, blah, blah. And I'm like but it's not for me, you know.
Speaker 3:And so another thing too is, if I'm going through something, you're probably also going through something. So it's easier for you just to tell me what you're going through and let me help you, even if I just listen rather than me tell you, because, not to be mean, but at the end of the day, I'm still going to do what I want to do, you know. And so it's like no, like I'm good, you know how are you. And then, nine out of 10 times, people usually just start sharing and I'm like okay, like yeah, and then it does make me feel better because I'm like, oh, like you know, they trust me to talk to me about things like that. But then, at the same time, it's like how do I do it? Yeah?
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's another reason why I got into therapy is because one thing the Lord has blessed me with, a lot of people say I'm like the easy decision. One thing the Lord has blessed me with a lot of people say I'm like the easy decision and especially, probably going through extra training where I can help guide a conversation to where I can figure out what's actually going on. Yeah, but it got to a point where, because some of it is light, it can be very heavy. Yeah, so I had to go to therapy to figure out, okay, hey, so yes, I do have my own stuff going on, but yes, I do want to get into mental health. So how do I cope with navigating? Um, you know, carrying my neighbor's burdens while carrying my own burdens? Yes, um, but also still being a light and being present to those in front of my face? Yeah, um. And then I was a couple months ago and they posted it was my thing was. I thought part of carrying the burden was coming up with an answer for me or whatever.
Speaker 2:Well, I don't have to come up with the answer to help you navigate it, to walk with you. God comes up with the answer I'm just here to support. So that's kind of has helped me to where, when individuals do want to unload, it's easier for me to digest now because you know I can give you advice if you want the advice, or I can just listen. But I have to remember, most times they're not really coming to you for the solution for the problem.
Speaker 2:I'm not God, so we're both going to pray, and we're going to pray for the Lord to make something happen for you, because he can. And in the meantime, yes, I will encourage you, I will uplift you, I will pray for you, I will walk with you through it.
Speaker 3:I do not have to. And I think another thing too is, you know, when you do open up, or when I have opened up to someone and it can be, you know, semi deep or deep, and them checking in and sometimes like I'll read it and I'm like I'm fine, like you don't have to check in on me, you know, and that it's like, hey, you know, like you just told them what was going on, like it's okay for them to do that, because when it's me, I I have so many messages where I'm like, hey, just checking, just checking on you, checking in on you, you know, hope you have a good day. But I don't like it when somebody else does it to me.
Speaker 3:yeah you know um but yeah, but when they so do you appreciate it. You don't appreciate it when somebody else does it to me.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you know, but yeah, but when they so, do you appreciate it or you don't appreciate it at all when they check in.
Speaker 3:I do appreciate it. It just in that moment it's like I'm fine, you know.
Speaker 2:But then I'm like, Are you?
Speaker 1:really fine no.
Speaker 2:I'm not fine.
Speaker 3:But I'm just like I'm okay, uh yeah, but I think too like uh, cause what was the question again? Uh how often? Because I have two things in my head that I want to say and I'm like I'm like, uh, I don't know, I don't hit the card yet.
Speaker 2:Um, when you're asked, how are you? How often do you answer? Oh, yeah. Often do you answer oh, yeah, yeah, okay, yeah, yeah. But I think the average person doesn't and to me I'm the honest with you it depends on the person asking the question.
Speaker 2:To me, yeah, like if I see you are a, um, a safe person and someone that maybe can to handle whatever, I'm going to tell you maybe it's a safe breath. Um, then I might, yeah, but no, I've been burnt by a lot of friends, same. So I quite often will tell someone I'm yeah, and if I'm not, especially if you don't follow up with, are you sure?
Speaker 3:or something.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm chilling, I'm going to keep pushing and I probably will let you even then tell me that you're not fine and let you have tell me whatever's going on with you. And I would just.
Speaker 3:Especially at church. There are certain people that because I usually get to church early, so I get there and I'm just scrolling on my phone and they'll come up and they'll be like hey, how's it going? I'm like, hey, I'm good. And then it's like they look at me and they're like are you good? And immediately my heart starts racing and I'm like, yeah, and I know that I break eye contact. And then they sit down or they just like hold their hand out or they'll hug me and I'm like, oh, and then it just all comes out you know the safe, safe place. Yeah, um, it really does, yeah. And then I'm like, but anyway, I'm fine, I'm fine and then it goes back to the what's the same.
Speaker 2:I it's. Sometimes it's okay to not be okay. Yeah, you just can't like it. I think it's okay to not be okay. Yeah, you just can't. I think it's okay to not be okay to spend some time in the idea of not being okay.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:But not to just make that a permanence.
Speaker 3:Yeah, at some point you have to get up, I think, because for years, yeah, for years, it was always I don't know why I just I had this mindset that I wasn't really supposed to feel anything or show people, mindset that I wasn't really supposed to feel anything or show people. And with again, with training, with coaching, like I had to be there. I felt like I had to be there for all these other people and so, no, don't, don't let them know what's going on. You know, be the strong one, be the one that has it together, hold it together. Um, let them confide in you, but don't, don't let them know, don't show them your, your week, you know, and, um, yeah, that.
Speaker 3:And then I, after a while, then that's when I was like, oh yeah, I need to, I need to go to therapy, because that's not okay, like I should be able to be like, hey, you know what? Yeah, you're right, I'm sad today. Or, you know, I'm a little upset today, or today just wasn't a good day, or whatever, because I've told people for years like I don't really have bad days and I'm like you're such a liar. You do have not a bad day, but an off day, you know, but I don't. I guess it's one where, like I don't take it out on people, yeah, but inside like I'm screaming and I'm like, yeah, but yeah, there's nothing wrong with you know not taking out on.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm realizing you know the game is called Night of the Strangers, but I'm realizing they're very similar. You can go to that number, Okay.
Speaker 3:Based on what you know about me. Do you have any Netflix recommendations?
Speaker 2:Let's just back up here. I watch Netflix with erin, so I really don't watch it that often okay do you watch any like hulu, apple, anything on your? Own time to time. Um shoot, let me think I probably do have some, but I don't have to like really look at my stuff and see what I've watched okay, I just, I just started, I just spent, I just started. It's the braces. You say it all yourself.
Speaker 3:Yes, there's a show on Apple TV called Shrinking. Oh, what's that? Three therapists oh, it's so good though it's funny. So it's not just all serious, but like seeing how they are like with their patients and how they take them outside of. Just how are you feeling? Why do you think that makes you feel that way, treating them like a human? It's a. It's a really good show, while dealing with life, literal, literal, life changing things. Yeah, I don't want to spoil it for you, but if you have time, definitely watch. It's really good yeah.
Speaker 2:We watch a lot of like rom-coms. If I watch TV by myself, I like SWAT Really. I've watched all of it and I'm watching it all over again. So we're and last night he turned it off mid like episode and I said, oh, it's getting ready to get good and he looked at me and he said you already watched it.
Speaker 3:I said, no, I you already know, I know.
Speaker 2:That's why I know it's about to be good, that's a good thing, but I had no problem watching it, so I have to go see what we want. I like a lot of like romantic movies, me too, those are my things. I like to cry, even though Straw was a good one. Did you watch Straw, charlie Perry's Straw? Oh yeah, that one. Yeah, that one was good. That one kind of gave me. It lit a little fire in me to like it was a reminder to you. Know everyone, people are going through.
Speaker 3:Yeah, to pay attention.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3:So for sure. So fun fact is well, I didn't finish college, but I started college with the idea of I want to be a teacher, I want to be a coach of. I want to be a teacher, I want to be a coach. So my Kines degree halfway through it changed to I wanted to do psychology, I wanted to learn about how people can, why people think this way, to be a counselor or therapist, and that has been on me since I was 19 years old. So what you're waiting on, I know, I know I'm waiting for my damn feet to just start moving and being like this is where we're going and this is what we're gonna do, because over the years I've had close friends that had that, have had mental health problems, and I've seen it in men, and now it's just like let's let do this, let's fix this, let me help you, and so yeah, I know.
Speaker 2:So technically, right now I'm at Odessa College getting my bachelor's in entrepreneurship and leadership. It's pretty much this management degree but it's not called that. And then I will then switch over to UT and get my master's Nice and then hopefully they still have it but anyway I will.
Speaker 3:How's jessie doing?
Speaker 2:I honestly, I think about it more than you can imagine, if you don't want to start, it just start and then you can, you know, figure out, navigate. But from there my thing was somebody asked me why I was doing business like, well, my dream is to own my own business.
Speaker 2:Yeah, which you know the therapy part comes with a master's right and I don't know how, to, you know, run the business what it takes on that end and then throw in the master's degree not to hang. That's so awesome. I'm like when I tell you I keep, I'm like so ready to be out of oc, but I know I can't rush the season of my life, but I really wanted to be out of oc so I can get to ub, so I can get to those courses. But at the same time, lord's like what if I still do the same thing right now? A smaller level, yeah, because I mean, if your mental health diagnosis is too, I guess, too big for me, but to where you may need a therapy, but if it's like something where you see a little coaching, yeah, I got you, got you yeah but yeah, wait, what number are we on?
Speaker 2:three, right? Yes on a one anyway, if you could prescribe me one thing to do for the rest of the month, what would it be and why?
Speaker 3:oh, commit to the gym. Or, for a month, one day out of the week, just go to the driving range around 6, 30, 7 o'clock at night, just to try it. Where is that? Even at? At Ratliff? Oh, they have snakes out there.
Speaker 2:I've seen.
Speaker 3:But I've heard that they do. But the driving range is just aligned and you're in one spot, so you're not on the course. Oh, okay, trying to find your ball, you're just hitting. Yeah, try it.
Speaker 2:But can.
Speaker 3:I do either one or just golf, Honestly either one, okay, I'll mind to just golf.
Speaker 2:Uh, honestly, either one, okay, I'll let you. I could probably do for sure the gym, because I've been going like here recently how nice I go to. Um, oh, that's the college, we get our gym membership, oh yeah.
Speaker 3:So I just go over there, either walk outside or I do the inside, like the looks for treadmill uh-huh I guess ac's on, but it's hot I feel like fresh, but you can change it if you need to that's fine.
Speaker 2:That was a complete side note but, yeah that's what, and I really want to do 75 hard again because I think what I lack in my life is. That's why I started going to mcginn. Yep, yeah, because that's two workouts every day. One has to be outside 45 minutes. Each gallon of water and pages think Paige is going to die.
Speaker 3:So funny is I got this little, not a Hydro Flask, what is it? Hydra Peak, okay Okay, it was still expensive. It's cute, it's a mind thing. I would drink water, you know, from a water bottle or whatever, with this little bad boy throughout the day. It's probably about right under like a bottle water, because I've put one in there before. I'm not kidding, I probably drink about five to six a day. Oh, because it's a cute cup, yeah, and I'm like why didn't I do this years ago? Like what? But yeah, it's a mind thing.
Speaker 2:So I'm just like gotta drink my water I have a cup, but mine is like a mine is. I think that's. Mine is a high, mine's bigger with the handle, oh, uh, huh, um, but it the straw goes down and I put stickers on it to make it look like it's a cup.
Speaker 3:Oh, I literally take this, I pull it down everywhere with me.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, I could take the other one. I just, like you said, it's a mind thing, it really is I, I put on some clothes or I see myself in the, which reminds me I saw you at Trish's baby shower picture and I literally like zoomed in and I was like she looks good. Talking to Aaron. I was like how she looks good. And he was like thanks.
Speaker 3:I've been a little hard on myself recently, but why?
Speaker 2:you look good in that dress. Like seriously, I was like oh my gosh.
Speaker 3:I think, cause when I started going to the so obviously you know, breakup was a year ago I tried. Did I work out? You know what I'm lying? I didn't. After everything happened, I thought, oh, whatever, but I lost weight instead of gained weight. So then I had gotten like really skinny and then so January came and it was like come to the gym, come to the gym. And I was like you know what, okay, fine, I. It was like come to the gym, come to the gym. And I was like you know what? Okay, fine, I'll go to the gym.
Speaker 3:And my first thought was what are people going to say? I had lost weight, but then I had gained weight and I definitely didn't have the muscles when I. I didn't have the same muscles from when the last time people saw me, and so it's like, oh, they're going to think I look disgusting and I can't lift the weight that I used to like. I was in my head about it, yeah, and I wore like big shirts, and I still do. But, um, yeah, because it's just, I mean, I think, from doing it for so long and people seeing me a certain way and then to not seeing me that way, it's like, girl, what happened to you.
Speaker 3:You know, and I shouldn't care about that, but I strongly do yeah yeah, even when I cut my hair like it was something I wanted, and then when I did it, I was like what are people gonna say? You know, yeah.
Speaker 2:So but yeah, no matter what you do, someone is always gonna have something to say. Oh, I know so, whether you lose weight, you gain weight, they're gonna have something. Yeah, short hair, long hair, something, no makeup, makeup always gonna have opinion. Oh, I know so, only opinion that really matters, and I would probably say yours, about yourself and god yeah, I was gonna say in the lord. Well, after that, the heck, the rest of y'all. Now some y'all ain't paying no bills, nothing.
Speaker 3:So what would make you feel closer to me?
Speaker 2:um, we need to go on our lunch. Yeah, I think we really have a like a lot in confidence you think so. I just felt like this thing to you and I'm like I can't relate to nice. I can relate to that, I think I'm. My problem is where you care about what people think I'm on the opposite end, probably too far to the left, where I'm like I don't, where I probably should care somewhat, yeah, but I don't yeah, sometimes I, sometimes I don't and then, but for the most part I really do no.
Speaker 2:Yep, I will walk in there and say something and walk back out and, like my family, they'll say that's just young. And I'm like don't ignore me.
Speaker 3:What I say matters.
Speaker 2:But that's the way of saying, like she's just going to do what she wants to do For sure.
Speaker 3:I worked for another eye doctor in Midland for about like five years and years and, um, we had hired this one young girl from Nevada and, uh, she always talked about like Vegas and whatever. She was cool. She was a little different, but she was cool. I still talked to her, made conversation, whatever. Um, I don't know if she got fired or if she just quit, like from one day to the next, but anyway, uh, so, like you know, she was gone and the doctor one day came and he was like hey, like you know, what did you think about so? And so I forgot the girl.
Speaker 3:Day came and he was like hey, like you know, what did you think about? So-and-so? I forgot the girl's name and I was like, oh, you know, like she was different, but she was cool. You know whatnot? We had a few things in common. And he was like she hated you and I was like what? And he was like Kelsey, she talked so bad about you one day and I was like what did she say? And he's like she just didn't like you and I was like but why, like, why did she not like me? And this was so long ago I can't even remember, but to this day I think about that and I'm like man, that girl really hated me she probably had hated the light that was inside of me?
Speaker 3:I don't know, but I think that I'm like I wonder who else hates me, or who just doesn't like me, or I think that you can walk in a room, and probably I mean someone in there, for sure, at least one is not going to like you.
Speaker 3:Oh yeah, and sometimes I can feel it and I'm like, oh yeah, that person does not like me and I, I can feel it and I'm like, oh yeah, that person does not like me and I'm like, well, like you know, like that. But if it's someone that I was working with that you know we talked and she wasn't mean to me, and then to be like, oh, she hated you, it's like damn.
Speaker 2:See, if I'm saying I'm I'm too far over here, I'm like I don't, really don't care if you don't like me, yeah, you don't like. You don't pay my bills. You're not God, you're not my husband.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:I think I've spent too much time people pleasing to where. That's what I'm saying. I went too far left and I'm such I need to come back a couple of notches.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I'm such a people pleaser. I have gotten better slightly, because now I can really pick up on what I'm doing. Not that I'm doing too much for someone, but if I feel like, oh, that's your people pleasing, that's too much, you know, like don't just bring it back in a little bit. You know, and I have to, I have to remind myself like you're not being mean and you're not not being there for that person or looking out for their well-being, but that that's a? Would it be a trauma response? Probably, yeah.
Speaker 2:So, yeah, being, but that that's a would it be a trauma response probably yeah. So yeah, I think a lot of times. Um, I learned from pastor martha aaron and I did premarital counseling. I was doing a lot of living in survival mode I wasn't actually living.
Speaker 2:Yeah, um, and I think survival mode comes with, like the people pleasing low self-esteem. Um, just putting everyone first before myself. That kind of woke me up. For sure that that I'm sessions to an hour. I'm out here just living life. We're just taking chances. Business email trying to show you think about what's working with me.
Speaker 2:You know we are, and don't get me wrong there are times when I walk into and I literally walking in half the time myself. Um, when the Aaron told me like you don't puff up, you don't shrink, you, just be yourself. And plenty of times when I walk into rooms and I tell myself that because, um, especially being like a african-american female in this area, a lot of times I walk into different rooms and there's no one that looks like yeah, so I have to be comfortable in my own skin and remember what I'm bringing to the table, um, but there's times where I'm like here or I may say yes to something. I really don't want to be there. I've gotten better with that, though yeah, then like on the event.
Speaker 2:A thing comes, I'm dreading it, or yeah, turns out, I'd rather be somewhere I'd be better with it.
Speaker 3:I know I do have a bad habit of comparing myself. Yeah, I know what and I'm like why? Why do I do that? Yeah, and I look at the people I'm surrounded with or by and I'm just like you. You do not need to be doing that, like you know what's for you?
Speaker 2:what's for you Exactly, god's time? What did Dr Manny Manny Arango, yeah, he said today, when God trusts you, oh, yeah, yeah, be good steward of what you got.
Speaker 3:It probably something, that notebook you ain't doing, oh, I know for for a fact, yeah, that if those three little things have been on me even going to school since I was 19 and I'm 33 right now, like come on you can't look at he's.
Speaker 2:He told me yeah, I can, you got it right there in that little notebook of yours.
Speaker 3:it's's all right, You're in this big old head too. I know y'all see, this forehead Girl Do I?
Speaker 2:Oh, and we're probably left in here that talks about me and my family all the time. And we do. It's a genetic thing. When you see us, you'll be like, oh yeah, so. I understand that you must be a cousin, don't know, it's me a cousin don't know. Okay, this is a funny question. Um what?
Speaker 3:am I most qualified to give advice about life, everything? Uh. So I don't know like your story, like when you were married before mm-hmm, and I've never just been like what happened, but I think that would.
Speaker 2:I can give you a fast version, yeah, if you don't mind. So I got married at 22 to a guy that was a Jamaican guy. Not that all Jamaicans have, but anyway.
Speaker 1:I've never met a nice one.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I have a friend who's a Jamaican female oh, weird girl, but anyway. So I got married at 22 to a 30-year-old. I was a member of Church Christ, not an opponent, but did not serve me, and it got to a point, probably within the first six months, where it just became very abusive. I went through everything except abuse, a lot of emotional, mental, verbal abuse. Stayed married but I came out here right before covid and when I came out here we were technically separated. I got divorced, um, after I got divorced when I was in um, but it wasn't good.
Speaker 2:We didn't have any children together. Um, my family did not know until it was time, until I was like ready to make a move. Um, he went to jamaica. It was in december. He went to jamaica for a week-long trip, in the middle of us trying to figure out what we were doing, and to me that was that was the straw that broke, yeah, and I was like cool and funny thing is so I used to be over a youth group at the church I attended and some of the youth kids they were like obviously older- yeah um came to my house while he was gone and helped me help my stuff.
Speaker 2:I think about that. That. That was like toxic for them. But I talked to him I said yeah, girl, like she was there when I, she helped me Before I got married, when I got married, when I moved out of that apartment and then when I moved from Louisiana, he was there for all of it, all of it.
Speaker 2:But yeah, I said he went to Jamaica. I then packed myself an apartment over here. Then I don't have any family out here. Since then I've lived with my grandparents for about a year and a half and then I got my and then, soon thereafter, my parents Dang. Yeah, no, it was interesting. I think it was a lot of for one. I don't really think that I've looking back at it I probably should not have moved from California at 18 to live with another set of grants. I, looking back at it, I probably should not have moved from California at 18 to live with another set of grass.
Speaker 2:I was running my household, in my opinion at the time, was not a safe place. So I thought, going to my grandparents, where you know there was no other kids, no, assembly me and my grandparents, no, my grandparents. When I got there I realized oh, they, even though they, oh they, was about to get divorced, they didn't end up getting one.
Speaker 2:They had their own issues. So sometimes what they say, the graph is on the other side yeah, even though we think it is. So I ran to them and then, sooner or later, my grandpa that's actually my dad's dad ended up passing away. And then I met my ex-husband and the lady that I was living with at the time. She was young, like pushed it, pushed it Until I was like well, I just didn't see another out from me, like I was still running um to live with him and I'll go here and you know, get married and have kids, and I mean, I cried every time we were married.
Speaker 2:Now, thank you, blessing um because that would be interesting yeah um would have made the divorce divorce process definitely, but it's pretty much uh that story. And then when I got out here once I got divorced, I got out here, I was one trip to christ and then I started one trip and I went to divorce and I started going to mid-cities. Okay, I revaptized out of therapy and whenever I met ann is when I started. But yeah, so that's that's kind of the fast version of my life and what happened there. It was definitely very interesting, very, very interesting.
Speaker 2:I would definitely say he was a narcissist, definitely liked the idea of Kimmy. I wouldn't say he kept me to myself because I definitely was in the Church of Christ family. Those family members were you're married, so you stay married. No one really had a conversation with him. They were always having fun with me. It just wasn't a healthy environment. I do believe that if I was to, if I would have stayed married, I probably committed myself like they would have put me in a mental um hospital or I probably would have, because I just was like eating noodles was not a thing, eating tacos was not a thing.
Speaker 2:Um, he would talk about my skin, my weight, and if I was to like pull up a picture of myself by thing, you'll be like girl. What I probably was like maybe you're sorry, so it was very inch. And he would talk about my skin, my weight, and if I was to like pull up a picture of myself back then, he'll be like girl. What I probably was like maybe you're sorry, so it was very inch. And then I actually came to my cousin Alicia's wedding and I started talking to my mom and my aunt and that's when I finally fell into my.
Speaker 2:And then I got out, I got my own, I got myself an apartment and a car. Damn, because he didn't want me to have a car, he got a car for us to have the first year we got married. When I realized that Skype conversation with him, I talked to some girl in Jamaica and it was like hurry up Yanni's in the bathroom, go ahead and show me Like they were like yeah, oh my God.
Speaker 2:And at that time I was like, too, I was so not. If you know me now, to some degree I'm still a little naive yeah, same. And I'd be like, yeah. But then I was like, super, like, you're my husband, I trust you. Like, why would I, why would you do anything? Yeah. And after being married, there was a time where instead of going to therapy, I was going to drinking. And to the boy the bartender knew my name I still say my liver is you figured that out? Um, but yeah, no, but it's so funny. I sit back and think I've definitely put myself in some interesting situation. God's always had of.
Speaker 2:You know the realm of protection around you to where, even if I walked in the room I didn't belong in, he still made sure. Yeah, like in baton ridge, I still there's a friend. I really don't talk anymore. That time I needed a friend to have guided me through it, and her life was different from mine at that time it's before I got married and I was a virgin when I got married and this is a version that she was not.
Speaker 2:I was hopping out windows for her and I would go it's not funny, but I would go meet um, like she would have her like boyfriend or whatever, and I would go with her and the boyfriend have a friend and she was like yeah, no, y''s not going to do nothing, but she's just here for fun, or they would smoke and she would tell him like no, she's not.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I don't do it yeah.
Speaker 2:So it was just. You know, it's always funny how, you know, god has a sense of humor, like he made sure I was protected. Yeah, she was out there doing whatever, nothing, nothing. But can I tell you something that just didn't happen down? Dang, that's wild. But here I am now, yeah, yeah, that's why I don't know. I always tell people like you never know someone's story, you never know what they're going through, what they through, and obviously I feel like we're not responsible for people's triggers. Like you know, I am responsible for my own triggers, right, um, but me having an emotional day already, someone being rude or something else just could definitely thank you. And how old are you? 35 to 35, I just feel like I figured out my.
Speaker 3:I think 30s to me is when things begin yeah, I'm loving my 30s, even though you know things have happened or whatever but it's fun, like you're like okay, wait, actually I don't like this.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I don't actually, I don't even like you exactly I like this. I want to try this oh, I actually enjoy this yeah, I've.
Speaker 3:I've recently told people, um, you know it's, I have been more open with certain friends. You know like, well, if I don't want to say hi to someone that I don't normally say hi to, why am I going to walk in a place and see them and be like, oh hey, how's it going? We don't speak. And I think, going back again for years of just feeling like I had to do that because of the jobs that I had. You know, you have to greet people, whatever it's like. No, I don't, that's draining, I don't want to do that anymore. I don't, I just don't.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's neat. I don't know why I still feel a little weird. I feel like I'm like the most times. I don't get it, Yep.
Speaker 3:And then if I don't say hi, then ignored me and Kelsey. This and it's like you, don't even like me to begin with.
Speaker 2:So why are you worried, did you? If you speak, I don't know because I don't know, that's like that thing, but sometimes I'm like well, there you walk. If they are comfortable enough to walk straight past me, then you know what? Yeah, I don't even think it's matching energy. I'm just not gonna waste my G yeah, yeah cool if you're okay with it. Guess what? So am I, yeah cool. And if we need each other, I guess we know where to find each other yeah and it's like I don't know.
Speaker 2:It's like nowadays they make you feel like if you don't talk to someone, it's such this like bad thing, like you don't like me, or there's more there than what it actually is. Yeah, when it, and you see me. Yeah, I think that's it. Oh sorry, I had this one of the Medea's movies and she's like I know yeah.
Speaker 3:But I didn't want to be like. That's literally what I thought. I was like I know, she see me, you see me, yeah, she can't miss us big. But yeah, girl, that's exactly what I thought of. Oh, freaking funny. Yeah, I was like I'm not about to break the moment because you were serious. That's how I was like, that's what I said. I was like I was talking about that.
Speaker 2:How funny is that? Yeah, but yeah, that's it. Well, thank you for coming on and playing this amazing game. I would definitely say for those listening you know, get your friend group together. I think to be honest with you, I would say whether if you've been friends for years or just becoming friends, I think this is a great game for you guys to be able just to connect at a deeper level and just to get to know each other a little bit, and it's the game that we're not really strangers. I have one more question for you. Actually, I have two. What do you stand for? Love, right there, marvin, I say all the time and I love to see like like I'm going in this is not a question anyway, I want to get up um on social media, like when I'm going down, like scrolling through, I love to see like people in love, but I also see, I also love to see people doing what they love to do. Yeah, like I love to see people happy.
Speaker 3:The joy. Yes, yeah, I love, love. I am 100% a lover girl.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Like just with people, with my friends, with my family, I mean here recently. What's funny is I've had people like reach out and just send me messages like I love the way you love on, just send me messages like I love the way you love on your nieces and I love the way you do this and I love the way you do that, and I'm like you, like you pay attention to that, and I'm like, oh, thanks, you know and um they seem to be very like.
Speaker 3:You're a great aunt, oh thanks, oh, I mean I hope I am, no, but like relationships too, like I, if I'm with you, I love you and I put everything into it and so, yeah, I mean it doesn't work out. It's like was my love not enough, like should I have more, or you know, whatever the case is, but yeah, I do, I love, I love love, yeah, yeah, with everything, even being back at the gym and like training a few classes again. Like there are some days where, in the midst of it, like I'm just watching people and I'm like man, I love being you, know, yeah, and it's something as small as that.
Speaker 2:All right. So if you can give advice, someone listening, it can be about anything, it can be one word. It can be one word, it can be a host. Whatever comes to your mind and heart right now, what would it be? I'm already going to cry. Yeah, I mean the tissue. I bought the tissue box.
Speaker 3:I know, and I actually did better than I thought. That's what I'm saying.
Speaker 2:You haven't even went out yet Find God Truly See.
Speaker 3:Find God Truly See. That makes me cry. What's wrong with that giggity tissue or a Kleenex or anything? Because, like the few videos that I've done on Facebook and stuff, I know every single time I mention it and I really mean it, like, if you don't know God, it's so unfortunate. I think it is you don't know God. It's so unfortunate.
Speaker 3:I think it is because, not that I've had this awful life, but I've been through some shit, you know, and even when I wasn't fully into church or it was just, like you know I would say, my bedtime prayer I still knew God and God still knew me and he loved me, which goes back to I stand for love, because his love is ultimate and it's never going to fade from. You know, even for the month that I stepped away from church, you know it wasn't anything personal, it was just, you know, I just wanted to be at home, I wasn't even doing anything and I even told Pastor Cliff one day I was like, bro, I promise like I'm not hung over or anything, Like I just I get up, I drink my coffee and I'm like I'm just going to watch it online. You know it wasn't even anything serious, but that is again the ultimate love, and, like it says, like he's never going to leave you nor forsake you. And when I felt, when I felt a few times like I didn't have anyone, yeah, the peace that it brought, that well, I still have. I still have God. He's still there, and I've caught myself talking to him a whole lot more, yeah. And so it's crazy is it's been months, I think it was like when everything happened.
Speaker 3:I remember, you know, being in an argument and I'm at home and I hang up the phone and, for whatever reason, I just screamed like at the top of my lungs where, literally, I felt like my vocal cords felt like they busted, oh gosh, but I just felt so hurt, yeah. And so I just had to let something out, because it's not like I could go run over someone in my car. Wow, that's fun, it is fun. Someone over, that was it Right. Thanks, girl for helping out. So we just stuck. We would not be having this podcast episode, so we stuck to the screaming, yeah, but no, that was a kind of a dark time. But you know, I just remember like screaming and I've never told anyone this, and so I'm laying there in bed and I'm just crying. And when I say I'm crying like I was crying.
Speaker 3:And again, mental health, you know, like I have known people that have, you know, wanted to commit. You know, I know people that have committed suicide and I've never thought it's never been anything in my head, and it's not that I thought that, but for a moment I laid there and I just thought it would be so much better if I weren't here and I was like wait, what? Like you know, I snapped out of it and so I just started talking to God and then I started singing Counting my Blessings. Have you ever heard that song? It's like God, I'm still counting my blessings.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:For all that you've done in my life, you know, and for all the things that he's done for me that I don't I, that still haven't even been brought to light. You know, and how there can be someone you know. People are always like, well, that's just who that person are, they're never going to do this, I'm never going to do that. And then that person ends up doing it and it's to me. I'm like god, that was you. Yeah, I'm like you did that. Yeah, you know, because whatever and um, so, yeah, it's just like it's I. If it's anything, even and I'll be honest, even with miguel and I, I tell people, even if he's not for me, I'll be okay, yeah, but I want him to know god for his own salvation, that's it, it. And I've even told him that before. Just seek him, know him, know who he is.
Speaker 3:You know I have friends that have recently started going to church and you know now are there and seeing them and I'm like God, that's you After all these years, that's you, and I just think that that's so beautiful, you know, and so, yeah, I think one time on Aaron's podcast he asked me this and I said I wanted to be superwoman so I could help everyone. People pleasing, yeah, how crazy that my answer from years ago was wanting to do, wanting to have 10 hands to help all these 10 people. And then I'm in the back of these 10 people, jumping up and down, being like, hey, what about me? Like do y'all see me, you know, and it's taking me now, dropping to my knees and being like, okay, god, it's just, it's you and I, it's just you and I and that's who. It's gonna be forever, you know.
Speaker 2:So, yeah, and if you ask them, it's going to be forever you know, so yeah, and if you ask them, it's still those moments, even if your spouse just like knows yeah. So it's that relationship, mm-hmm, the beautiful. It kind of gets involved and change as you and change, it grows deeper. Mm-hmm, I think for myself and Aspen. A lot of times, apparently, this area is like my praise and worship area. Worship here, I think a lot of times it's praising the car and the alarm. Before you got here, it was like when I get up in the mornings, like to make a nice breakfast and lunch, and that's where I'm at um currently. I think I don't know. Let's do like that, talk, do that, because I put on one song and then we started going down the whole other avenue and I'm like, okay, I'm not quite sure we got here, but it's speaking to myself, so we're gonna leave it right here, yeah I think you know, like when I pray.
Speaker 2:So one thing that I find to be just amazing of all of one really the fact that god knows what I need provide for me, and god knows what you need for you, and so on and so on with all of us, even with a child, like with, uh, ezra savannah's old, you know, know they've gone through their season of their dad not being there anymore and whatnot.
Speaker 3:And I've told you know people like have faith, like a child, and she is the prime example because you know she misses her dad. You know she's only five, yeah, she's only five, yeah, and but when you talk to her she is so she's emotional too, but she will tell you from a five year old, like God's going to bring me a dad, god's going to bring me a dad that's going to play with me and my dad's going to take us to the movie and my dad's going to sit on the couch with us and eat popcorn with me and my sister and my mom. And I'm like, dude, you have that much faith in your only five. Like, can you give me some? We don't like that, like that. That is amazing, because that's when you know he's real.
Speaker 2:You know because you hear it from yeah, right, my brain went like five different ways of that conversation. Yeah, as far as me is like that's a load for santa to carry.
Speaker 3:Yeah, like emotional yeah, and she and she'll. Sometimes ezra will facetime me and her and evie facetime a lot, so I'll be like a decline. I just fucked him. Since ain't nothing changed. But I still have videos because you know like you can leave the video now if you decline or if you don't answer. And um, she's praying for me like father god, I pray over my tia Kelsey and she just goes on yeah, uh-huh she's, and like she's an amazing little individual.
Speaker 2:Her prayer does not change Me too.
Speaker 3:Ever, Ever.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because that's definitely something God put inside of her.
Speaker 3:Mm-hmm.
Speaker 2:Now what that's going. You know, obviously what that's going to blossom to be. Yeah, just hope I'm able to see, because that's amazing.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yep.
Speaker 2:Well, savannah, if you're listening to this, you're next just saying okay, anyway. Is there anything else that you would like to say? Anything that I didn't touch on anything else you feel?
Speaker 3:no, I don't think so. I think the game was really good, right?
Speaker 2:yes, because it's like I'm telling you this game whenever you start dating again, like it was fun, but it was real, like this is this because it's, it is yes but.
Speaker 2:I don't know. I think sometimes it was real, like this is this? Because it's, it is, yeah, but I don't know. I think sometimes it's almost like, especially when you're getting to know some, you don't really know how to like initiate, really like taking that deep dive. You don't want to be like tell me about your life, yeah, you know. But I think these questions makes me where she's.
Speaker 3:It just starts to come out to where you look and it's not just what's your favorite color and what kind of flowers do you like and what's your favorite food?
Speaker 2:no, no, don't ask me that stuff yeah, tell me a time where you felt inadequate. How did you overcome that?
Speaker 2:oh gosh, yeah yeah, like I mean, that's what you want to know. Yeah, no, really though. Yeah, because that's like I'm thinking, like as aaron's partner, like I I don't know if I this is wrong, this is my thinking Like his weak spots, but the spots where he's still growing in. As his wife, I would like to be someone that can kind of help him grow in it. Right, but for me to help him grow in it he has to you know. Allow me in to know what that is, yeah.
Speaker 3:Yeah, my exes. I would have known like more that they did struggle with opening up and, with you know, mental health. Like that would have saved a lot on how my response was to things that happened.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, we have, I know, with him. We have a lot of questions, especially with him now school starting back and him having, you know, all his students and then the athletes at the coaching. So it's a lot of, you know, mental check-ins that I do with him to say, you know, hey, how are you doing? What do you need from me? Um, I try my best to make sure that when he leaves this house, this home, um, that he is the best teacher and coach he can be yeah because he has all those little yeah, their eyes are looking on him that he's having to pour into every single day and that's.
Speaker 3:People don't understand that that takes so much, and that's why I I did, and I still do take offense to it when they're like, oh well, you just stand up there and tell them what to do. No, kindly forget what you just said, because not a lot of people can do that and they can't carry.
Speaker 2:I mean just like, yeah, it's, it's just it, it's it's heavy and it can be a lot and when he comes home and like he, he doesn't just take his job as like he takes his where god has him right now he's to point to these kids. So he pays attention. Yeah, um, and, you know paying attention, sometimes you start to see like now his seven, he has a seventh grader that can't multiple. Uh, he, you know paying attention, sometimes you start to see, like his seventh grade is a can't multiple he, you know the kids are telling him, you know what the home life is.
Speaker 3:So when I say hey today, sometimes I'm like, yeah, goodness to work for an eye doctor that I worked for when I was 19. And I worked on the optical side now. So it's different hats, you know, insurance, and fitting glasses and then getting the right prescription and having to make sure that they're put in what they need to for what they're using every single day. You know, and man, the people that I come across some days, I'm like what is wrong with you and why are you so angry?
Speaker 3:And I really I say this and I don't take it lightly, but I am so thankful that I can be like you know what. Put yourself to the side, like you know whatever, just deal with them, do what you need to. And I don't match the energy, because if I match the energy, oh no, there would be, it would be awful. But if I wasn't strong, I mean I could probably do something dumb to myself because people are mean, they are so mean, and because I look Mexican and I have dark hair and dark eyes and dark skin, I have been told that I'm a disgrace because I don't speak Spanish.
Speaker 2:Okay, so that is something that I've run across trying to learn Spanish and other people have said, and I'm like that is crazy to me, how you can pretty much be disowned because you don't speak the language. That is crazy to me how you can, like, pretty much be disowned because you don't speak the language.
Speaker 3:I have had people that have purposely told, like the person that they were with, don't try and speak English. I can understand some, but like literally have said don't try and speak English to her she should know Spanish and I'm like I don't. If I knew a little bit, I would honestly try, but I don't. Yeah, we weren't born and raised like that. My grandparents and my grandparents and their grandparents are not from mexico. Yeah, so technically I don't think I'm mexican, you know, and yeah, but people are people are mean.
Speaker 2:It's a lot of unhealed people that don't realize they're carrying along. A lot of times it's the childhood trauma, yeah, that has turned into them being a mean and a bully, mm-hmm.
Speaker 3:It's just like that stupid T app how that one guy from Colorado killed himself.
Speaker 2:Huh.
Speaker 3:Yeah, there was a guy from Colorado that killed himself.
Speaker 2:Okay, so I downloaded that, did you? Really I was on a wait and the Holy Spirit said take that off your phone. I was about to say you don't do it. I did not do it. Yeah, the flesh side of me immediately when I saw it. That was it.
Speaker 3:No, the crazy thing was I had a friend reach out to me about that and the first thing I told her I said you need to delete that and not invest your money. And she was like, but blah, blah, blah, blah.
Speaker 2:And I was like no off sis. And then I'm saying get off. But I never got on. Yeah, I was on like whatever that wait thing is yeah and then I was like well I'm trying to get the um t. I need to be in the bible app, I don't need to be here. I was like, let me delete this. Thank you all, alex Perry.
Speaker 3:Right. My BFF for coming through yet again.
Speaker 2:Well, thank you for coming on. My mic is always ready whenever you want a part two.
Speaker 3:Oh, for sure.
Speaker 2:We can find another topic. I mean, I like to talk, so yeah, I had a couple in mind, but I was like, eh, I thought of this again.
Speaker 3:I thought about. I think you'll be a good one for life. Be life, and. But it ain't always bad.
Speaker 2:Hey, I tell people you don't have a bad life, it's just a bad moment or just sometimes, like I don't know, you think life be life and like, yeah, you have, I guess, bad moments, but you know the life doesn't suck, no, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3:I, when people are like oh, my life, does my life that, and I'm like no, here, like chill out just a little bit.
Speaker 2:We may have to bring that one back. There was another one, okay. Well, for those listening, please know that you are loved, you are seen, you are wanted. God has put something inside of you that the people around you need, you, that the people around you need. Please do not allow, I say, the devil to kind of creep in and make you say you're inadequate, because he may want you to feel just the same to the devil. But anyway, I love you and bye.
Speaker 1:Thank you for listening to another episode of Standing in your Truth with Yanni. And if no one told you today, you are loved, you are beautiful, you are needed and you matter, be sure to follow on Facebook at Standing In your Truth Podcast with Yanni. Also on Instagram Talks With Yanni.
