Standing in Your Truth With Yanni
The podcast "Standing in Your Truth" will feature Yanni and a group of friends engaging in profound and intimate discussions on subjects such as mental health, finances, faith, and strategies for finding motivation during difficult periods. In this space, guests will be invited to share their life journeys, including the challenges they've faced and the obstacles they've overcome. This podcast aims to provide a platform for individuals to share their stories, ensuring that everyone's experiences are acknowledged, valued, and celebrated.
Standing in Your Truth With Yanni
Reclaiming You: Shedding the Burden of Others' Expectations
Breaking free from people pleasing isn't just about learning to say no—it's about reclaiming your authentic self after years of self-abandonment. As someone who recently emerged from the clutches of prioritizing everyone else's needs and opinions, I've discovered that the journey doesn't end when you make the decision to change.
The residue of people pleasing lingers in unexpected ways. You might still shrink yourself even when you have valuable insights to share. You could feel responsible for emotions that aren't yours to carry. You might replay conversations wondering if you disappointed someone. These thought patterns don't disappear overnight, but recognizing them is the first step toward washing them away for good.
What I've learned most profoundly is that healing takes time, but every act of self-honor moves you forward. When you say no without explaining, when you rest instead of performing, when you express your true feelings without apology—you're reclaiming pieces of yourself that were lost in the pursuit of others' approval. The beautiful outcome? Rediscovered confidence, authentic relationships that survive your boundaries, and the profound self-respect that comes from no longer abandoning yourself to be liked. Yes, some people won't understand your transformation. Yes, you might face temporary loneliness before finding alignment. But the freedom waiting on the other side is worth every uncomfortable moment of growth. Remember, you're never truly alone on this journey—God walks beside you, and authentic connections await when you show up as your true self.
Standing In Your Truth Podcast with Yanni Thomas
Hello everyone, welcome to Standing In your Truth podcast with your host, yanni. On this podcast you'll hear Yanni, family and friends having open-ended discussions on anything from faith, finances, relationships and how to stay motivated during life's trying times. Make sure to follow on all social media platforms. The social media link is in the bio. Sit back and get ready to enjoy.
Speaker 2:Hello, hello, hello everyone. Welcome to another episode of Standing your Truth Podcast. I am your host, iyani. How's everyone doing? We are in summer.
Speaker 2:School is out for most kids. I'm personally in summer school. I'm not quite sure if I'm actually liking it or not. I didn't realize summer school courses were four weeks, which I really should have realized because I have two sessions. But anyway, I didn't put two and two together until I was looking at my classes and the due dates and I was like, oh, there's not as much time for this as I thought it was. So that was interesting. Needless to say, um pretty proud of myself that I got on the president's list for spring semester, which means I got all A's in my classes. So I am looking to graduate 2026 with my associates and 2027 with my bachelor's, and my goal is to graduate with both degrees with honors. So I don't play about my schoolwork now.
Speaker 2:Finally, it kind of leads right into the topic that I kind of felt like God put on my heart to kind of discuss, which is people pleasing. I made a post about my grades and I said I'm coming out of my people pleasing era of my life and I feel like, literally within the last. How old am I? I think I'm 34. So maybe like the last like two years, maybe I feel like that is not my way of living my life anymore.
Speaker 2:I do believe that people pleasing comes out of survival mode, which I feel like that can be a whole nother podcast. But I kind of was just sitting back thinking and I'm like how do we even get here? And I think that's just survival mode and trying to fit in. But so let's just start with a definition of people pleasing and it's simply, I would say it is prioritizing others needs, opinions and like desires over your own. So you personally, if you are a people pleaser, you don't have boundaries and I think, unfortunately, whether we want it to be or not, we honestly really aren't very authentic, we're not really ourselves, because what we really want to do is not what, whoever we're allowing to dictate or whoever we're following, you know we're going by what they want to do, not by what we want to do. But um obviously takes time to um realize for one year you are people pleasing and then, once you realize it, it's like oh, snaps, okay, cool.
Speaker 2:Where I'm at is we're like okay, so I've stopped people pleasing where you know I don't prioritize my or the individuals around me, um, thoughts or opinions over my own. I look to see you know what. What? What does Yanni want to do? What is Yanni like? How does Yanni feel about this?
Speaker 2:Um, but with that I you know, I realized this past week like I feel like there's like residue, like there's still some negative thoughts that come, negative thoughts that come because you've been a people pleaser for so long. It doesn't just disappear, it still creeps up. I kind of just want to talk about the residue part of it and how to maybe overcome some of those negative thoughts that may come. It's a journey. It's a journey, life's a journey. You have ups and downs and round and rounds. So I think one way the residue or how people pleasing may try to creep its way back in, is you shrink yourself even when you have something valuable to say yourself, even when you have something valuable to say. For so long we've I say we because you know I am just became not a people pleaser, so I feel like I fit in. But anyway, you know, we often, as people pleasers, feel like what we're saying is dumb or doesn't bring value, or, you know, no one needs to hear how we think or feel like we're not important you also may deal with. You feel uncomfortable when someone's upset with you, even if you did nothing wrong, or you replay a conversation wondering if you disappointed someone. And I'm going to be 100% honest with you, that's not really one of the things that I deal with. I think I'm. There's some ways I went to the opposite end of people pleasing to where I'm like I really just don't care, which I don't think that's very healthy either. So I'm trying to balance it out, but yet, nope, that's definitely not one that I deal with. I'm more so the person that's like replaying the conversation, trying to figure out what I could have changed or how I could have came better with my you know saying or dig, or whatever. That's definitely me. Yep, your girl's still a work in progress.
Speaker 2:You feel responsible for others' emotions, even when they're not your burden to carry. Yeah, that one I was like whoa. That is so true. But also there's times it just kind of depends on the person, because sometimes I don't feel the burden to carry, and I know the Bible says you're supposed to. What is it? Let's not love your neighbor, carry the burdens of your neighbor.
Speaker 2:I do believe it is um, and to some degree, yes, because, like I love helping people, I think, which I don't know how backwards this may come back, it may come down to some hurt, but I will carry the burden of a stranger before. Sometimes I'll carry the burden of my family because you know I'm just like I can't. But a stranger comes that they need something, I will walk with them through the journey and help them see the light in the tunnel. But I think that, like I said, comes from some hurt as well. Um, but I do want to like remind you that there's some positives when, like, residue. Residue doesn't mean that, um, when you have those feelings. It doesn't mean that when you have those feelings, it doesn't mean that you're, like you know, going back to people pleasing or that anything's wrong. I think residue can remind you that you're allowed to take up space.
Speaker 2:You are not responsible for managing everyone's perception of you, or anyone's, I would say, perception of anything.
Speaker 2:Really, it's not for you to manage, but especially not for yourself.
Speaker 2:So if you're caring yourself a certain way and your friends or family see something different, cool, no matter what you do, you're not going to be able to change their opinions on how they think or feel. So you can waste your time and energy trying to, or you can just move on and just you, you know, also realize something that completely kind of set me free some years ago. Not everyone's gonna like you, and that includes your family and them so-called friends. They don't like, some of them just don't like you, and you know, some of it is maybe something you might have said, and some of it honestly, is the fact that you breathe in here on earth and they don't like you, aka that means you can't nothing about it. So just move on and keep being you, and either they'll get with it and figure it out or they'll move along. You get one life, so why would you spend it trying to get these people who, at the end of the day, don't care about you, to like you?
Speaker 2:Why, don't worry, I was there but I had to wake up and realize, uh-uh, god did not make me this amazing young lady I should say woman, but whatever. To be allowing the haters to try to stop my shine, because they can try. They can't do, but they can try they can distract me for a little bit, because, whether we realize it or not, that's all that is is a distraction from what God really wants us to be focused on. So also, you are not selfish for choosing peace over pleasing. I'll clear my throat and repeat that again you are not selfish for choosing peace over pleasing.
Speaker 2:A lot of times we, you know, I think we think peace is saying yes to stuff. We really don't want to do it and it may be peace for the other person or whatever is involved, but it's not peace for you. I feel like there was a point in my life where I was just saying yes and trying to problem solve for everyone else and in the long run it wasn't peace for me. It was actually quite chaotic and I do feel like I wasn't giving my best in certain things. I take a step back and realize taking a step back is not a bad thing. Realizing oh, I made a mistake is not a bad thing. I think it becomes a bad thing when you don't have any accountability and you don't own it. Then that may be making a bad thing, but taking a step back is not a bad thing. And remember that healing takes time. But every time you honor your voice, every time you say no without explaining, every time you rest instead of performing guess what guys, you're washing away the residue and reclaiming you. I feel like I should just kind of repeat that again.
Speaker 2:So healing takes time and I think also with the healing takes time, some of that is also. There may be some U-turns in there. There may be some times where you think you're over something or something that used to be a trigger for you. You're like, oh yeah, that's not triggering anymore. Then it happens one day and you're like, oh my gosh. No, that doesn't mean I'm completely over. Just take a second, figure out why that trigger caught up to you today Because sometimes it can be extra elements like didn't get any sleep or something extra going on with you why that trigger really hit home that day. But that doesn't mean you're completely setting over. But every time you honor your voice, every time you say no without explaining, every time you rest instead of performing, you're washing away the residue and reclaiming you. At the end of the day, I think sometimes part of people pleasing is thinking that we don't matter, so reclaiming you. To some that are still kind of in that people pleasing mind may not make sense, but I am currently living the stage of reclaiming me.
Speaker 2:Reclaiming me is me finishing a whole year at Odessa College and my GPA is at 3.36. Reclaiming me is finding new hobbies and talents that I have, starting the marketing company, looking more into life coaching and mental health. That is reclaiming me. Reclaiming me is realizing I like to go thrift store shopping. Maybe not in Odessa because the stores out here be tripping sometimes, but I like to go thrift store shopping especially, I usually go when we're visiting family in like the den area and I like it.
Speaker 2:I'm realizing that I used to think that you know, reading was not my thing. I enjoy self-help books. I enjoy learning. What else have I recently found?
Speaker 2:I enjoy traveling I don't, which I kind of like car rides, because car rides allow you to have a conversation with whoever you're going on the trip with and have a good snack. And then my husband, aaron. He's big into podcasts. When he's driving I almost said we driving, but let's just be honest, he don't let me drive, so it's not really we driving. I think I do maybe a hour and a half, two hours tops, and then he's kind of recovered and ready to come back. But anyway, just finding different things you like is, and it's, a beautiful journey. Um, so, yeah, so positive outcomes. Um, from no more people pleasing and kind of, I guess you can say, washing away some of the residue Once again, so you rediscover your voice, you're able to express your feelings, your opinions and able to say no. I think the big thing really is able to say no without explaining, because we can say no sometimes, but it's the explanation of why I'm telling you no. Sometimes it's just a no, no it ain't happening, or no, I can't do it, or no, I ain't going, I leave it at that.
Speaker 2:I think also, which is really big and something that I think I'm at the infant stages of is maybe not infant but for sure toddler, but anyway, building authentic relationships. I think when you begin to learn you, you start to realize what you like and what you don't like. You have to realize some of those friends that you were doing things with. You know, once you stop people pleasing and saying yes to everything, started saying to no, believe me, they'll disappear. You ain't gotta do nothing but say no a couple of times and they're gonna be gone. But then you realize who's actually still there and who actually likes to do things you like to do and who's actually calling and texting you and who's actually showing up for you. I think that's a huge thing for me, probably from a childhood trigger, but showing up for me is important and that definitely, I guess, is the foundation for a relationship. For me is showing up and being consistent. You also are able to reclaim your time and energy Kind of almost the same thing as finding your voice. You set boundaries, you stop over committing, you give your best, truly no matter what you do.
Speaker 2:Pastor Martha at Hope Alive Church, I think she started reading the book. I don't know how it worked, but anyway, because of her and the women's group, I found a book by Lisa. Her Life is Life with a T. I am not going to kill it right here on this podcast, but the book is the best. Yes, and I will definitely tell you if you are a over-committer, people pleaser go read that book. It's definitely going to step on your toes. You are definitely going to have to, I would say, take it chapter by chapter and take some time to kind of dissect it and apply it to your life, but it was worth it, I think.
Speaker 2:For me, the biggest thing is I didn't realize how overcommitting I didn't realize how me saying yes and overcommitting was really not allowing God to really use me. So I thought I just had a servant's heart and I was serving the community, serving my neighbor, that I was doing good and, don't get me wrong, I'm sure it was probably hopefully more good than bad in that, probably hopefully more good than bad in that. But, um, I really that was me controlling the servant's heart that God gave me, versus me stopping and praying, um, before committing to something, um, not over committing, allowing my schedule to have some free time in it, um, it's, it's, it's just and I'm really is that here recently, cause my schedule slowed down, um, and there's different opportunities that come up and I'm like whoa, and you know, before I say yes, most times I'm not going to sit up and say every time, but most times I try my best to stop and pray first. And it's crazy because I think part of being a people pleaser and not really believing in yourself. Is that imposter syndrome. So here, recently I went to go speak for my job and after I spoke, the organizations were like, well, we would like for you to become a member. And I was like huh, because you know I've had an interesting run in with the organization wanting me to become a member. It did not end the way I would like it to end or like the way, anyway. So I was like, are you sure? And they followed up. One of them even met Aaron and was like, hey, tell Yanni, we really would like for her to join. And I was like, wow, like it's beautiful to be sought out and for an organization or company to say, hey, we want you. For an organization or company to say, hey, we want you, it's just a different feeling.
Speaker 2:I think also, lastly, here the good side of coming out of people pleasing in the residue is you gain self-respect Every time you choose you. Instead of shrinking or overthinking, your confidence grows. You stop abandoning yourself, but wait what? You stop abandoning yourself to be liked. I can read y'all. I was like, wait, what, what? Didn't even know my own notes, but anyway, I just think you'd really just begin to like and love you Kind of goes back to that whole being transparent, looking in the mirror, looking at the woman or the man you are and really loving yourself and being able to stand up for yourself is just a beautiful thing. So, to all my people pleasers, it's okay, I've been there. I just challenge you to really begin to see yourself and love yourself.
Speaker 2:Oh, I thought to talk about some of the challenges that may arise as you are stepping out of the people-pleasing season, so I'm going to go over these. People may not like it. People may not like it not you Both, really but anyway, they see you saying yes. So the fact that you see you saying yes, no matter what time or day, no matter what you had on your schedule, when you start saying no to some of their stuff, oh, they're going to be confused and they're going to challenge you, especially if they're not really your friend or not really looking out for you. Something to keep in mind, I think. To me, once you start really finding out what you like and standing up for yourself and saying no, and they have an issue with that, to me that's a red flag and that's something to look at.
Speaker 2:Just saying Guilt, self-doubt may creep in. You may feel like you're not worthy, or you may feel like you're being selfish by saying no. Something to think about as well, and this is one that I am dealing with, but I'm having to kind of sit in it because I don't think I've ever sat in it. I came from a big family, so being by myself is something that I know nothing about. So, but anyway, you may face loneliness before alignment, that I think I'm at the stage where the people that I thought were my friends they weren't my friends, or they may be my friends, but we just may not be on the level that I thought that we were at.
Speaker 2:Something that book talks about is levels to friendships. Not every friend is someone you tell your heart and soul to. You got to take it kind of get to know your friend and realize what friend is what friend. Wait, was that that book or was that the Let them book? I don't know One of the two. By the way, that's another good book. Mel Robbins has a book called Let them. What happens when you? I finished the best, yes, and I went straight into the Mel Robbins Let them, which is once again a good book, but needless to say.
Speaker 2:There's a bit of loneliness thing when you realize the people that you know you thought were in their corner really aren't. But that's okay At the end of the day, remember that you're never by yourself. The Holy Spirit is always with you. Jesus is always with you. And if you really begin to feel lonely, pray and ask God for to send you some friends that line up with you know, um line up with you, know who you really are and who he sees you are, and allow him to guide you to what, um friends you may need. So, anyway, but that's all I have. I kind of was dealing with that myself and I was like, well, you know what, let's do a podcast on it and you know, I kind of hope that, um, this will help and encourage someone else that may be going through something similar to this. So well, I am going to sorry, my eyes are ditched. Pray us out.
Speaker 2:So, heavenly Father, lord, I just come to you. First of all. I want to just say thank you, lord, for allowing us to see yet another day. Father, thank you for providing for us, lord, emotionally, physically, financially, just thank you. Thank you for loving us when we didn't love ourselves. Thank you for the way you just care for us, your grace and your mercy, lord, just say thank you, thank you.
Speaker 2:I just ask that for the listener that's listening to this podcast episode, that you just be with them, father, wrap your loving arms around them as they listen to this, and they may feel lonely or be in a season of transition and growth and you sifting them out, father. I just pray that they just look to you for guidance, father, that the moments when they're questioning and confused, that they pray or open their Bible and begin to look for you to just to guide them through it, lord, and just say thank you again. I just pray that for the person that's listening, that you just continue to pour into them, bless them, allow them to be a light in their communities and in their homes, and whatever desires they have on their heart, father, just pray that they just give it to you and that in your time, you will make those happen for us. In Jesus' name, we pray Amen. Okay, bye, guys. I love you guys. You're needed, you're wanted, you're heard.
Speaker 2:If you're listening to this and you don't have any friends and you're feeling sad, you can always DM me If you know me personally and have my number text me. I'm usually down to go hang out. This current stage of my life, food is where it's at. Let's go get some chips and queso or something, but you're never alone. There's always someone, so okay.
Speaker 1:Love you, Bye. Thank you for listening to another episode of Standing in your Truth with Yanni and if no one told you today, you are loved, you are beautiful, you are needed and you matter, Be sure to follow on Facebook at Standing in your Truth Podcast with Yanni. Also on Instagram Talks with Yanni.
