Standing in Your Truth With Yanni
The podcast "Standing in Your Truth" will feature Yanni and a group of friends engaging in profound and intimate discussions on subjects such as mental health, finances, faith, and strategies for finding motivation during difficult periods. In this space, guests will be invited to share their life journeys, including the challenges they've faced and the obstacles they've overcome. This podcast aims to provide a platform for individuals to share their stories, ensuring that everyone's experiences are acknowledged, valued, and celebrated.
Standing in Your Truth With Yanni
Every Child Deserves a Voice: Navigating Life on the Spectrum
Autism doesn't come with a handbook. When Lexi first noticed her son Alexander spinning repetitively at six months old, she had no idea she was witnessing early signs of autism. Despite mentioning these behaviors to doctors, it would be months before medical professionals validated her concerns.
Today, Lexi opens her heart about raising Alexander (affectionately called "Brother"), a non-verbal kindergartner on the autism spectrum, alongside her daughter Adeline, who faced her own medical challenges with a club foot requiring multiple surgeries and treatments. Through these unexpected journeys, Lexi has discovered strength she never knew she possessed.
"Some things Alexander likes – tight hugs or pressure. One thing we learned in occupational therapy is if he's having a meltdown in public, to just start applying pressure from head to toe," Lexi shares, offering a glimpse into the practical strategies that help her son navigate a world that can feel overwhelming to his senses. She explains how common environments like grocery stores can become sensory battlegrounds, with sounds and lights amplified tenfold for those on the spectrum.
This conversation transforms our understanding of autism beyond stereotypes. Alexander might not speak, but he communicates brilliantly by guiding people's hands to what he wants. He experiences joy through repetitive movements that bring him comfort. His sister has become his fiercest advocate, explaining autism to friends with remarkable compassion.
Whether you're raising a child with special needs or simply want to better understand autism, this episode provides profound insights into creating a more inclusive world. As Lexi powerfully states, "I don't need to fix Alexander to fit in. We just need to figure out how to fix those around us to accommodate him better."
Ready to become a more compassionate, informed member of your community? Listen now, and join us in standing for inclusivity and understanding during National Autism Awareness Month and beyond.
Standing In Your Truth Podcast with Yanni Thomas
Hello everyone, welcome to Standing In your Truth podcast with your host, yanni. On this podcast you'll hear Yanni, family and friends having open-ended discussions on anything from faith, finances, relationships and how to stay motivated during life's trying times. Make sure to follow on all social media platforms. The social media link is in the bio. Sit back and get ready to enjoy.
Speaker 2:Hello, everyone, welcome to another episode of Standing in your Truth podcast. I am your host, yanni. Hope everyone is enjoying their Easter break. Is it a break? I guess it's Easter break. That's what it is. Whatever it is, it is anyway your time off from school or work and hopefully, if you're working, you got time off. I know some friends that are still having to um work, but I'm blessed, my job allows me to have good friday off and the monday, so kudos to them. Well, I'm gonna allow my guest to introduce herself. This is a special one, y'all. I'm going to allow my guest to introduce herself. This is a special one, y'all.
Speaker 3:Yay, hi, my name is Alexis. I am a 29-year-old full-time working mom of two kids, adeline and Alexander, and I'm so excited to be here.
Speaker 2:I'm excited to have you, so we're going to start with house questions and then we'll get into the real reason why she's here and how she's going to help educate us. So the first one is what motivates you?
Speaker 3:This one was an easy one for me. Ever, since I became a mom, my kids are the one and only thing, not the only thing, probably the biggest things that motivate me.
Speaker 2:Honestly, I feel like all the moms that I have on here are parents, so I say that's usually what it is.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it's like your life just changes after you know you have your kids and everything else is just different, and so my one motivation is, you know, to give them a good life, um, to let them know that they're enough and they do their best, you know what?
Speaker 2:and whatever. That is that, that's enough. Okay, nothing's wrong with that at all. How do you protect your mental health?
Speaker 3:I used to be really bad at protecting my mental health In a way where maybe I felt like it just wasn't as important you know, but lately I'd say over the last year or so I've really just been taking the time to myself, doing things that I enjoy.
Speaker 3:I love to read, I like to do like little crafts puzzles, adeline, and I like to open a coloring book and just chill Again. Becoming a mom, you think you have to get every single task done and on time and clean your house and have everything so perfect. But once you drop that mentality, I feel like that's when it's easier to allow yourself to have those mental health moments yeah so that was a big learning experience for me, but putting that, making that important, has changed a lot for me.
Speaker 2:The same parents mental health matters? It does, for sure. I guess this question kind of ties a little bit into that. But what is your self-care routine?
Speaker 3:Self-care routine.
Speaker 2:If you have one.
Speaker 3:I don't know if I have, I wouldn't say routine. I'm really bad at routines and that's kind of crazy. Going into our next topic, routines are important. That's part of my learning process too. Um, I would say not much of a routine but more of a to-do list, like I tell myself take this time off, take this time to do something for you. Yeah, whether that's again coloring, reading, spending time with the kids, just one-on-one um, that's kind of what it looks like for me and like for our household. Routines kind of just don't really work as much as I want them to.
Speaker 2:You know, the funny thing is I'm the opposite. I feel like I'm like routines work for me, and the second I get off I'm like hold on.
Speaker 3:It throws everything off. Yes, and I wish I was like that. I tried a train, I don't know.
Speaker 2:I think you need to do like a healthy middle.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Because, if I get to, the train gets off the track for me. I always use this. This is probably a poor example, but working out like 75 hard, I can probably do good for five days. If something throws me off, then I forget the whole 75 hard. But that's not really like I got to figure that out.
Speaker 3:It's a lot of self-discipline with routines and I think that's my struggle there is like to you know, mentally prepare myself like you're going to stick to this routine.
Speaker 1:That is where I struggle.
Speaker 3:And then again things get thrown off. I'm kind of like you in that way Throws off. I'm like, OK, well, let's just try another route, but as long as the to-do list checks off.
Speaker 2:I think that's what matters right, yeah, as long as you got that list, it's good I thought that okay, what advice would you give your younger self?
Speaker 3:um, I would definitely tell my younger self that everything always ends up being okay in the end um, I feel like I used to over stress about certain things or get like instant anxiety, thinking something you know is not going the way it's supposed. I was a kid that grew up thinking I was gonna have like a perfect, like five-year plan, you know, go to college, get married, have kids, be successful in whatever career I chose, and that just wasn't realistic. But I wish I could tell my younger self that that's okay, like that five-year plan was never gonna be perfect, it was never gonna, you know, just work out the way I picture, or perfectly pictured it, yeah, in my head, you know. So I would definitely tell myself to to lose the anxiety, lose the stress about it and just live life and figure it out, because it always ends up working out it does a lot of times.
Speaker 2:You're the. It working out is sometimes better than you even planned. Right, but it's you have to let go of the plan for you to actually see. Yes, you know the flowers at the end, so I understand that for sure. What is your mindset when you're told no or the door shuts?
Speaker 3:this is another thing I used to struggle with really bad, because, um you know, no one likes being told no right no one likes when a door slams in your face. Yeah um, I used to fear rejection, so bad to where, if I got told no or a door was shut, I would not try it again I'd be like, oh, I was rejected.
Speaker 3:I'm not gonna put myself through that again. I don't want this dress. I don't want the emotions with it, um, but now I feel like a door shut is just means another one's gonna to open right back up for you. That door shut for a reason and if you would have stuck with that, it wasn't going to work out in your favor. You know, um, I do believe God's purpose is the reason why those doors shut, and if it wasn't meant to be in that moment, there was something better planned.
Speaker 3:or maybe I took the wrong turn and went somewhere I was not supposed to go and that door slammed right in my face and it was, you know, for a reason yeah so I feel like um doors being shut just means that I have to be bold and confident and walk into whichever direction is next and see what door that leads to I love that mindset, though a lot of times, you know, the common answer for this was always the door says no.
Speaker 3:Then I'm just gonna, you know, figure out why and still go into it oh yeah um, and then it's like yeah, it's like that door was not meant for me, I think I tried opening it. It could even be you're opening it too soon and you're not ready for that, that's true. So also rushing things um. Just isn't, it isn't, you know the plan isn't the purpose. So yeah, it's always good to redirect and just figure it out I've kind of added that to my prayer.
Speaker 2:Life is um for god to like for me to be on the pace that he sees for me to be on where you know. If I need to slow down this season, allow me to slow down. If I need to speed up, I actually do something instead of right sitting on my butt, then allow that yeah, you know to for me to see that and to move but, I thought you you brought up a good point, though the pace matters yeah, I feel like it's often forgot right it's like the opportunity, you know.
Speaker 2:You know when matters too, so okay. So I saved this one for last, because I feel like this may tie into um our topic for today, but this one is what is one moment um in your life that has really shaped you or made a huge impact um.
Speaker 3:So again going back to my kids, um, both okay. So adeline, I don't know if you knew this about adeline too, but when she was born she was born with the left clip foot, no, so her foot was fully turned in like a good 90 degrees um, and it was stuck like that. When I first saw her little foot after I had her thought it was broken, I asked the nurse. I was like, well is, can you tell me what's wrong here?
Speaker 2:yeah, and they're like oh my gosh, I don't know.
Speaker 3:And I was like, well is, can you tell me what's wrong here? Yeah, and they're like, oh my gosh, I don't know. And I was like what do you mean?
Speaker 2:you don't know, you're the nurse, like yeah if you don't know, you got a problem stressful first time, mom, I was by myself at the.
Speaker 3:It was like overnight at that time, um and so I was like stressing out, but I was like it's okay, like she's not crying, so it doesn't hurt her. Anyways, fast forward. We found out she had a club foot. We had to start treatment right away. She was like a couple weeks old and she was put into a cast. And so these casts it was a series of casts they were basically stretching her foot into the opposite direction.
Speaker 3:That way it can stretch out this Achilles tendon, where they can go in and then snip it to stretch the achilles tendon and correct the clubfoot. Wow, so first time mom again did it. I had no idea this was happening. Um went to a doctor in lubbock and the first treatment we did like a series of four casts. Every single week she would get a new cast and then they had to go in and do the surgery. The surgery it was in office no anesthesia. They didn't put no anesthesia on my little baby's ankle. They just went in and literally snipped the back of her achilles and then put her back in a cast and we had to wait like nine weeks after that to get it off maybe six weeks. So nine weeks sounds a little bit much.
Speaker 3:Um, that was a crazy experience um wow and I'll try to make that one short, because it's a long that they ended up not doing it correctly. Um, we ended up getting a second opinion and that doctor told us that it was done incorrectly and it actually made her foot worse oh gosh start over from the beginning, start casting.
Speaker 3:She had another surgery. She was good. Then covid hit um, and so around that time we you, you know, we took that very seriously. We stayed indoors. We didn't go, cause the doctor was in Dallas. We did not go to Dallas, um, and in that time her foot regressed again. So we had to start treatment one more time Again. Series of casts, all the stretching. She was about three years old at this time. She had a surgery. They've fully fixed it. This time they had to realign the tendons on top of her foot. So what they did was they snipped the tendon that connects to her big toe and they shared it with the one on her pinky toe. So if you can imagine that, it kind of pulled over the foot so it could be straight, um. But that one was probably the best experience we ever had. We had a different doctor.
Speaker 2:He was great with her, he fixed her and since then she's been fully healed I'm going to say because I definitely see your videos of her and her soccer, soccer now um, she gets to do everything a little normal little kid gets to do.
Speaker 3:It's like her foot is smaller, it's cute, it's like a whole shoe size smaller than her right foot. Um, but she's capable of doing everything. And, you know, there was a point where I was scared, like if this was gonna, you know, be something for the rest of her life that she's gonna have to deal with, and it was gonna keep her from being she's an active little girl. Yeah, it feels gonna keep her from being active or, you know, playing with friends and. But no, everything worked out and it was great and it a couple shut doors but led us to a new doctor and a new hospital. That helped her so much and it was a great experience.
Speaker 3:That time, um, the one before was really hard to deal with, sounds like it, um, but that changed a lot because I really had to surrender to god and just put it all in his hands and be like lord, I trust you, with this she's going to be fully healed, she's not going to have complications like this is not what she meant for her life and I fully believed that. And here she is walking in a little.
Speaker 3:She's a walking testimony of a miracle because you know it was hard to deal with um, and then same with alexander. So alexander is on the autism spectrum. Um, he's non-verbal, he. We don't really know the extent of where he's at on the spectrum so far, we just know you know that he's on it. That's one thing is the lack of resources here is hard. We've been on waiting lists to see doctors to get like an official diagnosis, um, but we know all we need to know at the moment.
Speaker 3:So how old is he? He is um five. He'll be six in july, so that has also been you know both of their. So adeline with her foot brother on the spectrum, we call alexander brother, so yeah, I say brother a lot, that's what we call them. Okay, um, those two things have really it really caused a big shift in my life, because I, you know, when you think of you're having kids, you don't really expect anything to be.
Speaker 3:I don't want to use the word wrong, because nothing is wrong with them, but it kind of disrupts that perfect picture you have in your head um and the challenges that came with it at the time were hard, but thinking back on it now I'm like, wow, that really wasn't as bad as it felt in the moment you know, but those two things really did cause a shift, um, but I would say for for good, because, again, I had to surrender it all.
Speaker 3:I grew up in church. I grew up. I've never not known jesus, um, but this made me see him in a different way, you know. It made me put. You know, you grow up by. Oh, I love jesus, I trust in jesus. I give my all. But, as a mom going through these things, I really had to. I had to just lay it all down and just be like God these are your babies. At the end of the day, these are your babies. You're trusting me with them. You gave them to me for a reason, so I'm going to walk in whatever path you need me to walk in for them. And so if it wasn't for my faith in Jesus, I think it would have been way harder than what it was. Wow.
Speaker 2:So tell us about Brother, brother, yes, so give us the insight into your life, your everyday, his life, his life.
Speaker 3:He is a there's so many words I can describe Brother. He's just a wonderful little boy.
Speaker 3:He's the best little boy that I know, um, he is, he's nonverbal so he doesn't speak, but he communicates very well Um his day-to-day life. He's does everything. A normal, you know, uh, neurotypical is what they say kid does. So you know, know, he goes to school, he has his little school routine. He comes home, he loves his little magnet tiles. Um, he likes to watch his favorite movies, he likes to cuddle with sister or with me or with dad, and really if you were to see alexander and not know that he's on the spectrum, you really wouldn't know until maybe you see like a stem, him stimming, or he does a lot of vocal stems. So he likes to like repeat sounds. Um, he likes to, he does these little things with his fingers and with his hands. Those are the things that you would see from an outside looking in and be like oh, that's different, you know.
Speaker 3:But other than that that he's, he's great. He's a great little kid, he's very smart. Um, he's very playful, he loves people and so he's just. I don't know, he's perfect. Um, something about Alexander is like like the stimming. So with autistic children, stimulations are different for each one. Some of them are like super hypersensitive and the stimming is a way where they can self-regulate. Okay, so think in this room right now, like there's an AC right there.
Speaker 3:An autistic child might be hearing that air conditioner 10 times more than we are, and so for them. If it's freaking them out, if it's too loud and they're oversensitive, they might start stimming to self-regulate to calm themselves down. And so in that instance I feel something that people don't see is a kid trying to calm themselves, but instead they're seeing maybe a kid acting out. Does that make sense?
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, that does make sense. And I think for me, being in environments where you see a kid stimming or an adult stimming, I didn't understand what the what they, the reason for their actions or what they were doing.
Speaker 3:But now it's like okay, now that makes sense yeah, um, alexander used to spin a lot in little. That was one of the first signs. He was six months old and I noticed him just like spinning um in circles and that's one thing that I brought to his pediatrician. I'm like he does. This is that, you know, something we look for. And of course he's six months, it's like no, he's just, you know just baby behaviors Like he's okay, and then the little, the arms flapping started. But he would do that when he's happy, and so he gets excited and he starts flapping his little hands and his fingers and again told the doctor oh, no, it's okay, it's he's just, you know, expressing emotions and it really wasn't until he was about a year old that they finally listened to me and they're like oh it was actually a different doctor.
Speaker 3:She's like, yeah, you should have started therapy like a while back, and I was like, well, I tried, but here we are. But yes, stimming is a form of self-regulation. Even, you know, lights can be super sensitive to them, sounds, textures of clothes Brother doesn't really have, he's not big on textures, but some kids can be so overwhelmed by certain textures where it can feel painful to them almost because it's so uncomfortable. There's some kids you know that Alexander's never done this but where they will just, you know, take off their clothes because they don't like the feeling of it. One thing I've learned as a mom to an autistic child is just, you never know what autism is. An invisible thing, right? You can't see someone and be like, oh, they're definitely on the spectrum.
Speaker 3:Yeah, something's definitely going on. You really can't tell. So every time I'm at the grocery store and I see a kid having, you know, a hard time, my first thing isn't to think, oh, they're just terrible, terrible tubes, or that poor mom dealing with the terrible behavior or something. Instead it's like oh well, you don't, maybe it's too noisy in here for them, or maybe there's too many people around, or maybe they can hear that cart squeaking like times 10. Yeah, you know. And so it really gives you a different perspective on how to see, um, not only children, but the parents too, because at one point it was hard for us to go out in public. One, we didn't like to stress out, alexander, because it is stressful for them. Two, you don't like when people look at you and they're like oh, that kid is bad.
Speaker 3:No, it's like your kid's not bad. He's just having a hard time and as a parent, you do all you can to help. You know, bring them back down and get them self-regulated, but they're at the same time.
Speaker 2:There's only so much you can do yeah so wow is I'm thinking, even with this, what? Probably 10-15 minutes. I'm like whoa, I just you start to see things and I'm sure there's people listening.
Speaker 3:They're like, oh, I didn't, even, I didn't think of that yeah there's a lot, there's a lot, I feel like people don't think about. Um, even so, even when we first heard the words like alexander, you know, is on the spectrum, he's autistic, and then you think so my instant thought was like how am I going to get him to fit into this world, this you know everyday life of, you know the people and what's it called like social norms? Um, and instead my, my thinking on it has shifted from how can I get him to fit in to how can I get the world to be, or the environment to be, more accepting of him. It's he doesn't need to be fixed, but we can. If people had more knowledge or you know, even just the slightest little bit of an idea of what it's like to have a kid with autism, it would just change so much you know. And so that really has been a big shift for me. It's not, I don't need to fix Alexander to fit in.
Speaker 3:We just need to figure out how to fix those around us, you know, to accommodate him better.
Speaker 2:Yeah. So it makes sense, yeah, I mean seriously. I'm just sitting here and I'm like, yeah, because I've seen, you know, kids in their grocery stores having temper tantrums and I didn't pay attention to see you know if they were um steaming or what was actually going on. You automatically just see a terrible kid and you're like dude, get it together, fix your behavior.
Speaker 3:But yeah, you know that mom is not doing anything to try to calm their kid down. And it's hard, it really is um some things alexander likes. He likes like um, tight hugs or like pressure. So one thing we learned in occupational therapy is like if he's having a meltdown and if you're somewhere in public, to just, from head to toe, just start applying pressure. So what I would do is I got to start at his head and just give like light squeezes, go down to his shoulders, squeeze arms and you will just see. If you watch lilo and stitch, okay, you know the part where stitch is like building a city and then he goes and wrecks it yeah okay that.
Speaker 3:Imagine that I always picture that as alexander when he's having a meltdown, just wrecking the, and then you see lilo and she puts a blanket over him and he just lays down that's literally alexander, and how to calm like a meltdown, that's what it feels like, and so I just do, like pressure on his arms, on his legs, and he literally will just calm down.
Speaker 2:Can anyone do that to him, or is it just you?
Speaker 3:So Alexander isn't. He's not picky on touch or anything. There are kids who don't like to be touched Alexander. But I feel like I didn't give him a choice Because since he's a baby, I've been a smothering mom. I grab him and I don't give him a choice. He hugs me, he gives me kisses, I get to squeeze him all I want, and so he really doesn't mind the touch and that's something too.
Speaker 3:So when your kid is on the spectrum and so he's been in school since he was three the school system is actually really good at asking these questions to know how to accommodate to your child, specifically Because not every autistic kid is the same Everyone, I would say. They're all different, they have similarities, but some like things, some don't like things. Alexander doesn't mind being touched, but there's some kids who, if you're not my mom, you're not going to touch me, and I make it known Um, alexander's also a runner. He sees an open backyard and he's running. He likes to go from like fence to house, Like if we're in our backyard, fence to house, fence to house, um, but at school they say the same thing He'll run to the fence and then run back. But so those are questions that they ask Like does your child and they? They know the general questions.
Speaker 2:Does your?
Speaker 3:child like to run? Yes, so they put an extra buddy with them to make sure you know he doesn't get away, or an extra teacher or something like that. That way, eyes are on him because he's fast too. He made me sprint through Music City Mall one time because we were playing in the jungle gym and he just took off running and I had to run after him and of course he doesn't mean it. He's always giggling and laughing.
Speaker 2:He's having the time of his life. I was going to say having the time of his life.
Speaker 3:Having the best time, and there's nothing better than seeing Hair blowing in the wind, yeah, literally. Have you seen his hair? It's long and it kind of like bounces when he runs. It's so cute, but in the moment I'm like bro, you just made me sprint and I haven't done that in forever. Yeah, but stuff like that. Like his teachers have been so great. You know asking all the questions what foods do, because again, that's another thing very picky, very, very picky eater. He does not like to eat a lot of things really.
Speaker 3:yes, um, his favorite things are like fruit, which thankful, chicken, thankful, and he likes breads, but so if the chicken is not crispy, he won't eat it I'm not mad.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it has to be some crispy chicken.
Speaker 3:Um, if he doesn't like fruit, that's like wet, so like bananas are. No he don't, doesn't like bananas, um so like a apple he loves apples I think what else is like he? Loves grapes but, if they're, if they get too mushy, those stay in the bag he won't take out. He'll just eat the crispy ones. Breads he loves breads. He'll walk around Like if there's barbecue and we're eating hot dogs, he'll just have the hot dog bun.
Speaker 3:And that's it. So stuff like that. His teachers they actually his class actually won a grant a few years ago. So they have a full kitchen in his classroom, oh shoot, years ago. So they have a full kitchen in his classroom, oh shoot. And so we get to just send ingredients and his teachers will make him his food, and that, as a mom, is comforting because I know my kid's gonna eat what he wants, even though he's picky.
Speaker 3:Not what he wants, what he likes, um, and he's not, you know, starving at school because all they have is cafeteria food or something. So I feel like that kind of went off a little bit too.
Speaker 2:But, um, no, this is all like very important information, I feel like for us who are not exposed or don't really know anything about um, the autism, autistic, okay, like that world. By the way, I did not mention earlier. So april is national, I did not mention it earlier. So April is national autism month, which is yes, which is the reason why, um, I have Lexi here because we're friends in real life, but also on social media.
Speaker 2:I see her posting a lot yeah, and I was like this is actually interesting and I would love to have you come on, um, and just educate us all. Educate for more. So for myself as well. I mean as well, um, just to know. But I was going somewhere with that, but I have no clue where that where was. Just. Yeah, I was like I don't know. So how did you? What is? There's two things I thought about go with the first one. So I know he's mentioned that he was non-verbal. Is that in this? Does he do any sign language or no?
Speaker 3:he did not take to sign language we do try um, he will sign like more. He'll sign, please, when he wants to oh it's at this point. I don't know if it's because it's me and he knows I understand him uh-huh where he won't do it. I'm not. I know at school he communicates a little differently.
Speaker 3:Um, at school he actually has like an ipad where they prompt words oh and so at our last meeting they actually said he's doing really good with that, and so I kind of want to get one for us too. Right now we have like a grid on the fridge with prompts and he'll point to them, but for the most part, he I just understand him, yeah. One time I have a cousin who told me she she's like you're probably one of the only people that understand, understands his language, and I was like, wow, you're right, because it really is. You know me, him, dad, we, we understand him, yeah. Um.
Speaker 3:However, I can see how it would be hard for others to understand him. He loves to guide people, so he was here. Of course he's very comfortable with people. Uh-huh, he would, and he wanted. Course he's very comfortable with people. Oh, he would, and he wanted something. He would go grab your hand and he'll walk you all the way over and then he'll make your hand point to it oh if he has my hand and he wants water, he'll literally point my hand to the water.
Speaker 3:But we do a lot of very smart, yeah he is very smart he lets you know. He, he's non-verbal, but he can communicate, yeah, and he will make sure you understand what he's asking for. Um, what are they called like cues? So he'll, he'll give us the cue and we'll verbally say it, because eventually he will end up, yes, yes he will um he has said a few things.
Speaker 3:I think when he turned four is when he started saying some words. However, they don't always stick all the time. Sometimes it'll just be for a period of time and then they'll go away. Um, but we do know he can say them, he is able. He did say I love you for the first time a couple months ago, so clear, so perfect, and he said it over and over, maybe like 10 times. I caught a little bit on video, but he has not said it since then.
Speaker 3:Okay, um, he, he has said I love you, but not as clear as he did it that first time. Yeah, now it kind of sounds like I wub, wub, wub you, and that's enough for me because, you know, at one point I was like I don't know if I'll ever hear his voice, but he does show me. You know, every once in a while he'll say it. Um, and to me I take that as a sign is I don't know if he'll always be non-verbal. If he is, then he is, if he's not, then he's not. But we've learned and we're adapting to how he communicates and that's what he really needs from us to just figure out what it is and how, how he's able to communicate with us. And you know we can, we can live with that. That's perfectly fine wow.
Speaker 2:So how is big sister adapting?
Speaker 3:oh, she's the best big sister and I think everyone that experiences them together says the same thing um, she is. When I'm not there, she's, you know, beside him and helping. She wants, and they're the same size, but this girl wants to carry him everywhere. I'm like adeline, he's a big boy, you can let him walk, yeah, um, but she'll talk him. She understands him too. So if we're around friends, and you know all the littles are together, she will stick by his side and make sure he's okay. She can tell when he wants, you know, a snack or water or something, and she'll either come get us or she'll let them know. She's also his voice and she's his little protector.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:So she also lets people know my brother's autistic and she'll say it too and you know she helps her friends understand. That was kind of hard at one point because they'd ask her like, well, why doesn't your brother talk or why doesn't your brother want to play with us? And she'll explain it. And for a six-year-old she explains it very well, wow.
Speaker 2:So I thought that's going to be something that um will allow her to be able to. I guess you can just say, relate to people a lot better. Yeah, because she's she's having to to show you know this compassion, um, and I think it's going to definitely probably that's such a young age, yeah um, it's already been spoken over her life a few times that she's going to be an advocate for, not only alexander, but for kids with special needs in general and I love that for her I can totally see it, and if that's what god has planned for her, I love it wow it's exciting wow your mental strongness.
Speaker 2:I just the from listening to you. I like our mental toughness is what I'm supposed to say, I was like that did not come out right.
Speaker 1:Mental strongness, whatever it is you figured it out.
Speaker 2:listening, anyway, I'm like wow, to go from your daughter and her journey to switch over to now your son, and having to figure out how to figure that out while still parenting, by the way, yeah, so as long as you have one, so you have. You're having, you know to adjust to make sure that he's comfortable, but then also parent the way your daughter needs to be. Parent right, so you're almost I mean obviously any, any parent has parenting kids two different ways, but I feel like yours are that's yeah, and you know, sometimes I don't realize it until it's brought to my attention in that way, because I guess we've just adapted to it so well and I don't really notice.
Speaker 3:I don't really notice it, but I do appreciate it when it's brought up to me, because I'm not thinking of that you know and I appreciate that. That means a lot to me. I always tell people the best compliment I've ever received is how well I'm doing as a mother. That's the one that I take to heart, you know, and, um, they both have helped me grow so much to where. And then again this, this all goes back to my faith, you know, and God knowing, I have God by my side every single moment.
Speaker 3:I feel like that's what helps me stay strong, because it does. I don't want to steer anyone wrong. It does get hard. It does get tough. There's times where I'm like, why, why Adeline, why Alexander? You know both of them have struggles in different ways and I'm like, why, why them?
Speaker 3:You know, Um, but at the end of the day, I know God has a plan for both of them, for Adeline and for Alexander. Whatever that may be, there's a perfect plan in place, and if it was, you know, meant to be this way, for a picture that we can't see just yet, then we'll see it when it comes.
Speaker 2:And.
Speaker 3:I just have to trust that God, you know, has our back the whole way through it. It comes, wow, and I just have to trust that god, you know, has our back the whole way through it and I truly, truly, truly believe. That is why I'm able to stay mentally tough, because you know, without if with him, nothing you know nothing is going to fail yeah we'll be okay, yeah, but jeez can you imagine I'm like for you, your um, your mental health and self-care they are important.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so you know, make sure now, I know this I definitely will be just dropping in and say hey, make sure you take care of yourself. I would appreciate because, your. Your little ones need you. Even when they become big ones, they're still gonna need you. They are. I say that because I still need my mom to this day.
Speaker 2:So, yeah, you gotta make sure you take care of yourself yeah, because you're getting pulled um, and you're having to grow because, I mean, let's even talk about that process of having to, you know, learn how to parent. Um, you know, brother, and, like I said, you have your daughter's one way, he's another way, but at the same same time you're still mom, right.
Speaker 3:I will say with Alexander doing the early intervention therapy. I would say that helped a lot Because and shout out to Permia Care, I was just telling you about them yeah, they helped us so much in the beginning Because, again, we had no idea what we were doing. We had, I had no idea what autism spectrum really was and how it affected not only the kids but the parents and the siblings. And, um, you know, doing the therapies, we did speech therapy, we did occupational therapy, we did play therapy and, we did all the therapies.
Speaker 3:And they really were a good resource for me. They not only helped him, but they helped me Because, like we were talking earlier, at the end of the day I'm the one that's going to be doing it for the rest of our life. I can't rely on these therapists to come in and help him. So they really taught me how to navigate through it. And so they really taught me how to navigate through it.
Speaker 3:They taught me all the tips and tricks, all the signs like how to look out for when he's overstimulated and that's causing a tantrum versus emotions, like if he's just upset or you know something threw him off or sleep regressions were really really hard. Those are still hard. Just earlier this week, he did not sleep all night long, really all night long. I think he went to bed at like six in the morning. Um, needless to say, I kept him home from school that next day because he didn't sleep at all and that's, that's a normal thing and that's a normal thing that people don't really talk about.
Speaker 3:yeah, um, and really I don't know why it happens, but there's just I want to say it happens at least once a month where he will pull an all-nighter and just be up and he'll be the happiest, giggliest, ready to play, and I'm just laying there like please go to bed go to sleep.
Speaker 3:But it just, you know, that's something we have to learn to navigate with and therapy and stuff. That really helped. That really helped put my mind into trying to figure out what's going to help him versus trying to figure out on myself, by myself and being all over the place yeah, wow resources are important, and I feel like that's one thing that we have some of in the area, but not a lot of, or maybe?
Speaker 2:not enough of. I feel like probably not enough. Yeah, I don't think even. I think just medically in general, if you have anything abnormal, you're probably either having to go to lubbock, dallas or houston yeah which does suck we went to lubbock.
Speaker 3:Well, for adeline. We went to lubbock first and then ended up in dallas for alexander. We're on waiting lists in dallas and in san antonio oh, she was like a whole state thing.
Speaker 2:Yes, there's.
Speaker 3:There was one doctor in west texas um in lubbock, but she's no longer with us, oh yeah oh okay, um, which was crazy, it was again around covid. Um, she's the only doctor there, because a regular pediatrician can't diagnose autism disorder.
Speaker 3:They have to be um, like a neuro doctor they can't, they can't, just, you know, they have to get like a psychiatric evaluation by a neuro physician, and so that's why we have to go to these big cities where there's tons of neuro physicians there's none really here, especially for pediatrics. Um. So there was one in lubbock that we were on a waiting list for, and it was again around covid and sadly she had got covid right about the time we were about to go see her, and so since then we've been on waiting lists for this whole time.
Speaker 3:Wow. But luckily our school district, they, um, they do their own evaluation because, again Permacare.
Speaker 3:They helped us, they set us up, they got us the appointments. We went to the eval and the school district needs an evaluation to get them into, like the special education department. So they brought a doctor down. We went and had our evaluation at the administration building and their system is a little different because they want your kid to meet the standard to get the help Right. So they said this evaluation is nowhere near what an actual you know, for an official diagnosis would be.
Speaker 3:It was kind of an easier way to get in that way he doesn't miss out on the help while waiting for the actual right.
Speaker 3:I think that makes some sense yeah, so that was um again when he turned three, because pedicare will help you until you're three years old and then after that you do private therapy or school, and so we went the school route, because he does still get therapy services in class, so he gets speech therapy and um occupational therapy at school I wonder okay, I have, I actually have a one, I think she's an occupational therapist, my cousin.
Speaker 3:Oh cool, she's actually for the school district oh nice, maybe she may be alexander is, alexander goes to cameron, so I have to ask her.
Speaker 3:That's one of the schools she goes to I know she's always talking about someone having to visit a school, but I never asked her she used to go to lamar and I loved I loved lamar so much um the teachers there were so great. And again there they had occupational speech. I don't know if he did physical therapy there, I don't think he did. But that school I wish they would just be like a special needs school and a preschool.
Speaker 3:You know, all in one, alexander's class is actually um, all grades are in there and I'm not sure how does that work. Yeah, he's the only kindergartner in his class and I just learned that barely because I saw on this little list they have, but he's a kindergartner. I think they have two first graders and the rest are like third and fourth graders and crazy, but they're all boys except for one. There's one girl in his class. There's 11 kids total. Wow, so I don't know. Kids total, wow, so I don't know. I guess that's just how it is. Once they, you know, in preschool it was just his age group, um, in a class, but since he's in elementary school now they're just all together. But he has tons of teachers. So I want to say the ratio is like two to one, oh, two students to one teacher.
Speaker 3:Yeah, so he's getting all the care, all the you know help, know help that he needs and I love that His teachers have been so great with him.
Speaker 2:Okay, I was like when you said that, I was like no, what's that ratio? Because my brain was like that's not. But okay, two to one is not. That makes sense for sure.
Speaker 3:They, you know, they set goals for him every school year and they do things that are, you know, not crazy, where it's like, oh, he needs to learn how to write his name in cursive or you know something not achievable. So far, I think he's met every goal that they set for him.
Speaker 3:He's been doing really, really good. So it's exciting. It's exciting to see that's another thing I was going to talk about you know the milestones that we see our kids. Do you know crawling and walking and saying mama the first time? And those seem so different when your kid is on the spectrum because you don't really know when you're going to get to that milestone. You know, I feel like milestones are like, okay, between ages of three months and six months they're going to start, you know, babbling baby talk.
Speaker 3:And from six months to a year they're gonna start crawling and it was way off for us with alexander. He didn't start crawling till he was about 13 months old, a little after a year, and then he started walking at 14 months. So it was just you never knew what, what you're gonna get, like the talking that happened. He was four when he said his first word um. So that makes you really appreciate those milestones in a different way, because they're not expected. You know, as a as adeline hit, you know milestones, yeah, on the dot almost, but it makes you see it as I. I feel like it's a bigger celebration because it's like, wow it. It took a while, but we're here and we did it.
Speaker 2:He's keeping on your toes.
Speaker 3:Yeah, he really is.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you never know what you're going to get. That is sweet, wow. This is first of all. I want to say thank you for coming on and giving us the insight into your world, into brother's world, and to educate us all, and hopefully I would say you guys took something from what she said. Oh, one thing I do want to bring up. What resources do we have so someone listening to this that has a little one that's either on the spectrum or maybe is diagnosed with something else, what resources do we have that you know of?
Speaker 3:For sure, permeate care, especially if your child is under the age of three years old. Early intervention is always the best way to go because you'll start learning right away, as they're babies. I feel like that's what helped with Alexander. He was a little baby and he adopted really well to therapy. It took a little bit, it took a little bit of consistency, and he adopted really well to therapy. It took a little bit, it took a little bit of consistency, um, especially him getting used to different faces and the teaching and you know, therapy is not all you know sunshine and rainbows. It really gets them out of their comfort zone.
Speaker 3:So there is a little discomfort with it, but it all works out and it's great and every single person I ever came across with PermiaCare was wonderful, not only with Brother but with us as parents and they would check in on us and support us and it was really really, really good program to be in. Other than that, the SHARE program is a great resource for not only parents with kids on the spectrum, but you know any kind of special needs is they help. They have parent support groups, they have sibling support groups.
Speaker 3:You know because sometimes a sibling kind of feels left out. You know, when you have a kid with special needs it looks like all your attention goes to them. And if they have a sibling. It could seem like, you know, maybe mom and dad are just care about. You know my brother, my sister and they need extra help so they have like siblings day out where they'll go and do activities with the other sibling um you know to make them feel, yeah, to make them feel loved and cared for.
Speaker 3:They have they like take care of your kids too, so parents can have a parents night out. They have a care of your kids too, so parents can have a parent's night out. They have a bunch of stuff the rodeo they always have a free sensory night for the rodeo. The fair they always have a sensory night for the fair. But they're also starting new things like sensory time at I don't know if Cher is the one that does this, but sensory time like at the theater. Synergy. I would say, just get plugged into one of those groups and they always keep you updated what's going on, not only within their organization but within the community.
Speaker 3:Um like sensory free, you know, like I said, movie times or I've seen the trampoline park. Do that um the rodeo, the fair. They really keep you plugged in with stuff like that well, that's good.
Speaker 2:It's good to also know that you have a community that's um willing to think outside the box yeah and not leave anyone behind there's actually the share um.
Speaker 3:They're having a share walk on the 26th of this month and so that's like a resource fair. Um, we've done it the last few years. Uh, we're just gonna be guests. This year we didn't make a team, but it's very helpful.
Speaker 3:There's so much that there the community offers that we don't know of you know, until you kind of get plugged into stuff like that, but that I would say, if you have anyone in your family that's on the spectrum special needs, that share walk is a great. There's like booths everywhere with great resources. Therapy there's like music therapy there there's a little.
Speaker 2:That sounds interesting.
Speaker 3:Alexander did music therapy for a little bit at Lamar. It's actually because he loves music and pretty much what it is. They like play with instruments. Some kids, you know, find it soothing for stuff like that. Alexander is a repetitive type, so he likes repetitive sounds, so like the drumming he stuff like that. Alexander is a repetitive type, so he likes repetitive sounds, so like the drumming he does like that. Um, I'm not really sure what else they did, but I know he did enjoy music therapy. Um, I know there's like a little ranch in midland that does like horse therapy, not only for kids on the spectrum but for kids with special needs, and they'll go horseback riding and count your girl out.
Speaker 2:I'm gonna undo it, but I'm definitely not going, so that's not for me. No, I don't do pets politely.
Speaker 3:No, I should say pets, animals, none of that no um but yeah, that was like I had no idea that existed until we saw them at the sharewalk. So definitely get plugged into something that will show you what's, because sometimes you don't know what's around until you actually dig and look for it um, and sadly, sometimes that's what we have to do is dig and look. But that resource fair is a great way to get plugged in.
Speaker 2:Yeah, gosh, I would just say start somewhere, and um, this is for anyone yeah just you're. Just, you're not alone. You don't have to do life alone, right, um? So just reach out to someone, um, and get plugged in community matters. Everyone needs a village, whether you're an adult or, um, you're a kid. Yep, that's one thing I had to learn. I would definitely sit at my house by myself.
Speaker 2:I was like, look, everyone needs a village yeah, definitely well, is there anything else that you want to share with us, that we have not touched on, um that you want to bring up?
Speaker 3:um, I would just say, as encouragement for parents you know that are on the same walk, like what you just said, to find a village to get plugged into I would say that you are chosen for this. God has a plan for you, and not only for you, but for your child. I know it seems like sometimes we can't see past.
Speaker 3:you know, today but, there's a perfect plan for all of us and you're equipped, you can do it. You're not alone. God is with you throughout it all. Um, not only that, there's a community of parents.
Speaker 2:you know that you can find and I'd love to befriend anybody, because you know it's hard to find people who relate right I would say that find someone who can relate, that you can talk to, um that understands what you're going through and you know you can do it, it's it's achievable, we can get through it, we can learn, we can grow, we can adapt and we can advocate and be a voice for our kids yeah, and I was listening to you now and I'm going back to what you said earlier, when you were, you know, I think at first you said you were like you know why me, why my kids, and I'm like, well, it sounds like I'm sure you figured it out out since then, but it sounds like you were chosen I'm just going to say it and I feel like it's chosen based upon you.
Speaker 2:Have your faith, like you said, that you know that's what keeps you, you know, going and mentally strong, and I'm like, oh, so that's why you know God gifted them to you is because he knows he put them in hands where you know you will still look to him to guide you through how to raise them.
Speaker 3:Right. Thank you for that. Because, only now I feel like I'm fully, I'm starting to walk in the purpose God has planned for me. And if it's this, if it's being a voice and an advocate for not only these children but for parents, because I think parents need it too. Parents need it just as much, because it's tough and it's you know, it's hard getting the stares and the whispers and it's.
Speaker 3:It's noticeable. You know people make it noticeable and it's hard as a parent almost makes you want to like curl up and just stay inside your house, but that's not how any of us should live. I think our kids deserve to see the world, they deserve a place in the world and they deserve the love that you know, all of us get to have. So I fully feel like God is preparing me for something more, you know, just to be an advocate for families in general, and I'm ready Lately. My prayer has been.
Speaker 2:God, I'm ready for this.
Speaker 3:If this is where you need me to be, I'm ready for it.
Speaker 1:Let's do it.
Speaker 3:Because I think I really have a passion for not only the children, but for the parents too.
Speaker 2:Well, kudos to you, and I definitely will be. You're on my have. Like certain people like that. I just drop in and say, hey, you know how's it going. Do you need anything?
Speaker 2:usually, if I need anything is like a coffee or dinner, like oh I do um because I realize a lot of times I think we always think help has to be something drastic, but sometimes just the presence or the fact that, like oh shoot, you know she thought of me or you know she's rocking, yeah, like the little little things, should I say, matter um, and I'm big on little things, yeah I think it's. Those are the simple things that actually like make the make the difference.
Speaker 2:Right you know, versus the big grand gesture that is like what? Yeah, where you'd be. Like what was that? Yeah, I get you. That's just me. Okay. One last question before we're done what do you stand for?
Speaker 3:I stand for inclusivity.
Speaker 3:I feel like everyone deserves to be included, but I also stand for love. I feel like that's what we are truly called to do is to love each other, love everyone. I think everyone deserves love. Everyone deserves to be loved, and we need to be better at giving love and showing love to all around us. It's just that's really the thing god wants from us is to love each other and be together and stand together and help one another, and that's truly what I stand for all right, it's funny and I talked about the other night.
Speaker 2:Um, you know, my bible always says like you know, love your neighbor like yourself, and I'm like. Well, I think half the battle that we have as the world is we don't take the time to love ourselves yeah, that's a big part of it how are we gonna love our?
Speaker 3:neighbor if we can't live ourselves yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:So now we're gonna leave y'all with to love the neighbor. Like lexi just said, you gotta love yourself so once you love yourself, yes, like find something you love. Love rather it be the coloring book, which is a side note I adult.
Speaker 3:Coloring books give me anxiety oh no, my idea a little like the bold picture coloring books, like the big pictures yeah, because I pulled up, I was like these little dots, like I don't, like. This is actually giving me real I think they lied when they said those are adult bro, I still live in the trash.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I go.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm like, if it's not the big ones or something, that's like huge for a fifth grader or something, or a five-year-old I ain't coloring it, but anyway, sorry, I just get that off my chest, uh, but find some way to love yourself. Yes, and this is, maybe you're realizing that you haven't been loving yourself. Hey, let this message be a start start doing something you love you know. Find goals for yourself, write them down, start achieving them, whatever it is. Just find somewhere to love yourself, that way you can love your neighbor because, like we said, you can't do one without the other. So that's just that. But thank you again. Thank you.
Speaker 2:This is like this is thoroughly. I've thoroughly enjoyed this. Like I'm like okay, so now, especially like with me being out in the community and I see little ones and I'm around little ones, um, and I once worked in um a church in the back with three-year-olds and I will never forget experience I had and I'm not sure I actually I think that kid might have been on the spectrum, yeah, but just before this conversation I didn't know nothing. I definitely didn't know nothing then and all I knew was to either give him whatever toy he wanted or, uh, we used to give him a toy he wanted or like, obviously, in the back you have lessons he wasn't getting down with the lessons, but I would just let him be in the corner as long as he was in the room.
Speaker 2:He wasn't in the bathroom, because the bathroom was right there. Um, I kind of let him be, yeah and then sometimes that's all it.
Speaker 3:Sometimes that's all they want is like they need their space yeah, and whatever makes them happy and then they'll be okay. Yeah, and I was definitely a learning.
Speaker 2:No, I didn't process, I definitely was, and I remember to give him the yeah, because that church they had the worship service um and it was. It was loud yeah because all the kids like loud, they'd be jumping and having a good time and it would like definitely yeah, now you'll be able to see those little cues that where it's like, okay, maybe it's not a tantrum, but they're overstimulated.
Speaker 2:Yeah now, looking at that, I'm like that's definitely what that was yes I think after like the second and third thing, I realized okay, let me get some headphones. So, like, as soon as we got over there, I was like hey, give me those.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Because he used to take off. Yeah, and I would be like bruh, I got you and all these other kids and I can't have you running off. So we're going to get you these headphones, first, usually headphones, and then headphones, and then um, at that time I had crocs to have the charms in them, so he would have the headphones on and he would play with my charms, my crop charms, and I would let him do it, because he would sit there and then once they were done, yeah, and I kind of just picked him up and then we went back to class, but I kind of I learned, like you said, learning to adjust, yeah but it just was.
Speaker 2:No one ever taught us anything, so that probably sucked.
Speaker 3:But yeah, it's definitely a learning process, but once you know it's, it's so, it's really easy to figure out um, and really, when it comes down to just being over, you know how, when you feel overstimulated, you want to just turn everything off. That's how I see it. So once I see alexander's overstimulated, it's like, okay, let's turn things down, let's go a little slower, um, and it really that does make a big difference for them.
Speaker 2:So because them headphones definitely worked, and so did my charms on my crocs and I, I think at one point I popped one off. Did I care? Not at all. I was like hey, whatever it works for you, because me and you, that's all we got right now. So we just, we just thugged it out. So that is that for sure. Well, thank you guys for listening. Thank you, lexi again for coming on. And remember, practice some self-love and some self-care today and peace out until next time.
Speaker 1:Thank you for listening to another episode of Standing in your Truth with Yanni and if no one told you today, you are loved, you are beautiful, you are needed and you matter. Be sure to follow on Facebook at Standing In your Truth Podcast with Yanni. Also on Instagram Talks With Yanni.
