Standing in Your Truth With Yanni
The podcast "Standing in Your Truth" will feature Yanni and a group of friends engaging in profound and intimate discussions on subjects such as mental health, finances, faith, and strategies for finding motivation during difficult periods. In this space, guests will be invited to share their life journeys, including the challenges they've faced and the obstacles they've overcome. This podcast aims to provide a platform for individuals to share their stories, ensuring that everyone's experiences are acknowledged, valued, and celebrated.
Standing in Your Truth With Yanni
The Life-Changing Power of Choosing Your Battles
When faced with life's challenges, knowing which battles to fight can transform everything. In this deeply personal conversation, Esmeralda—a single mother of two teenagers and owner of HMS Fitness—shares how learning to pick her battles became her guiding life philosophy.
"You don't have to fight with everything you don't agree with," she explains, revealing how this mindset preserved her energy and sanity while navigating single parenthood, building a business, and healing from past relationship trauma. Her journey from a difficult marriage to creating a thriving life offers powerful insights for anyone feeling overwhelmed by constant conflict.
The conversation explores how our choices—from health decisions to relationship boundaries—create ripple effects throughout our lives. Esmeralda candidly discusses the importance of self-care, revealing that consistent exercise became her non-negotiable mental health practice. "If I don't work out consistently, I won't be able to sleep," she shares, challenging listeners to identify their own essential self-care practices.
Perhaps most powerful is the discussion about friendship and support systems. Esmeralda shares moving stories of friends who appeared exactly when needed during her darkest moments, demonstrating how the right people can help you weather any storm. "Your friends are either going to challenge you to grow, to do better and support you, or they're going to bring you down," she observes.
The episode concludes with a message of hope that resonates deeply: "Everybody is stronger than what they know." When life's battles seem overwhelming, remember that within you lies greater resilience than you realize. As Esmeralda reminds us, even depression spells out "I press on"—a powerful reminder that we can choose to move forward, no matter what battles we face.
Standing In Your Truth Podcast with Yanni Thomas
Hello everyone, welcome to Standing In your Truth podcast with your host, yanni. On this podcast you'll hear Yanni, family and friends having open-ended discussions on anything from faith, finances, relationships and how to stay motivated during life's trying times. Make sure to follow on all social media platforms. The social media link is in the bio. Sit back and get ready to enjoy.
Speaker 2:Hello everyone, welcome to another episode of Standing your Truth Podcast. I am your host, yanni Thomas. How have you guys been? How's it going? Hope all is well, I am. This is going to be the second episode of my new series where we're just doing life models. So I'm having my friends and family come on and just tell us what their life model is. It could be an old life model, something they've been living by for forever, or something they just found. So I have my first guest to give her life model, so I'm going to let her introduce herself.
Speaker 3:Hey guys, my name is Esmeralda. I am a mother of two kids two teenagers right now and I run HMS Fitness, an all-woman's gym. I think that's my summary, I guess.
Speaker 2:Is that the?
Speaker 3:summary of your. That's the summary. I have HMS Fitness and I'm a mom. Hey, nothing wrong with mom.
Speaker 2:All right, so we're going to start off with our basic questions that we ask everyone. So what motivates you?
Speaker 3:My kids. That's the easy answer yeah, that was. I'm like that was crazy Okay.
Speaker 2:What advice would you give your younger self?
Speaker 3:That one is that one's kind of like tough. What advice would you give your younger self? Yeah, I feel Not everything. I guess like back then I'm like, I feel like everything, like something happened. It's like, oh my God, it's the end of the world.
Speaker 3:Oh, you know like this can happen because it's the end of the world, but it's not like there's so much more. Like back then, you know you're only 17. Like now I look at younger people you know 17, 20. And I'm like man you're still baby. You know, like you have so much life ahead of you and so many more choices to make, so many more mistakes to make, so much more to grow, and I feel like I guess that's what I would tell my younger self. Like you still have room to grow. This isn't it.
Speaker 2:It's not the end of the world. Yeah, when you're younger, I feel like also, your mind is only focused on and knows so many things. So when you get older, your mind expands. Obviously you're like oh wait, that wasn't the end of the world. Yeah, I can relate to that one for sure. Yeah, yeah. What is your mindset when you are told no or a door shuts?
Speaker 3:There has to be another way. There has to be another way as far as, like, no, um, this can't be done. Or you know, um, if a door shuts, another one will open. Okay, so it may be like if what you wanted at that time isn't coming through, or, um, you have a life project or something going on and it doesn't happen, something else will that makes sense to me.
Speaker 2:All right, this is the last question for right now. Then we'll get into our topic. Um, how do you protect your mental health and what is your self-care routine? So, I guess, you can start with what's your self-care routine first the gym.
Speaker 3:Yes, yeah, two times. I have to. Yeah, two a day. And don't get me wrong, there's days where there could be a day where I'm like man, my body's beat. I have to take a day off. But if I do not work out consistently, I won't be able to sleep.
Speaker 1:Really.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it's my mental health for sure. That's literally. I cannot. I don't think I've gone more than a week. You know, even if I go on vacation, whatever, I have to work out so are you like on vacation in the? I'll go for a run. Oh you go, I can go for a run, yeah I can run uh-huh definitely that's my mental health goatee for sure.
Speaker 2:Maybe a walk for about 30 minutes. That's about what you're getting on me on vacation, getting from me on vacation, that's crazy. Uh-huh, definitely that's my mental health go-to for sure. Maybe a walk for about 30 minutes.
Speaker 1:That's about what you're getting on me from vacation.
Speaker 2:Getting from me on vacation, that's crazy. So how far can you run? Have you tracked how many miles?
Speaker 3:you run or you just go. No, I just go, like say, if I'm out of town three miles you know, but I'm not like running, or if it's a hike, whatever, I'll jog, take pictures here and there. Oh, okay, okay, catch my breath. Look at the scenery whatever, but it's something. But it's something. Yeah, I'm moving, I have to move, I'm moving that is hilarious, Uh-huh.
Speaker 2:Okay, so the burning question is I'm doing a little drum roll.
Speaker 3:What is your life motto Right now? Learn how to pick your battles. Yeah, learn how to pick your battles is one.
Speaker 2:So define picking your like. What is the meaning of like? Learn how to pick your battles. What does that mean?
Speaker 3:You don't have to fight with everything that you don't agree with. Okay, so you don't have to fight with everything you don't agree with, as far as like, because if you did fight with everything, first of all, not everyone thinks the same. We all have our own opinions, whether they're right or wrong, but if you were to sit there and fight with everyone, you would be fighting all the time and wasting all that energy that you could be using on other things.
Speaker 2:yeah, yeah, so I think that's a really good one it kind of goes with um, I remember people always say the same uh, or my mind is blank, oh, we can agree to disagree yes kind of fall someone. Yeah, like picking your battles, I'm gonna agree to disagree with you and move on.
Speaker 3:Yeah, with respect, right, which I think is missing sometimes, and you know what when you like agree to disagree and you have a conversation, you can learn a lot from that other person like hey what's your point of view and why do you feel? Why do you feel this way over this subject? But you could learn a lot from the other person, even though you don't agree with them. It's something, something new, right, it could be a different point of view.
Speaker 2:I think that's why it's also important to have a diverse group of friends to help you to be able to, Because if you have a diverse group of friends, you're going to learn from them and some of the things you do you're not going to agree with.
Speaker 3:You're going to be like wait what?
Speaker 2:I don't get it or help me understand it, but, um, I think as long as there's respect there, I may not agree with what you're doing, yeah, but I'm going to respect you and you know that's what you want to do. Don't let you do it right, and you know, keep pushing from there. So I like that. But so how has picking your battles like changed your life? How has that really made a difference for you?
Speaker 3:um, I feel like you can either ruminate on stuff that you don't agree with or you don't like or that upsets you. Like something that's upsetting for you, right? You can either sit there and throw your pity party, like why is this going this way, this isn't the way that I want it to go, and you have no control over it, or you upsetting for you, right? You can either sit there and throw your pity party, like why is this going this way? This isn't the way that I want it to go, and you have no control over it, or you can just say you know what. If it's happening whatever, let it be, I'm still going to continue on doing what I do.
Speaker 3:Go to work, do the best that you can, because that's another thing. Like you don't know who's looking at you right for like guidance, or you could be somebody's lie, whatever. You also don't know what other people are going through and they're having their own issues and you could be there to help them, but you don't because you're over here throwing your pity party. You know what I mean. So I feel like that whole like pick your battles. It's like pick, pick the battles that you can control too. Like if it's out of your control. Why sit there and either fight it, be upset about it, if you can't control it? Yeah, so you putting feelings and energy into it is kind of pointless, right, mm-hmm. So I think that's the main concept of it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, concept of it. Yeah, I have to remind myself sometimes when we're out and about and customer service is not up to par, or like you're going through the dryer through and they don't want to give you the sauce, like their check relies on the sauce. Yeah, and I'm like dude, just give me the sauce and I have to remember, like for one, you don't know what it took for those individuals to come to work yes, I'm also like do you really need this sauce?
Speaker 2:yeah, probably not, so let's just move on. Yeah, so, yeah, I think, I definitely think there's some importance of picking your battles, but the question I have also is how do you know which battles to pick? Like for you? Is it like, is it based on like values, values or morals, or just how you're feeling that day? Like how do you know? I?
Speaker 3:think how it's gonna affect me. Okay, right, like if it's a battle that it's gonna affect me, like I don't know it could be a battle, like if it's a line, whether if you're gonna lose your job, yeah that's a battle you're gonna pick, because my like my job's on the line you know. I feel like the important ones that are really gonna have a dramatic effect on your life, then yeah. But if it's just a like yeah sauce from.
Speaker 1:McDonald's.
Speaker 3:You know what, Keep your sauce.
Speaker 2:I'm not this battle's not worth it. But I mean it also, I think, comes back down to your mental health, yeah, and like I mean, if I'm having one of those, you know, those days where pmsing I may need that you caught me on the wrong day yeah, yeah, yeah, today's not the day and you know what I've said that before.
Speaker 3:Like I know, like, for example, at the gym, we talk a lot of a lot of crap to each other, right, and there's days where I'm like maybe I'm just being a big baby. I'm like you know what, today's not the day, yeah, but it's. I have to check myself too and I'm like you know. You know, on a normal day would you be acting like that?
Speaker 3:I wouldn't so it's kind of one of those days, too. You have to check yourself too, like why are you being a big baby this day? Why are you, you know, out of the normal and you're like, oh, self-reflection moment yeah maybe yeah yeah, it's all the extra things that females go through.
Speaker 2:yeah, I think, yeah, joy, I think also it kind of goes with um, every action has a consequence, right. So it's like if you're picking your battles and the battle you choose, you have to realize okay, I'm choosing to fight this battle. Am I prepared for what's going to come with me fighting that battle? Yes, which I mean? Obviously, if you think about it that much, maybe you're good, but sometimes people aren't. Like you know, you make a bad choice.
Speaker 1:You know you're picking that battle.
Speaker 2:You're making a bad choice and you make a bad choice. You know you're picking them out. You're making this bad choice and you're gonna have to deal with it. Yeah, and I think also that could be. I think also that saying is usually negative but on the flip side it could be very positive. Yeah, like I'm choosing right now to put all of my spare attention which I, I say spare, but it ain't that much, but anyway all my attention into schooling. Yeah, me going to school, making sure. At this point I am telling myself I don't want anything lower than a, b, and that requires extra attention. Uh-huh, that is my action, my consequence. Better be me on the Dean's List, yeah, or honor, or whatever it's called. Yeah, and with a degree, and hopefully then that will lead to a different job, not leaving my job right now, but I'm just saying, um, I think that's.
Speaker 2:I hate that that saying is tied to negative yeah it doesn't have to be yeah, so I don't know what are your feelings on?
Speaker 3:every action has a consequence um, I mean yeah, I use it a lot with my kids um, if you're going to behave this certain way, or if you're going to get in trouble at school, or if you're going to do x, y and z, you know, like, if you're big, and if you feel like you're big and tough to make that choice, even though you know it's the wrong one, then you better be big and tough to face the consequences of whatever is to come and not necessarily just for me, because sometimes I can be a big pushover with my kids, especially with my.
Speaker 3:I'm the only parent in the house and that itself is overwhelming. You know, sometimes I wish I had, like somebody else, or like, you know, their dad. You know, telling them like, hey, chill out, or you know, and I could just be the nice PTA mom.
Speaker 2:And you know, and I could just be the nice PTA mom and you know, like that would be my perfect world, where I could just be like are you trying to buy snacks and everything?
Speaker 3:else, yes, I would still be that mom and be like you know what, like you know, they get in trouble and I'm like, okay, come on, I'll come for you, you know, but it sucks having to be those both roles. I hate it. I hate it, but I also know, um, like it's hard. But I also know, like in the back of my head, I have to step in, even though it's hard for me to do, and just put my foot down, even though that's also super hard for me to do, you know, but and then it goes back. Every action has a consequence. All right, esmeralda, are you going to fall into being a pushover because you don't want to be sad and upset?
Speaker 2:but then, because you don't want to be sad and upset, you're like screwing up your kid's life because you don't put order in their life you know, like you're kind of that's, that's a tough one especially it is I feel like not saying that girls don't need order order, but I feel like like guidance yeah, but boys need, I feel like, a little bit more, yeah, um, because I feel like a lost young man can really um, cause havoc, and for his family and then world around him, yeah, with him being lost.
Speaker 1:So I kudos to you for, uh, fighting the battle and knowing when to put your foot down or when to be like, okay, this is not that big of a deal, I can only have being.
Speaker 2:I don't remember. I think at one point she was both parents, so my stepdad was in jail and there was plenty of times where I would look for my mom and my mom would either lock herself in the bathroom and tell us us to give her five minutes, that was me that's me she would make sure we had dinner and she would do our homework, and then she would be gone for 30 minutes and you're like where'd?
Speaker 2:she go, she's in her bedroom crying no, no, no, she was out like driving I don't know what she's doing in the car. I asked her that one time and she's like I needed some time and and I said well, girl, when you was gone. We was fighting, I didn't know. What you didn't know is we was boxing, yeah, but I mean okay.
Speaker 3:Yeah, no, like I think that has as far as like raising them, and I think right now they're in a time of their life it's where they're trying to individualize and be more independent and, like, do things on their own. And now I can sit back and be like, okay, I was really talking the other day to another mom and she's like well, I feel like if I don't do this, I feel like a bad parent right.
Speaker 3:She has no time for herself. She's like she doesn't. She hasn't made it to the gym because she has to do all this with her kids. And I'm like you need to give yourself that time, because I feel like I used to be that way. But then if you because if you don't, then you'll kind of like she was, like then I'm a negative way. So now I'm kind of like you know, I have this going on and you're gonna miss out on that, because I'm have this going on and that's okay. Yeah, right. So I feel like, uh, I guess this could go out to more of the moms out there like don't feel guilty when you put some of your stuff ahead of their stuff like at the end of the day uh, it's fine, it's okay, it's I know I personally don't like this saying bad mom, I mean
Speaker 2:or bad dad, by the way, right um, and I think obviously there are some parents that are just not good parents but, I think when we use that term due to the fact of the parent doing something for themselves, such as the gym, such as mom or dad night out, or You're a person too.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah. Because I just I feel like, just like you made the statement, and like, at the end of the day, if you're not taking time to take care of your mental health, your physical health, heck, your health is just in general. Take care of you in general. Your kid is going to suffer.
Speaker 2:They're going to realize mom and dad or mom or dad whoever is not happy yeah, and they're going to see you not taking care of yourself. So they're going to think it's okay to always go above and beyond and give their all to someone else and forget that they are a person too yes, well, one, they won't appreciate what you do for them.
Speaker 3:Yeah, you know if you do what, if you go overboard, then they're not going to know the difference as to like they won't know the difference, they won't appreciate it. And then, two, I have seen something where like even the kid can get like think, is she upset because she has to do this for me? And then they start feeling guilty because you can make them feel that way, because you're like miserable or whatever you know. So yeah, I feel like as a parent, you do have to take time for yourself.
Speaker 2:Yeah, for sure yeah, I just I'm not a parent, obviously yeah but literally just about all of my friends are parents. Yeah, and they all say, like you know, I don't want to be a bad and I'm like I don't understand why that can't happen. Yeah, I mean it's like CPS is not being called. You're probably not a bad parent. I'm just saying Not that that's a good standard to go by, but I'm like take a second to breathe yo yeah.
Speaker 2:Because I mean, if you're not taking care of yourself and you drop dead and pass or you have this huge mental break, what about that kid then? Where is that kid going to go? Yeah, If you die, is that like nobody? I think a lot of people don't think of that extreme, which I'm going to understand, but I feel like, if you're gonna go down that way, well, let me hit you with the facts of like, yeah, your health matters, yeah, so if you sit up here and catch, one of these diseases or something.
Speaker 2:Who's watching your kid? Yo, right, because you're. A lot of people always say, like you know, well, I don't have anyone to watch them or I don't have a support group, cool. So even more reason for you to take some time yeah because you don't have it. So, therefore, if something happens to you. Uh, yeah, where do they go?
Speaker 3:like going down the street like come on now.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yes, definitely yeah, I don't know what we're gonna put down a rabbit hole, yeah, but I feel like that rabbit hole is needed for some parents listening to this that hasn't taken a second to breathe yeah breathe, yeah. And while you're breathing, remind your kid they need to breathe too yeah, and I'm not saying it's easy for sure.
Speaker 3:It's like, probably not any like an easy choice to make, but I feel like you need to make that choice and choices are just not easy to make and just make it, and you once you make it, you'll be like oh, that wasn't that bad yeah, yeah, or maybe I don't know.
Speaker 2:Is it possible to find something for you and your little one to do together to relax, is that?
Speaker 3:a thing you can, but you still need time for yourself. You do because I know I have both of my kids like. I have a chill kid and the other one is just like, not like, but dang, that kid can take a lot of my energy and I feel like, I think it's his character. I feel like we all have different characters and, like you know, when they're growing up, like dang, that one's gonna give me that, how one's gonna give me trouble, or that one's in you, as a parent, just have to guide them. You can only do so much to you guide them. You tell them in um, as a parent, that's really all you can do right like, at the end of the day, they're gonna grow up, they're their own person.
Speaker 3:Yeah, like I feel like we have to realize this they're that our kids are their own person. They're gonna grow up and be adults and there's nothing you can do about it I mean, mean that's the truth?
Speaker 2:Yeah, like I said, I have advice for parents, but I always am. I'm very I always say it too much because I ain't no parent, so I ain't gave birth to nobody, I ain't adopted nobody yet anyway. So yeah. I just I have, like I said, I have a lot of friends that are parents and then I am also the oldest in my family.
Speaker 2:so I feel like, to some degree, some of my younger siblings like I didn't birth them, but I like combed their hair, got them dressed, did their homework, fettle yeah I mean yeah to some degree for about three years yeah, that's still a long time you know so I like, I'm like I see some things and I'm like, oh, she's suffering and it sucks, yeah, and I would say also, if you're not a parent but maybe you're just like a wife or a husband.
Speaker 2:You need to find some time for yourself as well. Yeah, that's important just now that I can speak up but yeah I'm like now you're speaking my language, but, um, okay, is there anything else that we you want to touch on this from the, excuse me, from the life motto? Uh, picking your battles, or every action has a consequence?
Speaker 3:um picking your battles anything else? I can't think like not everything's gonna go your way oh, that's, a no you know that's a good one too that's a whole life, yeah and it's like, even if it doesn't go your way again, if it's out of your control, like what are you gonna do about it?
Speaker 3:yeah, you know, find another way. Yeah, find um, even if you have like I don't know how to explain it, um, even if you have like I don't know how to explain it, my thing okay, my thing for the longest time was like how I said, my dream was like be a PT mom and I get to stay at home mom and get to raise my kids, all that cool stuff, right, see me in the house making cookies, whatever I cannot. I can't even bake to save my life. I can cook everything too, but I cannot bake Really, I really for real, and so that to me was like man, why couldn't I be that?
Speaker 1:And.
Speaker 3:I could sit here and dwell and be sad, upset over it, and sometimes like I could get in those emotions, but I'm not. So then I am like being I'm raising my kids, I'm being a single parent, and like I feel like God has put me on this path and I have to roll with it, because sometimes we're put on a path that we may not agree with it, like, oh, this isn't what I want, but maybe there's a reason why I'm on this path and it's it's been good to me so far. You know like so far it's been, it's worked, um, and I just roll with it, like you can either sit there and fight and be like this isn't what I want, or roll with it, like and see what, what comes out of it, and I feel like so far it's been good.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that goes with. Everything happens for a reason.
Speaker 3:Yes, for sure.
Speaker 2:And then first when the what they say the sticker shock, or when the band-aid first comes off.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it hurts.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and sometimes I had my friend Monita. She told me this about two years ago you have to get over yourself.
Speaker 3:What does that mean?
Speaker 2:Like, yes, you can cry because this happened to you, but get over it, right, this happened to you and I'm realizing it's probably the case for a lot of us. Our lives are not our lives. There's people like you said, people looking at us. Right, god has put us on this earth to encourage, uplift and spread his love and joy and mercy across. Yeah, so it's like I have to get over myself sometimes. Yeah yep, I got divorced, that happened. Yeah, that hurt when it first happened and all the foolishness that took place.
Speaker 2:It hurt, but then now I'm here to say like, there's life after divorce yeah, it's not the end of the world.
Speaker 3:No, you're back.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's not the end of the world? Yes, but you just have to like you. I mean you said earlier like get over yourself. Yeah, get over yourself. It hurts, don't get me wrong. Okay, and it's not easy to do. There's some days where I'll be like man. What in the world is happening? Yeah, and there's some days where I'm like, why not me lord right, like, okay, you, you, this is my story. All right now, let's let's figure out. How how is this story? How am I going to grow from this story?
Speaker 2:yeah how am I going to be able to encourage my neighbor? Because I always say this whether you realize it or not, if you sit down and talk to your neighbor, you realize that you guys have more things in common than not. So it's like, how am I going to be able to, um, encourage my neighbor? And I realize the more I get out and I'm not scared to encourage or scared to speak is the more people that are like, oh, I can't relate to that and I'm like, okay, look.
Speaker 2:So this is why you know this is part of my journey is because I need to help sally 20 years from now yeah I mean it's not always immediate, you figure, when the pieces come together, it's definitely god's timing not saying that it's timing is 20 years, but sometimes I be feeling like it, um, and you're like oh, okay, now this makes sense yeah, no I get it, or even sometimes just to see how.
Speaker 2:Um, because I feel like sometimes when things happen, we think that he's not present and he's not there. And when you're going through it like it's like, it's like man, I'm why, lord me, and you're just figuring it out and navigating it, and it comes down to one thing for myself, the last three years have been like whoa.
Speaker 2:I realized how God has been there every single step of the way, the level of protection, the people he's put in my life, whether it be permanently or temporary. Because that's a thing too Everyone is permanently supposed to be in your life. Life, um, whether it be permanently or temporary. Yeah, because that's a thing too. Yeah, everyone is permanently supposed to be in your life, um, so it's, you just realize and you're like oh, he's never left me.
Speaker 2:Yeah, he. You know he's put this person in my life to make sure I was okay during this time period. He's put this person in my life because he know I needed someone that I could talk to 24 7 about everything. Yeah, you know, I had to get divorced to meet the guy I was now, so it's like it's dude.
Speaker 2:Yes, all of the time it works, but I think also to know that I needed to grow. Yeah, I was. It's always easy to be like man. You know, this happened blah blah. Yeah, that did happen, but what part did you take in it?
Speaker 1:Yeah, and how can you learn from?
Speaker 2:that, yeah, and I literally had to get rebaptized and went to therapy. Yeah, and I'm so glad I said this before on here, so glad I did that before I met Aaron, otherwise I would not have been prepared for him. Yeah, because he was the complete opposite and I was confused. Sometimes we still confuse us, man, because what Did I do this? I had no idea.
Speaker 3:Like I told you a lot of times, like the first, I think we were just friends.
Speaker 2:I don't think we were even actually dating. I was sick at my apartment and he bought me. He was leaving to go out of town and before he left to go out of town he bought me medicine, flowers, ice cream and some fuzz soup. That's cute and I was like. I'm like people like that's cute and I was like all right people do this, because I actually did that. I was sick, figure it out on your own, golly.
Speaker 2:So it's like what, or even the like this evening, um, we worked out together and that was something he would so previous the homeboy before thought it was cute to always tell me that I was like too big and my skin had um x-ray marks on it, uh-huh. So he'd be like go to the gym workout. And I'm like, okay, well, can you come to the gym with me and work out, because if y'all know me.
Speaker 2:You know that I am not like girl. I got two less feet, like I'm like well, can you come with me, like help me out? You know he was like no, I walk at work, I'm not walking with you and I'm Well. The other reason I'm going anyway, because I think I'm fine. So lack of self-confidence. I had to find that too, but anyway.
Speaker 3:so now, Dude, and you know what I feel like the people that you have around you are a big deal right, because you can have, like you know, someone like that that's like, no, you go walk on your own, no, whatever. Or you can have someone by your side that that's cheering for you and that's like, hey, no, we can do this, like, let's go to the gym together.
Speaker 1:Let's do this together.
Speaker 3:Um, I feel like that's a big deal. That's it. Yeah, it's a huge deal, it is Even, it could even like. Yes, that's to me, I feel like that's a big deal. Um, even like you see, like your friend thriving or whatever, and you're like you know, I'm proud of you, or whatever, um, you can rub off of that, you rub off of the, you feed off of each other, you rub off of, like the energy. Um, yeah, that that's a big deal to me, that that I can stand on that. Like, whoever you hang out with, like your friends, your small circle, um, your circle of friends, like will help you either like succeed or like um, how would you say that?
Speaker 2:like you're either higher or bring you down, yeah, they can really bring you down it's one of those things where you're going to, your friends are either going to challenge you to grow yeah, to do better and listen to you and support you, or they're going to do the straight opposite. They're going to bring you down, they're going to use you, they're going to abuse you and probably when you get to your bottom, you're when you're at that moment where you need help, because it's life or death for you. If that's not a good friend, they're not going to be around. Yeah, yeah, for sure, and I've dealt with friends like that. But I felt like the funny thing is, um, um, maybe like 2021, um, I met this lady and she was like your friends, you need to clean up your friends. And I was like, okay, and she's like say the prayer Lord, sweep off, or clean off my back porch, or something like that.
Speaker 3:And all of a sudden, these random people started like falling off, disappeared, and I was like, oh, I guess not a lot of friends are falling off, but I have friends now that I know for sure.
Speaker 2:If I say, hey, I need something. They'll show up. If they're not showing up, they'll communicate and tell me like hey, you know I want to, but this is what I have going on yeah so, and I am, I try to be the friend that I want.
Speaker 3:So therefore, that means if my friends are showing up for me, I make sure I show up for them so it's like I'm, I'm, yeah, our relationships are two-sided yes, so yeah, and I feel like too, um, I don't know like, I feel like if you can have good friends, like actual good friends, like you're lucky, right, I don't feel like a lot of people have, um, loyal friends too. Like you can have your friends but you don't know like their intentions or you know if they're being honest. And I feel like a lot of people have loyal friends too, like you can have your friends but you don't know like their intentions or you know if they're being honest. And I feel like if you find those friends like, hold on to those because those are the good ones to have.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, but also with holding on to them, I mean if they're good friends.
Speaker 3:yeah, Like you'll. You'll know, I feel like you'll know but I think also make sure you have friends you can do life with yeah because if they're only there when it looks good for you yeah, then they're not good friends because they're gonna be there to pick you up and, like you're going through a challenging time, they're gonna be, there for you if they're good friends, and if they're not, they're gonna disappear, because you know those aren't good friends.
Speaker 2:I don't know for you if they're good friends and if they're not, they're gonna disappear because you know those aren't good friends. When it was going great, they were there.
Speaker 3:But then when I was like I mean even like, like, if you were going through your divorce, like, did you have friends that were like hey, we're here for you, we? Know you're going through a tough time.
Speaker 2:I've had friends that were there and I've had friends that I completely stopped talking to them that time yeah it's just one lady like the idea of talking about this family brings me to tears because literally when I had no one, when I was going to church and like, and I was like, oh my god, I won't go to church because it's going to be so awkward, so weird, because I was going to a church of christ and they were like anti-divorce or whatever oh man, they put me went together with this cuckoo bird.
Speaker 2:Um, sorry lord, I'm not adding that up anyway. Um, there was like they were like looking at me, and then this lady, like to this day. She was like, hey, just come sit with us. And when I talked to her daughter I was like, hey, how's your mom doing?
Speaker 1:yeah, and I.
Speaker 2:The funny thing is I met her shout out to didi um, who's probably won't listen to this podcast, but I don't know why erin decided to bump his head anyway.
Speaker 1:But um, whenever I talk to her, I always ask her how her mom's doing and I, oh, I met her.
Speaker 2:So I was trying to say I met her, uh, didi, when she was in youth. I used to have a youth group when I was in Louisiana and I met Didi when she was like in middle school I think, and we just, you know, clicked similar personalities very, very bold. If you don't like us, we don't care, we're still us type of individuals.
Speaker 3:Weird On a weird type. Weird is fun. Yeah, weird is fun, weird is fun.
Speaker 2:Nobody actually. It has to be fun. And in the background, hey, he's cooking and it actually smells good.
Speaker 3:Dude, it really does. It does smell good. Yeah, he's cooking and it actually smells good it does smell good. Yeah, he opened that door and I'm like dang, that smells good, I'm inviting myself over for dinner.
Speaker 2:I could not, but she helped me and to this day I feel like I owe her the world. So I think for the mom, see, she did something for you, like you don't know what other people are going through, so she offered you that Something so small that could have been overlooked. I think for See, she did something for you like.
Speaker 3:You don't know what other people are going through right. So she offered you that something so small that could have been like overlooked and you're like dude that helped.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so, like, obviously, like I said, I check in with the mom every once in a while, but I make sure every so many months I call and check on Didi how are you? Just because I mean, honestly, she means the world to me. She helped you. Yeah, and also Didi side note, didi when I moved out of the house with my ex to my own apartment, her and some of her cousins and her sister actually came to my apartment. They were all like teenagers, by the way, I think some of them were still in high school. They came to my house. We bagged up all of my stuff and took it to my apartment.
Speaker 2:See, and I'm like that's cool, I am forever indebted to you yeah because at that point whether actually I don't think anyone really realized until something my mouth. But I was at the point where I was going down the suicidal train like I was not in a good place. If I didn't get out, it would not have been good. Why did that put you there? It was between the verbal abuse, the mental abuse, um, and I think he had the mindset of like don't tell anyone what happens in his house, it's in his house.
Speaker 3:So it was just how long were you in that marriage?
Speaker 2:well, this is a good question, so I think estimate, I think right, I think I was in the house for about three years, I think. I was technically married on paper for probably about five. Dude, that's a long time.
Speaker 3:What I'm saying is because you saying that reminded me of something that I had that I was listening to, and it was like, the more you're in that situation, for example, right, and you're submissive to whatever he's telling you, so you're just agreeing with whatever he says, but the more you allow that, the more he's going to do it so like your self-esteem is like way down here and his is like way up here. So there's no balance and so he's like pretty much you're his doormat like running you around, it's like man, because that's a thing too.
Speaker 3:And then, um, because I felt like I went through it to an extent right, and now I look back on it and I'm like dang, my self-esteem was like on the floor under my foot.
Speaker 2:How are we? How are you new? I'm married.
Speaker 3:How old was, I was young. How old, uh 19?
Speaker 2:so I was 21, but he was 30 so you were still young?
Speaker 3:yeah, you were young.
Speaker 2:In that age gap he knew what he was and then he was and then I was, obviously when I am american, but it was, it was, that was a lot. And like my family now would be like I try to talk to you but she didn't want to talk to me, and then the very turn, figure out you know, like why you were getting married.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and at that point I was so in like. I just thought that the church, the church was like um, leading me in the right direction, and I trusted the individuals that were like, trying to put us together. It wasn't good.
Speaker 1:By the first.
Speaker 2:I literally could have got a divorce probably within, like, honestly, six months Really for real, but six months really for a bit. Honestly, by the first year, by the first year I realized that he was like on skype isn't gonna work with other females in jamaica, golly, but I was also 22 and everyone that I would confide in was like, oh, it's okay, or oh, you know, oh because you're still gonna try to make it work.
Speaker 2:You're trying to make this work I didn't want to make it work. Yeah, I should have my stop. What I was doing was people pleasing and everyone over here was telling me no, have you tried this? But anyway, that is the reason why I had to get in therapy.
Speaker 3:I'm telling you if I wouldn't get in therapy, you wouldn't have been ready for him, for Aaron what do you need and you know what. I could see Aaron being a good hype person because even at the gym. He's like come on, let's go. Like he hypes you up, yeah, and I could see him being a good hype person to her, like, if you're, hey, I have what, whatever plan you have, he's like, yeah, go for it, you know I can see him being that person for you definitely is
Speaker 2:he reminds me all the time that don't you have homework things to do?
Speaker 1:and I'm like shut up, I do actually I did not want to do it right now. Since you bought it up, I will, or even to me.
Speaker 2:We left the concert we went to last night and I was like still wanting my burger and fries and I was like, hey, if you stop by bubba's, they have like ten dollar fries or nine dollars or fries or something. He's like I'm not turning around. He's like you don't need a burger. He's like you remember your goal. Like I told him, it's not. It's not something he's putting on me, but my goal is for me to be looking cute in a mustard yellow bikini yes, this summer, he reminded you.
Speaker 3:Yes, yellow bikini. He's like, yeah, are you trying to get?
Speaker 2:snatched for something. So we ended up going to market street and got like um, a meatloaf, and then like a green chili yeah, because he even gives you ideas, right?
Speaker 3:he's like yeah, yeah sometimes, but so we ate that which I was fine with.
Speaker 2:But then this morning we got burgers and fries and both of us were like, oh my god, I feel sick that's why we skipped breakfast, so it was like technically breakfast and lunch calories but we were sick afterwards that's cool, but yeah, no, it is great to be. I think before they were talking about like with my first marriage, like being equally yoked and what that meant.
Speaker 3:I think this is actually an example of being equally yoked that's cool, that's neat and yeah, so I feel like too, um, I was young, but so hector harvey's dad was also young, like I feel like we were both young, you know, and so whatever mistakes were, like we were young you know like especially young together, yeah, and like their dad was like I feel men mature, take so much longer to mature.
Speaker 3:Dude, he wasn't even 30. He was like 20, you know, like, and so I feel like a lot of that had to do with him being young and like I could sit here and be like man if you. I wish I knew how he would be now. It could make a difference. It could not.
Speaker 3:Who knows, I'll never, know I could sit there and ruminate on it, or I could just be like you know what it is, what it is, yeah oh, you know um, but I feel like that had a lot to do with it because we were both. We were young, bro. Yeah, I was homeboy, I was 30 and he just, and I feel like now I'm what? 36, 36, so I'm 34 yeah, we're like. I feel like we're older and we're mature so you think about stuff more.
Speaker 3:Yeah, right, I feel like I think about stuff more, which I think is why I'm hesitant to for a lot of things, yeah, which can also get in the way, maybe.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, I feel like sometimes I feel like we have a especially for myself. Myself I can speak on, I have a tendency to overthink things Same, and some things are just not that complicated.
Speaker 1:I overthink everything.
Speaker 2:I think with, I think, overthinking I feel like it most times. I don't really overthinking, I just feel like most times is not a good thing. It's not. You miss opportunities and then you play a situation in your head that are probably not going to happen. Nope, and actually that's the whole podcast.
Speaker 2:But you see, aaron ask him about the situation with the dog and me overthinking that's a whole another thing. I'll have to tell you when we end this. But that was my first fight thinking I won't, that's a whole nother, that's a whole nother thing. Like I'll have to. I'll have him tell you when we end this. But yeah, we, that was my first fight, was me?
Speaker 2:overthinking by the gym matter of fact, because usually when I'm over at the gym, sometimes like during I don't know what street that is that way. But so I've seen like loose dogs right and we were walking and he wanted to go down that street and I was like no, because there's loose dogs there sometimes he's like what are we over there all this time?
Speaker 1:I?
Speaker 2:don't ever see any loose dogs and I was like but there's loose dogs, you're all not going over. No, and I don't know why. Like I like uh, my friend's dogs are one thing, stranger's dogs I freak out like I don't like it, especially when you're on the leash and you're wild. I think you're going to attack me automatically. I've not been attacked by a dog, that's what I think. I don't know why it is what it is. I could tell you I'm working on a best of lies, so I'm not Just. I don't deal with dogs. Just Skip him away from me. And we were walking and he said roof, and I said you mother.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I tell you he went one way, I went another way. That was the first fight we had. Oh, wow 20 minutes in the parking lot talking about why, and my overthinking and all that. Yeah, I'm telling you.
Speaker 2:if you see him, I care about it, he would laugh and tell you he's going to laugh and everything, laugh and tell you he's gonna laugh and everything. Um, but yeah, okay, that is funny. Well, I have two questions for you, and you kind of touched on the first one, but you can just circle back around to it. What do you stand for?
Speaker 2:oh, what I stand for like my firm belief yeah, you said something about oh circle, something about your friends having a good circle of friends, or something oh, like the circle of friends rooting for your friends.
Speaker 3:Like rooting for your friends as far as like not uh raining on their parade.
Speaker 3:Yeah right, not raining on their parade so like, for example, seeing someone um successful or someone succeed, what steps did they take, like, instead of raining on their parade? Well, they did this because they, you know in a minute, in a negative way. If you want to be successful, like they are, what steps did they take? Take the same steps, you know, like, I feel like we all have opportunities. How to say you all have 24 hours within your day. You just you either put in the work or you don't. Um, that's a good one, um, there was another one the choices. Like, every choice has a consequence, whatever choice you make. That, whether it be a good choice or a bad choice, I barely posted this other day, like it's um a health choice, you make your health choices right. So, like, if you're unhealthy, like, you made that choice, you're not gonna feel good right and then um it goes.
Speaker 3:Financial choices like what do you stand for there? Like are you, what are you?
Speaker 1:working. Are you employed?
Speaker 3:are you going to school, like you, you know. Like you're going to school, you're putting in the work, you're expecting it. Like this other outcome um, relationship, same thing. You get to pick your spouse. So, whether you picked, you know, like how you were saying in your previous divorce that you, you know, maybe it was an age thing, but now, like you have Aaron, who's like your hype person and you know it's going well. He's still older than me, though by four years, and then you have your circle of friends, right, like who's gonna, who's actually your friend, like that you can, I feel like, too, like a friend that you can go to With a problem. Are they going to help you solve it, or are they going to criticize you For it or judge it, or like give you Options. I know I have, like Justin's, a good one that I'm like. I feel like he's so wise. Same thing.
Speaker 2:Like I over, like it's not this, it's yeah, like you're a baby, yeah, all right, then my second this is my last question can you encourage the listeners that are listening to this podcast with whatever you have on your heart?
Speaker 3:um, yeah, I can encourage them with like, um, I feel like everybody is stronger than what they know. So, like, when you're faced with something, you can overcome it, even though you think that it's the end of the world and you're not going to be able to overcome it. Dude, you'll overcome it Like you don't have. There's no other way around it. Like, I mean, you can fall into other things like depressions, addictions and all that, or you can be strong enough to overcome it, and I feel like everybody's stronger than what we really know. It's all in our head, it's all in your head, it's like a. I feel like a lot of stuff happens in our head and that's the hardest part to control.
Speaker 2:Sir, I posted this the other day because I saw this on internet and it blew my mind. Do you know what depression also spells out? No, I press on I press mic drop, which don't get me wrong.
Speaker 3:There's some, there's some situations where you take a second and you know grieve and feel, but also remember depression spells out dude, and I feel like you linger in that moment, because I know, like I'm not saying it's not like you can have your moments and I will dude, I will have my moment. I will you know whether it be like in you have your moments and I will dude, I will have my moment. I will you know whether it be like in your. You have to go to your room and cry or whatever, but you don't sit there and dwell on it.
Speaker 3:Right, like you have your moment and then you move on and go on through your day and then in life and everything but again, you can either choose to stay down in your pity party or choose to move on that's or choose to move on.
Speaker 2:That's it right there. Well, thank you for coming on and being my first uh guest for life mottos. I do have a question for you. As I said, I was done with my last question, but anyway, if the listeners want to find you, if they're interested in joining the gym, if they want help with the meal planning and all that sweet loving stuff that you do, how do they contact you?
Speaker 3:dang. No, I was like, now I have more to add to that, I was like I have a gym yeah, so then I have hms fitness, which is um like instagram, facebook. We're on that. I do meal planning. I just thought of that. I was like I do help people with meal planning through HMS Fitness or my page, and I actually just made another page. I labeled it as eats, because you can actually like food right, like I feel, like food is fuel right.
Speaker 3:Like you can feel good when you eat the right foods and I'm like you can like be creative with it. You don't have to like be on a diet and hate your life like force yourself to eat certain things you don't want to Like food is actually good, you know Like. So that's one. And then I have HMS events, because I'll book the gym for parties on Saturdays or Sundays. That's another one and that's a whole different page.
Speaker 2:So I guess HMS anything, um, that's another one, and that's a whole different page.
Speaker 1:So I guess, hms anything I will have to on the bottom of this in the description box I'll make sure all of her pages or the description of what it is.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's underneath. That way, if you're interested in um whether it be her helping you get your body in shape by the gym, or her um assisting you with meal planning, or you booking her gym to host your next- baby shower or party. She got you. She's on a one-stop shop. What do you need?
Speaker 3:I got you and I feel like and you know what, though? Like now that I think about it, because, uh, barely yesterday, I'm either like messaging with someone that's booking or is going to book, or my kids are bothering me, or like something's always going on and I feel like man, half of the time, my mind's everywhere, right, and my phone's like on 10% a lot of the time because I'm always on it, but it's all, it's for a reason, like it's for you know, it's either the gym or the parties or my kids, or like something's always going on parties or my kids, or like something's always going on, um, but it's. I feel like if I didn't have that busy life, dude, I don't know what I would do. I think I'd go crazy.
Speaker 2:You know, I used to say that my life has slowed down and I'm practically fine with it yeah, maybe I need a. I find, myself taking more naps. I'm more intentional because I have more time. I'm not always busy and moving.
Speaker 3:That's true. That's a whole other conversation, dude. That's true. Yeah, yeah, that's true.
Speaker 2:Now when I'm talking to you, this sounds really bad, though, but now it's so true. Now, when I'm talking to you, I'm actually listening, because I don't have 12 things playing in my head of what you're right yeah I have nothing to worry about you know.
Speaker 3:Okay, so you know what I do now. Um, I just put my phone on, do not disturb. Like I'll take care of. Like, if I need to answer messages, take care of it. All right, I don't want to be bothered at this time. Do not disturb silence. I'm really bad about answering my phone. I do not like like calls, I won't answer them. I'm like if it's important, they'll send me a message. I can reply to it and I have it like on my notes, like stuff about the gym that I need to reply, like um, where I can just copy and paste, for example, like any information I have for the gym, to where it makes my life easier that way, to where I'm not like having to be on the phone for 30 minutes and repeating the same thing over and over you know, no, but um, yeah, I know you're right.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I mean what is?
Speaker 2:seasons of life. I'm at a different season. Yeah, right now it's literally um, my relationship with god, my marriage and school, and then family and friends. Yeah, and then the community, or for a second, their community was number one. Yeah, so just different seasons, different strokes for different folks. But anyway, thank you guys for listening to yet another episode of Standing your Tooth Podcast with Yanni. You can find me on all platforms. I will make sure that's listed. I'm in the description box, but I remind you guys just to um, encourage your neighbor, be kind. Like we said it earlier, you never know what the person next to you is going through. Just keep that in mind and peace out. Oh and, by the way, if no one's told you today, you are loved, you are beautiful, you are one of a kind the world needs, exactly who God has called you to be, and remember that there's only one you in this world. So then, that is your superpower.
Speaker 1:Okay, bye. Thank you for listening to another episode of Standing in your Truth with Yanni. And if no one told you today, you are loved, you are beautiful, you are needed and you matter, be sure to follow on Facebook at Standing In your Truth Podcast with Yanni. Also on Instagram Talks With Yanni.
