Standing in Your Truth With Yanni
The podcast "Standing in Your Truth" will feature Yanni and a group of friends engaging in profound and intimate discussions on subjects such as mental health, finances, faith, and strategies for finding motivation during difficult periods. In this space, guests will be invited to share their life journeys, including the challenges they've faced and the obstacles they've overcome. This podcast aims to provide a platform for individuals to share their stories, ensuring that everyone's experiences are acknowledged, valued, and celebrated.
Standing in Your Truth With Yanni
Don't Complain About What You Won't Change: A Conversation on Personal Growth
Andy Gutierrez drops wisdom bombs about personal accountability and growth in this transformative episode. A business owner, pastor, and ultra-marathon runner (yes, he's completed 100-mile races!), Andy shares his powerful life philosophy: "Don't complain about something you aren't willing to fix."
Throughout our conversation, Andy unpacks how this principle applies to every area of life. From fitness goals to marriage relationships, career advancement to mental health—countless people remain stuck in cycles of complaint without taking meaningful action. Andy vulnerably shares his own journey through procrastination and fear, revealing how he finally broke through self-imposed limitations by asking "Why not me?" instead of "I can't."
The discussion takes a particularly poignant turn when addressing marriage. Andy's refreshingly blunt advice about prioritizing your spouse ("forget them kids!") comes from hard-earned wisdom after 17 years of marriage. With divorce rates approaching 60%—with most happening after children leave home—his insights on maintaining connection through intentional dating are both practical and urgent.
Time management emerges as another crucial theme. Andy challenges the common "I don't have time" excuse, noting how we effortlessly make time for what we truly value. His practice of conducting monthly "time audits" offers a practical way to ensure our schedules align with our stated priorities.
Whether you're struggling with procrastination, feeling stuck in a relationship rut, or simply wanting more from life, Andy's straightforward advice will inspire you to stop making excuses and start taking action. Life is too short to wait—someone is always watching, and your time to start is now.
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Standing In Your Truth Podcast with Yanni Thomas
Hello everyone, welcome to Standing In your Truth podcast with your host, yanni. On this podcast you'll hear Yanni, family and friends having open-ended discussions on anything from faith, finances, relationships and how to stay motivated during life's trying times. Make sure to follow on all social media platforms. The social media link is in the bio. Sit back and get ready to enjoy.
Speaker 2:Hello everyone, Welcome to another episode of Standing in your Truth podcast. I am your host, Yanni. How are you guys doing? Hopefully you're enjoying this warm weather that the Lord has allowed us to have. I'm not quite sure if I like the heat or if I don't, but I also don't. I know that I do not like the freezing, so I should enjoy the heat. But we're back with another episode of Life Models, so I'm going to allow my guest to introduce himself.
Speaker 3:Hey, so my name is Andy Gutierrez. Like how, Rob Marr is there. Yeah, I was like okay, that's pretty good right.
Speaker 2:That was real official right there.
Speaker 3:Yeah, they did that on purpose. Yeah, okay, I don't normally do that, so yeah, so I am a yeah, I'm a business owner.
Speaker 2:What business do you own, though?
Speaker 3:I own West City Resources. We do residential and commercial remodels and new construction, all that fun stuff. So anything from the dirt to turn Kiwi oh shoot, we'll do it. That's pretty cool, so it's a good time.
Speaker 2:I don't think I'd do that.
Speaker 3:We've been on paper for five years. Oh wow, we were doing it long before that, just illegally, if I can be honest. Why me? You know it's done at the table just getting paid cash, cash jobs. It was a better time at that time because you didn't have Uncle Sam trying to take all your money, but it's been good.
Speaker 3:It's been good. Yeah, I'm on staff at I'm trying to take all your money, but it's been good. It's been good. Yeah, I'm on staff at Hope Alive Church as a, as a kids pastor, mm-hmm and a Serve 120 director, and I love it. I absolutely love it. I get to play drums every now and again with the worship team. And it's a good time.
Speaker 2:All right. So we're going to get started with some just kind of like get to know your questions and, before we dive into um, what one of your life models is so? What motivates you? Oh?
Speaker 3:winning. You know, um and I don't mean that like literally, I've actually never won a race before. So I just mean in life, like just trying to be better every day. Race myself in every aspect. So you know in business better than last year as a husband, you know better than last year Better than yesterday, as a dad, better than yesterday.
Speaker 2:And so just try to win every day I just realized you failed to mention that you're I don't even know what you call it like how you like to run- I am a runner yes, and how many like miles have you run at one time? What's the longest?
Speaker 3:longest I've done. Yes, 100 miles. I don't understand. 28 hours. It was a good time. We started on a Friday at 5 5 pm and then I finished around I don't know 8, 30, 9-ish the next day well, I think it was a good time.
Speaker 2:You know, pm, I guess it's beauty's in my eye. I have to behold it.
Speaker 3:I've never thought it's a hard one for a lot of people to understand. It's one of those things where you have to do it and experience the culture. It's not running that people fall in love with, it's the culture, it's the people, it's the atmosphere when you show up to a race, because when you go to a trail race, an ultra race like that, everybody's just's just so, they're so nice, like, everybody wants you to win, they want you to succeed, even on the course. You know they see you like on the side of the trail or something, and a lot of things happen in a hundred miles. So literally everything from throwing up to whatever you've got a shoe off, you know trying to to, you know peel something off the bottom of your foot, like it's. These are real problems out there.
Speaker 3:So, but people will literally stop and they will tape your feet. Strangers, you know they will help you tape your feet. Whatever you got to do. They'll offer you food or whatever it is that they're carrying on them. They just want to see you win. They want to see you succeed. They want to see you win. They want to see you succeed. They want to see you finish.
Speaker 2:That's sweet because I mean there's not a lot of environments that have that culture and that vibe and that family and we're in it together type of mentality. So that's nice yeah. My next question is how do you protect your mental health?
Speaker 3:Running.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I figured.
Speaker 3:When you're talking about about, I was like it's probably going to be his answer. I do therapy too, that's pretty recent, within the last probably four or five months, that's really been a game changer. It's helped a lot.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm out of the head for therapy, I think everyone needs at least two years.
Speaker 3:It's great, it really is great. It's helped really for me to recognize a lot of the problems that I that have stemmed from, you know, when I was young and I just didn't, because some of the issues that I had, you know, I had bad anger problems and and a lot of that just stemmed from. You know what I mean never put them together, never, never really thought it's from this, but it's weird how, once you have an explanation, you, you can start to move through it. You know, you can start to work through it. So, therapy, yes, 100 that and running it, uh therapy changed my life.
Speaker 2:I don't know about running, but um what's another part of your self-care routine outside of running? What else do you do um you know?
Speaker 3:outside of running. What else do you do, you know, outside of running?
Speaker 2:And I guess therapy.
Speaker 3:Therapy. I'm a homebody Really, and so I don't like going to. I don't do birthday parties, I don't like.
Speaker 2:You know, I feel real special then, because you came to my wedding.
Speaker 3:I did come to your wedding.
Speaker 2:And you brought your family, so I feel real special, even though you didn't let me marry you.
Speaker 3:It's okay, I'm not going to bring that up. Hey, I feel like you know I couldn't, I couldn't.
Speaker 2:She went through all of our sessions with us. Yeah, I get it. Yeah.
Speaker 3:Honestly, yeah, I'm a homebody I enjoy, my piece is in my home with my wife and so spinning or you know, we burn it from both ends during the week, Monday through Friday, between work, the business school. The girls were both in school. So what are you in school for? I'm in school at Christ for the nations.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 3:Getting my bachelor's in theology and whatnot. Okay, she's actually going to graduate in May as a paralegal. Oh, wow so. I'm going to quit working. I think Just let her take care of me. I'm just kidding, but we're both excited. I know she's tired of being in school and she's ready to be done and I actually graduate this year too. I'm not 100% sure. I want to say like June. Okay.
Speaker 3:May, june, I don't know, somewhere around there. I'll finish too, so y'all come around the same time, around the same time. We'll both be done, but so like we go, you know, all out during the week. Yeah.
Speaker 3:Because Saturdays are, saturdays are for. I always say they're for family and fitness. I run early in the morning. I usually get home as they're waking up, before they wake up, and then, yeah, it's shower, change, climb in bed, and it's movies or shows or whatever it is we're watching. We watched all the Marvel movies in order, just you know what I mean Like over weekends, over Saturdays, and then Sundays after church. So that's, yeah, that alone time and that, just that's where the peace is at.
Speaker 2:It matters how long have you guys been married? 17 years Jeez that's long, whew, yeah, that's a minute it is.
Speaker 3:It's been a good time Yay.
Speaker 2:End of all good time yay. I'm trying to get there. We're on like four months, but you know yeah soon. Sooner rather than later, I feel like we'll be at 17 years. Yeah, what advice would you give your younger self?
Speaker 3:start, start, start. Now there's only, you know, there's things that applies to and plenty that it doesn't. Yeah, don't start having kids now. You know, when I'm 15, you know, use your wisdom whatever you're talking about, start, but you know yeah. I hesitated on a lot of things. Uh, a lot of starting a business. I should have started that long time ago. I felt like I was unqualified and I wouldn't have the clientele and I wouldn't be able to support my family Just really a whole lot of excuses Fear.
Speaker 3:Luckily, I have some strong leadership in my life and they pushed and pushed until I finally jumped and I wish I had started running sooner. I really wish I did that in high school and whatnot running sooner. You know, I really wish I did that in high school and whatnot like started when I was what in 2020? So that would have been 30 everyone. Covid 32 yeah, I logged my first run.
Speaker 3:I still have it saved in my phone. I like my first run in I think it was July of 2019, which was a garbage run. I keep it to look back at to see like how far you've come. Yeah, when I need some self motivation how fast can? You run a mile. I think the fastest I've ever done was just nothing to brag about. I've done a six, 45 before.
Speaker 3:Okay, I was like but I know guys that can like can do one mile in. You know they're pushing like the low fives. They're in the fours, it's wild.
Speaker 2:Are they like running running? Yeah, they run, I do a jog walk yeah, so they're fast, they're crazy fast what is your mindset when you you told no or the door shuts?
Speaker 3:you know, sometimes I have to reevaluate why that no happened.
Speaker 3:When I was younger, I used to get angry like, no, I'm going to make it happen. You know what I mean. But no's have a lot of factors, so sometimes God is the no. God put that person in place to shut that down. And even though we can't see sometimes, or it may not look like anything's happening, you know, I believe wholeheartedly that God is working when we can't see it, so when we don't realize it, you know what I mean there's doors that have been shut that we never knew about, and so when those happen, I have to sit back. That doesn't mean I'm happy about it in the moment, don't get me wrong, but I still will sit back now as an adult and look at the whole picture you know, why was that a no?
Speaker 3:am I not ready? You know there's there's a whole lot of potential good reasons, even if you don't want to see them right away you know, so I just kind of sit back, think about about it, regroup and go from there and go from there.
Speaker 2:I love that. Actually, in that question you can tell the different, like the maturity and the mindset of the individual when you ask it, because some people are always like I'm told no, I'm going to find another way.
Speaker 3:Yeah, sometimes it's a no-go. Yeah, and that's okay. Yeah, that's true, because I've had plenty of opportunities. I don't want to call them opportunities.
Speaker 2:I've had plenty of situations where looking back that no, led to something great the no was a blessing.
Speaker 3:The no was a blessing. And that no may have hurt Like you know my wife and I lost our first kid, and so had he been, he'd been 15 now. So had he been born, you know had, had we raised them up to this point, I wouldn't have my, my daughter, you know my 14 year old daughter, I wouldn't have my, you know my, my, my younger daughter, you know what I mean. Who's?
Speaker 1:a firecracker.
Speaker 3:You know anybody who's ever met her. I can't imagine life any different than what it is now, as bad as that situation Even hurts to this day. So sometimes the no has an upside, even when you can't see it right away.
Speaker 2:That is true. Well, we're going to get into what is Pastor Andy's, or, say, one of your, life model. What do you have for us?
Speaker 3:One of my life models, life lessons, is and this is really stem from, you know, just impatience in myself, and it really started from me, but it is, don't complain about something that you are not willing to fix, you're not willing to work at.
Speaker 2:So what does that mean?
Speaker 3:We have a. It can mean it can apply to a lot of things, right, if you are, if you're married and your marriage is garbage and you know it, um, and all you do is go to work and you know you complain to the girls or the, you know husbands complain to the guys at work about how you know this and that my wife does this or my husband's doing that. He's not doing anything to help out around the house. He don't fix nothing, she don't cook or whatever the complaints are. If you're not communicating that at home, you don't have to do it in an ugly way. But if you're not having those conversations, then shut up Like you're not. You literally aren't. You're not bringing anything to the table when you come home. There's no conversation that helps remedy that situation. All you're doing is whining about it outside of it while your marriage is rotting away.
Speaker 3:In the fitness world, you know've, you've got, you know overweight, or you know what I mean. There's people who just don't have the muscle mass that they want. You know what I mean. Or, yeah, they're carrying too much weight, uh, but are doing nothing about it. I go to the gym every day, but then you leave the gym and you go and you eat, you know. You go tear up two oppers, you know, and let me get all the fries you can give me. You know what I mean.
Speaker 2:Like I feel so convicted. That was me on me actually. I'm calling him out because he knows, but me and aaron and we both felt so sick afterwards and then went to go work out. Yeah, it's uh it, it.
Speaker 3:You know you undo the, the work that you just put in. Yeah, you know. So all the calories you just burned, you just replace them with bad calories.
Speaker 3:You know at that there's nothing good about it. No, we felt terrible. Some folks just don't eat enough, they don't work out at all and yet still have the audacity to complain about their. You know what I mean the way that they look or how they're unhappy. You know what I mean With their, with their appearance, with themselves. You know these are. I don't want to sound insensitive, but listen, this is on you Like I can't change that for you. You know as much as I. I love to encourage people. I love to push people in the gym when we're running. I love it. It's, it's comes natural and I feel good pushing people and I love being pushed yeah Right, especially running or in the gym, like I love it. So when I I want to encourage folks, you know what I mean be healthy eat better, drink your water, you know these type of things which is so simple.
Speaker 3:It is simple, right, but you've got to be careful because it'll come off as actually not coming off. It is, at times, unsolicited advice. Yeah, they didn't ask you, yeah, you know, and so that's something I have to deal with, because my mouth will automatically go. And then I'm backtracking and I'm like, hey, shut up, they didn't ask you. And so I'm having to tell myself you know what I mean. Like, be quiet. You know what I mean. They didn't want your opinion, they didn't ask for it. But when people do believe me, I'm going in Like I just I want to, and I'm not rude about it, but I think that if you're not willing to put the work in, then don't complain about it.
Speaker 3:You know, if you're willing to be content with where you are, you know great, you know like, but be happy in it. You know what I mean. If you're not, then let's get to work. You know make a change. You know you're going to school. You know you didn't need to go to school. You know you graduated high school. You know what I mean. You got a great job. You didn't need to go to school, but you wanted to better yourself. You had a thought at some point where you were like you know what. I want more out of this field. I want to be smarter. I want to be more confident. You know what I mean when I respond to things, and I want to have more opportunities to go and speak and be kind in these places and do these things. So you did something about it. I believe that a lot of times that it doesn't happen because of fear. I think that people won't. They won't jump.
Speaker 2:I'm going to be honest, that was mine, because I was thinking about school and I was like no man, like how am I going to pay for it? What does that look like, schedule wise? And I was like you know what? At that point I was an admin at a job and I was like I am much more than an admin, Like I have ideas, I'm a mover and a shaker. I'm more than you know grabbing someone's coffee, which is nothing wrong with that, but that's just I wanted more for myself, sure.
Speaker 2:So I got enrolled in school. Um, during this, uh, summer of last year, classes were amazing. Well, um, odessa College has this program which is their positively OC presidential scholarship. They paid for two years of school. Well, me volunteering I happen to meet my friend who's over the program, which is how I found out about it so, as I do an interview process and to get in. But I got in and one of their main things was volunteering, by the way, which is excellent for me.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it was getting in. Like I said, they paid for two years of school free. I think you have to pay maybe $200 every semester, but that's it. So it was like me taking that step and enrolling in those summer courses which were also paid for, which I was prepared to have to pay for myself, between Aaron and I. But this was paid for. And then I stepped right into positivity, oc and school being paid for. And then, shortly after that, I got a new job and things are looking up. But it took that, I guess you can say, step of faith to go ahead and, okay, I want more, let's just do it.
Speaker 3:Yeah, you got to too. Yeah, you got to go for it. And life has been great you know people cover and I say people, I really mean me. You know I did the same thing. I did the same thing in business. I made excuses for years about going back to school. You know I don't have time. You know I'm working too much. You know the truth is like you have time. You just don't want to commit that time. You'd rather sleep, or? You know what I mean like, like that's me.
Speaker 3:Join the 5 am club. You know what I mean.
Speaker 3:Get in the 4 am club you know yeah you're sleeping away the time that you're claiming that you don't got. Yeah, and even at that, even if you slept until seven, you went to work at eight. People still have time when they get out of work, right, they just are doing other things. They don't If you. And the thing is is that if you carve out, you know you can carve out time for anything. People do it all the time. Parents do it all the time their kids got, you know, rehearsal or soccer practice or football or whatever. You know what I mean. That's not negotiable. They carve out time for that. They will tell their job. Negotiable. They carve out time for that. They will tell their job. No, no, no, I'm not coming in on Saturday. My kid has these games. You know what I mean and I get that. You know what I mean. Like go support your kids. You're supposed to do that, but you know what I mean.
Speaker 3:That season ends, football season ends, the kids get older and then, all of a sudden, you don't have time. No more, you had time. You know what I mean. Like that time didn't go nowhere. You're just choosing to spend it in a different way and then complaining that you don't have the time to do. You know what I mean the things that you want to do. You know I made the time excuse for I'm not joking like a solid 10 years. I just you know I don't have time and I can't go, and you know just, it was a bunch of crap. Finally, when I decided you know what I'm going to go for it, it was cheap enough to where I figured. You know I don't like to fail, but if for some reason I failed, you know it wouldn't hurt too bad.
Speaker 3:So I thought I'm going to go for it, for and you can go semester at a time, you know so, or a term at a time, you know what I'm saying. So I thought I'll try. You know a term. I called an advisor and talked to them and said you know like what's recommended as far as how many classes and all that good stuff? She said you know you do four classes. It'll roughly take you maybe six hours a week or something, she lied. So it's more like 10 to 12, depending on like what classes you're taking.
Speaker 3:They're in the beginning doing like Old Testament and New Testament survey and like some of these deeper you know classes. You got four hours of lecture to watch every week, you know, and then that's just one class, and then you know what I mean. Then you've got three others that all have lectures, so just a lecture time alone. You're looking at seven hours. You know eight hours a week. Then you got to actually go through do the discussion work and you know whatever else, read, lots of reading, tons of reading, and so realistically it's about 12 hours minimum weekly and so but I, I did it and you know I made it work and um, I made it work within the monday through friday, you know, realm, and, and before I knew it, like second, second one was here, you know what I mean.
Speaker 3:And I started the second term and and just kept going and thought I'm going to keep going until I don't have time. And then, you know, you get so committed and you're like well, I can't stop now.
Speaker 2:It's a part of you know, this is my routine.
Speaker 3:I got to go until we're done, so you know, you just keep, you, just keep pushing until until you're finished. And finish line's almost here, I can see it. And now it's crazy how it changes your mentality. Because I went from I don't have time. You know what I mean? I can't do that. That ain't for me To well, I did 12 hours a week. I wonder if I could, maybe I could be like a licensed therapist. How many hours a week is that?
Speaker 2:I think you'll be really good at that, by the way.
Speaker 3:I would love to do that. You know what I mean counseling some kind anything. You know what.
Speaker 2:I mean like you know.
Speaker 3:But now I even thought, like, when I was, you know, closer to high school age, I thought about you know electrical engineering or mechanical engineering? So I even thought about that, like, and I looked into it. You know electrical engineering or mechanical engineering? So I even thought about that, like, and I looked into it. You know how many, how many course hours we talking? You know what I mean. Like, how long online, realistically, are we talking? You know, four to six years. Here's the deal. If I don't die, four to six years are going to pass anyway. I might as well be doing something at that time. So, and in my mind, if I'm going for, for therapy, it's probably longer than that.
Speaker 2:So I have no idea. I do know that. Etpb does have a program, by the way they'll pay for it.
Speaker 3:Yeah see see you know, now my mind's thinking well, I did 12, like the, the ceiling's off, yeah, it ain't there no more. Sky's the limit. How far do we want to take this thing? Or I can go, I can cause you can only go up to a bachelor's at at CFNI, so but you, there's, there's, they have certain colleges that you can transfer you know to from there and you can continue on and I can go to my master's or maybe a, maybe a doctorate. It's a whole like why not me? Situation. That whole unqualified, can't do it, mentality in my mind is gone, like why not me?
Speaker 3:Why can't I have a doctorate? Why can't I run a 200 mile race or 250 mile race, 300. Why not me, why not you? That's what I ask people all the time. Why not you? Yeah, why can't you win?
Speaker 2:I had that mindset recently. I had um. I went to a conference with um. I shouldn't say conference, whatever it was but anyway well, that's the college and one.
Speaker 2:I was talking to one of the advisors and the only reason why I know about utpb having the program for therapists is because she mentioned it to me and she was like I know you're doing business, but have you ever thought about this? And I feel like you'll be a really good therapist? And I was like what? So I went home, obviously, and I was like, hey, Erin, is there something that she thinks I'll be a good therapist? And she was like I think you could do it. She was like you're doing it right now, whether you realize it or not, and I was like, oh, you might as well get paid for it, I mean.
Speaker 2:Yeah, Technically I am a certified life coach, just not taking any patients currently.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 3:But, I thought about, you know, same thing. I was talking to Pastor Martha and she brought up, you know, life coach and there was something else that she brought up too. But you know what I mean just kind of like steps into seeing if this is really what you want, what I want to do. You know I mean the, you know smaller steps that are more. You know they're I don't want to say easier, not easier, but you know, more manageable. You know what I mean to kind of, I guess, test out whether that's a right fit for me. I, I, I love it. You know I'm a conversationalist, I love open conversations. That's what drove me to go to school. You know I wanted to. I enjoy being the dumbest one at the table.
Speaker 3:I love learning off of people. Oh okay, and so like. I don't mean to end it there. I was like. I was like I do. I like asking questions, you know, and I don't mind admitting that I don't know, you know. And so biblical questions, theology questions, like I'm in for that conversation, let's go, but I didn't want to be the dumbest one at the table with that, you know, like I want to have something to say Wait, hold on, let me do my homework.
Speaker 3:You know, I started just studying on my own and then I thought they got schools for this, why not? You know. That's kind of where the idea started.
Speaker 2:I will tell you this. I still remember I think I was actually sitting we're in the church conference room, by the way but I remember sitting in that chair and I think I was talking about Aaron and I and you're like, when y'all getting married, why are you guys not married? And I was like what? And it kind of caught me off guard, but not really because I'm like well, I mean, I think at that point we were probably living together and I was like, yeah, we probably like I see where you're coming from, but it was your direct, straightforward with love, by the way, like I knew it was above, and I was like, well, and I think you mentioned like a couple more times, but I was so happy and so proud to be able to tell you like, hey, I got engaged and, hey, you're coming to the wedding Not saying that you made it happen, but you made sure that it was always in the front of our minds Like, hey, what are we doing? What is the end game here?
Speaker 3:Yeah, you know, we just had a conversation about that same scenario this past weekend. It's wild and I'm not saying that either one of you thought this, but it really makes me think. I'm going to go live later today and talk about the marriage conference that's coming up this weekend, Because, as men, we have a problem with like a lot of men have a problem with therapy and you know, anything along them lines, right, Including a marriage conference or anything that would anything along them lines.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Just a lot of guys are just kind of shut off to it. They're like I don't need that, that in any type of scenario, not just marriage right, marriage counseling, personal whatever. I think that people don't realize what they're saying with their no right. So if I say we don't need that, my marriage is good, I believe there's something deeper than that. I believe that maybe you don't think that your marriage is worth. You know the investment worth the time. Your body isn't worth the time.
Speaker 3:The investment that you you know what I mean pay in a gym or you know whatever that may be, your mental health, paying a therapist it's not worth the time. It's not worth the money. You know I got it, I can figure it out. How has that been going for you, you know. And so anyway, I think that I, you know, I always look back at at the leadership that's been in my life. Right, and they've always been straight shooters. Pastor Cliff has a great way of telling me when I'm wrong without just straight punching me in the face. It comes off with love, but it's direct and I think that we need people like that in our lives to be able to say I remember that conversation, to be able to turn to him and say, hey, when are you going to quit living in sin and get married?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think that's actually how that went. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3:I say that a lot. You know it's, truth be told. I think that's what it comes down to. Is that person you know worth it enough to you to put a ring? On it, If not what are you doing it? Enough to?
Speaker 4:you to put a ring on it? If not, what are you doing?
Speaker 3:yeah, and so if that's not, you know, we're adults, we're grown, we in high school, no more, and so we're. We can't play the game that I will. You know, I'm just. I'm just, we're just talking. There's so many steps involved. You know, we're just talking, we're dating. I was living together. You know what I mean. Like we're just talking, we're dating, we're just living together. You know what I mean. Like we're just having sex. Like you know what I mean. All these things, seven steps before you actually you know, oh we're engaged yeah.
Speaker 3:You know you got to do all these things before you get to the we're engaged part. You know, biblically speaking, I don't know what reading, but none of that's in there like that. It's just not there. Uh, so it's, I think that worth worth. The word worth is what came to me for that for later, but I think that I really think that's what it is.
Speaker 3:I think that people, just because here's the deal, you'll carve out, you know, weekends and put aside money and all these things to take your family on vacation, anything right To help better the home life, but for some reason that's off the table. We don't have the money for that, we don't have the time or whatever. And then they're content. People are content with the lifestyle that they're living, right, and that mentality. It blows my mind. I don't understand it. I don't get like.
Speaker 3:A lot of people have great jobs and they got great jobs and you know they got the nice car and they get to buy the clothes that they want, and you know they're happy, they get the time off, they have the insurance, it's great. If you have everything that you want, then what are you going like? What are you going to work and put a solid effort in, for you see what I'm saying like why are you trying? You already have it. Like why are you trying to better it? You see what I'm saying, like why are you being a good employee if you have?
Speaker 3:You know a lot of us could go to the doctor, get our blood work done, and the doc will come in and say you know a lot of us could go to the doctor, get our blood work done, and the doctor would come in and say you know, your cholesterol is good, your blood sugar is good, you know you're healthy as a horse and. But you still go to the gym. Like, why are you trying to better? You know your physical body if it's already like you're already healthy. So what do you? You know what I mean. But, like with marriage, your marriage is good, you think everything's, you're happy, you guys are talking, you're communicating, we're good, we don't need anymore. Or, as a single person, mentally speaking, you don't have a whole lot of stress and it really kind of blows my mind on how that mentally works.
Speaker 2:I don't quite understand it. I need to get into there because I feel like there's always something that can be like, even though, like right now, like marriage is great, job is great, like like I'm probably the happiest I've been honestly, how many days? For probably the last 33 years, yeah. But at the same time I know there's still more for me to work on and for me to like clear up or even unpack, so that maybe at one point I'll be able to pack differently now. But so I don't know.
Speaker 3:Well too, you don't know what you don't know either. True, so there's things that you find out when you go to therapy you know we've done this marriage conference before and there's things that we just didn't think of. Yeah, like topics, conversations you know how do you approach conversations, lots of things. You know what I mean. Like they're they were talking about, uh, fatherhood issues, and like you know things like that, as, as men, you can't ask a man. You know why they do the things that that they. You know why do you respond the way that you respond? You know, let's say, they're just quick to get angry. You know what I mean. And they go from zero to a hundred. You know, quick, you can't ask a man why that happens and him give you like a real answer. Right, it's always. You know this is just how I am. You know, like that's just how I've always been you know Well why.
Speaker 3:You know, like just because something has always been done that way, don't make it right you know, that's a whole another life model in itself it's uh, it just don't you know what I mean. Like just because it's got you this far, don't mean that it's working yeah it just means that you're content with where you're at. And again, if that's, you be content, you know, but don't don't whine about you know. I mean, I ain't getting nowhere don't be mad when you pull up your pants and they look tight.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's. Uh. That's me, by the way, yeah I always relate.
Speaker 3:You know fitness is is easy. Relatable things to me, right. But this goes so much further than that. You know your, your mental health, your. You know your marriage, your finances, finances we're always trying to get more money.
Speaker 3:I don't care who you are, you know, you're always trying to. You know, get financial freedom? Yeah, you want to get debt free. You want to be able to go on vacation or grocery shopping without having to check your account first, you know. I mean, like maybe write a check for a car instead of having to finance one. You know what I'm saying. Like these are goals that everyone has. Uh, these are things that we're working towards. But again, if you are just living paycheck to paycheck and you're happy about that, you know, if you're happy, like truly, honestly happy, it's kind of scary, like it really is kind of scary, but you know, if you're happy, like truly, honestly happy, it's kind of scary, like it really is kind of scary, but you know I'm not going to knock anybody.
Speaker 3:Like if that's you and you're happy and you know what I mean Like you're not complaining, you're not whining, you truly are happy. I know a guy that's like literally six dollars in his account but he's got groceries in the house, bills are paid, there's gas in the car, like he's happy yeah he's happy, you know, and so, but again, if, if you want more, I think it's as simple as just go get it.
Speaker 3:Like this stuff I tell you, know, my, my daughter. She's getting to an age now where you know the, the goals and dreams that we've talked about for years. What do you want to do when you get older? We would make fun of her because when she was a kid and she was little, she would say photograph-er instead of photographer, she wanted to be a photograph-er. So even now she'll be 15 in April. It's like what about a camera? You know what I mean. You still want to be a photographic, right, and you know it's these, these little things. But anyway, we, we we're, we're getting to an age now where these dreams are close enough to grab these goals, are close enough to like, enough to like. We're working. You know what I mean, like how you know we're. There's photography classes and things like that you can take in college. Well, how do you, you know how do you get in college? That's straight a's. Now you know, your transcripts.
Speaker 3:You know what I mean. Like we need to make them look good. How do we do that? Let's get to work. So there's, you know the. You can have anything that that you want yeah, and I think we're about saying that, but not so good about doing it. The action.
Speaker 3:The action. Get to work. You're going to go work anyway. You might as well be working towards what you want. I don't know a lot of people that are just chilling at home with everything they want and need in life. I know some they may have inherited or something like that, but everybody else we're out here trying to get it.
Speaker 2:It's kind of encouraging for me because there's some things that I've been pushing off. I think a lot of my push off is because I've been giving so much of myself to the community. Where I'm in the season now where I'm a little- bit more selfish with my time, yeah, um.
Speaker 2:And the funny thing is the stuff that I want to do still is a way to give back to the community, but it's like I guess businesses that I want to start that will allow me to give back versus working. That'd be me having creating my own dream versus working for someone else's yeah stuff that the lord has placed on my heart.
Speaker 3:But I'm like, okay, let's go ahead and do yeah, like it's, you know it's, it's like it won't go away I, I always say, at least the last few months anyway, I've been saying that god honors order and so there's no. When I I say push, jump, go for it, you know that doesn't mean be irresponsible about it. You know we're talking about. You know, chloe being a photographer. You know, if she wants to be a photographer, you know we can work on the grade. You know what I mean, like when she gets to college, then we take action, right, like as far as buying equipment, like you know what I mean, this doesn't mean that we decide, okay, photographer, yeah, let's go get you, you know, this, whatever, I don't know how much cameras cost, but let's go get you this. You know, good, decent, you know, uh, camera, and spend all this money when you're not, you know, educated on what you need to do.
Speaker 3:That may be a bad example, cause I know with photography you you kind of have to. Just you got to do it to learn what you're looking at and what you're seeing and all that stuff. So you know what I mean. But what I'm saying is there's a time, uh, there's a time for everything. You know I've been thinking about furthering my education, right, um, but I'm not signing up for that right now I need to finish what I'm what I'm working on. When I finish what I'm working on, then, okay, let me next audit my time, yeah, and figure out what, what I got time for realistically and then put that to work, you know. So there's, there's a time, there's a time for everything, and that I believe that none of it's by accident.
Speaker 3:Right, god sends the right people and opens the right doors and provides the right resources for you to be able to do the things that your heart desires. You know what I mean. But he wants you to succeed, but at the same time, if we just try to tackle everything all at once, I remember seeing your schedule one time your calendar, and I'm like girl take a day off. Burnout is real. And it hit me. Yeah.
Speaker 2:It like when it hit me, I was like, if Pastor Cliff can tell you, I sent an email to him at, I think what did he tell me the day Three something in the morning, like 3.30 in the morning, and he was, think what did he tell me the day Three something in the morning, like 3.30 in the morning, and he was like, what were you doing? I was like answering all of my emails I had to answer.
Speaker 2:And that was the time that, like I had, and I was like, wait, what am I doing? And I just thought my with me having a servant's heart, that that meant like I was to serve everyone. And I had to realize that, yeah, I have a servant's heart, but the Lord really has for me to serve a certain group of people, a certain population. Like it's not a Well that, and you're married now.
Speaker 3:Yeah, that's your first ministry. Yeah. So you know what I mean. Like you have to carve that time out.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:That's non-negotiable. Everything else, including your job, revolves around that else, including your job, revolves around that. And so, yeah, you know, I, I don't understand, I just I just and we did it wrong 17 years, we, we didn't do what we've been doing the last four or five we you know, we just figured this out.
Speaker 3:You know, even though people have been saying it, we just we didn't listen. We were, you know, no, no, no, we got. You know, we got to work, we got to get this. She's going to school and you know what I mean, like life right and and you run with that. You run with that excuse. But, truth be told, you know, even during those times we took, we didn't take a whole lot of vacations, we didn't have a whole lot of money, but we did have. We just real blunt, honest truth. You know, some years back, we did have the money to go do the things that we were weren't supposed to be doing. We did have beer money, we did have. You know what I mean. Like, uh, we, we had those things and so the time the resources were there, we just weren't really doing it in the right manner. Yeah, that happens too.
Speaker 3:And so we just had a date night Friday night, and we make them date nights. Like I always say, forget them kids. We find someone to come and spend the night at the house, Not just anyone, you know what I mean. Somebody we trust, I mean but we get somebody to come to the house and stay with the girls or somebody. The girls will, you know, go to my in-laws house or my mom's or somebody, and we take it ain't a dinner Like we take the night. You know, it's a whole, it's a whole thing, and if we don't have the time to leave town, we'll. You know we live in Midland. We stayed at the Marriott Friday night. Okay.
Speaker 3:And so had dinner at the Marriott. We had a great time. But those we do that twice a month minimum, so every two weeks we're doing a. It's not always a hotel that can get expensive.
Speaker 1:I always left at the Marriott yeah especially the Marriott.
Speaker 3:But do something If you're constantly working and oh and oh, we got to be here and you know you, that's a great example.
Speaker 2:you know if you, if you're only time to respond to emails at 3 30 in the morning that's a problem, and that's when I realized I was like this is like the biggest red flag ever yeah I was like I, I can't, something has to give that's a problem yeah, no, it was it was bad, yeah, and I we've been there, yeah, I think everybody has a season like that, right, you kind of have to do it, um, to see it, to learn it, and you have to live it and go through it, and it's not fun.
Speaker 3:It's not fun in the moment. I don't know why we did it for so long I think it was fun.
Speaker 2:At the beginning. I was like, oh, this is great, like we're helping everyone. Put it on my calendar, I'll be there. And then it got to the point where I was in some of the rooms and they were like speaking, what is it like charlie brown language, where it's like and I'll be honest, I was one of those elt meetings and I was like, why am I here and what is happening? Like, why do I feel like this? And I had to take some time to like have a conversation with God and talk to Aaron and Navigate some spaces and I was like, okay, I think I need to.
Speaker 2:Hibernate a little bit yeah and I think a huge like. It's a lot of things that, um yeah, I'm not a partner anymore. That's why we're homebodies, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3:I'm not a product anymore. That's why we're homebodies.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because honestly, nowadays, if I'm not, my focus now is, like a lot of my weekends especially since Aaron coaches is whatever football season or basketball season or whatever he's in- that's usually where I'm at.
Speaker 3:For us it's the weekend, right. I know plenty of people where that's not an option With the kids' schedules and things like that. That's saturdays. They're at soccer fields or football fields all day, like again, support your kids, be there, you know, be there, and but there is, there is other time that you have to make, you have to carve out, right. So I know plenty of people that do their date nights on thursdays or you know what I mean or mondays or whatever, whatever works for their schedule.
Speaker 3:But if you literally have to write it on a calendar like literally write it on a calendar, you share a calendar with your spouse and you have to write it you have to pencil it in then pencil it in and make sure that that time and for a lot of people, you may not be in a season in life where you know you have the option or the resources to be able to take a, a night, a whole night, right? Um, so two hours is going to have to work, you know. Make the most out of that two hours. You know. Whatever, whatever the timeline is, you know it's got to start somewhere.
Speaker 2:Though, I agree, I think we do. Honestly, I think we're kind of like weekly at this point, but we, like I said, we've cut a lot of things, like we're yeah, um, I guess also still in that newlywed phase. So yeah we go and do and try a different, whether it be a restaurant, a new movie, um yeah, I think you gotta work really hard to make sure that that phase ain't a phase yeah, that's, that's okay, it's the truth.
Speaker 3:Yeah, because right now that's what we're doing. Right, we had to. We had to. I had a, I had a, an instructor. He's a lead pastor. Don't ask me anything because I don't remember right now, but uh, he said that every month. I've been a lead pastor a long time and he said that every month, that he audits his, his time. So he goes back through his calendar from the last month and he you know what I mean. Just okay, what like this was too much, like I had this many appointments, this many counseling appointments. You know I did two weddings. You know you preached every Sunday, preached every Wednesday. You know what I mean. You audit the whole month and then figure out, okay, where do I got to cut back? What suffered in that month? It may be nothing, you may have nailed it that month and everything went good.
Speaker 3:But it's still healthy to do every month, right, because by the time you know it, 10 years have passed. And you know you're looking back on the way that it used to be what John Mayer calls the movie phase. And you know you're, you're, you're looking back on the way that it used to be what John Mayer calls the movie phase, and you know you're, you're, you're looking back to, to that point and trying to get back to you know what I?
Speaker 3:mean how we were then. You know what I mean. Like, let's be real, you were having sex every day. Y'all were going to dinner, you know right, like there was just a lot of things that you were doing then that you don't do now. Yeah, and and and. Now you're trying to do these. Nothing wrong with, I think. Better late than never get to work, you know. But now you're doing these date nights, trying to rekindle what was there before?
Speaker 3:when we missed it in the beginning. We should have realized what phase we were in and just decided, hey, we're not going to let this phase in.
Speaker 2:Yeah, like let's keep this going. I have to like take note of that.
Speaker 3:It's a real. You know, I think you know. People always say like you've heard it. People always say never stop dating.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's the truth. I've definitely heard that one before you know.
Speaker 3:That really is the truth. Uh, you have kids and and you know, new moms, new dads they're, they're especially when it's your first kid. It's hard to you know what I mean to pass the you know, the baby off to even mom you know, or somebody yeah um and trust that they're going to be safe.
Speaker 3:And you know it's a little easier with the second kid, right, but with the first kid you get a little nervous, especially the first few times. And if that's you and there ain't no way that baby's leaving the house, I'm not, I ain't too little, I'm not doing that. Okay, you know, plan for that, you know we're gonna date night at the house. Yeah, no naps during the day yeah okay, uh, we're gonna keep this baby awake all day and then let the baby go to bed. Yeah.
Speaker 3:Make sure dinner's ready as soon as the baby's out. Boom, we're sitting down. Yeah, If you've got to get dressed like you're going out and then go sit at your own kitchen table, do it. Yeah, you know, make it something that it ain't. You know. Change the bed sheets. Make it look like something that it ain't.
Speaker 2:You know, it ain't.
Speaker 3:You know, put some I've seen what they do, like the tv screens outside too, like for movies. Yeah, there's plenty of options, right, if you're creative. But if you just settle for oh, we got the kid at home, like we can't, we can't do nothing, you're just digging a hole, yeah, it's gonna be real hard to get out of, that's true.
Speaker 3:You know, in some years, we've learned some things in 17 years, you know, and we made plenty of mistakes along the way. Uh, but I again start. I wish I wish we would have started this in the beginning, because I think that our marriage, a lot of it, has to do with everything that we've been through. But our marriage is stronger than it's ever been and I believe that we could have had this happiness, this boldness in our marriage a long time ago if we would have caught it, if we would have been intentional. We just weren't, we were coasting. I preached, probably a year and a half ago, maybe a year ago now, I don't know, but I remember talking about the statistics for divorce year and a half ago, maybe a year ago now, I don't know, but I remember talking about the statistics for divorce. Divorce is well above 50% now Closer to 60. And a lot of times, most times, majority of the divorces happen when the kids have left the home.
Speaker 3:Oh, they don't know each other they don't know how to be married, no more. They didn't spin. That's where forget them kids came from you know, I said it from the stage for the first time. I got made way more laughs out of that than I thought too, like parents knew what I was talking about they were like yeah, forget those kids I ain't a parent so you know, but it's the truth.
Speaker 3:They, they got, they got to, you know, they just forgot. You know they spent, so they had a buffer for so long. They forgot why they fell in love you know what I mean and they forgot how to be married. And then the kid's gone, the buffer's gone, and now they got to talk to each other and they're looking like. And they're like I really don't even know who you are anymore and that's sad, you know. But we got a up to close to 60% of marriages end. It's that's sad, you know.
Speaker 2:I would think your kids are leaving that's. I can see how it can go the other way, but I can. I would also think like your kids are leaving the home.
Speaker 3:We're already talking about it.
Speaker 2:Now. It's time to do whatever.
Speaker 3:Whenever, however, we're setting up, we're trying to get debt-free this year. Yeah. So we can pay our Mostly debt-free, pay our house off, hopefully by next year, and then we want to buy a house in Colorado or somewhere, because when the kids are out we want to buy a house in Colorado or somewhere, because when the kids are out, we want to move, we want to be gone, so you're going to leave them your house, maybe not when they move out. You know what I mean.
Speaker 2:How old is?
Speaker 3:your youngest Nine.
Speaker 2:Okay, I hope Nine, ten, something around there, eight or nine.
Speaker 3:Eight, I think eight, yeah, so we got a ways to go, but you know what? This is what I'm talking about, though. Start Planning takes time, paying off a house takes time. Trucks Things break, things happen. Car breaks down you gotta get a new one. You know what I mean. You started over on a payment because we ain't at the point in life right now where we can write a check for a car. It's sixty thousand dollar, it's coming, believe. Oh yeah, it's coming. I can see it, it's mine, it's just a matter of time. So I think that mentality goes a long way I agree.
Speaker 2:Wow, I said thank you for all the the gems you dropped, especially for myself. Kind of reminds me just to get going and to um, take baby steps to crawl before I walk and then maybe one day run one day. Um, is there anything? I'll give you the last couple of seconds to encourage the listener that may be listening to this podcast episode.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I think that listeners can really get a lot out of auditing their own time and not just their own time, but their own situations, and not just their own time, but their own situations. And so I hope that through this, people will be encouraged to really look at the whole situation. Look at your marriage, look at your kids How's your relationship with your kids? How's that relationship with your spouse? How is your physical health, your mental health? And be honest with yourself. Stop lying health and be honest with yourself. Stop lying to yourself. Be honest with yourself. Just say listen, I got the time but I just didn't want to go. If your health is in the gutter, let's get to work Now, start. If your marriage is in trouble and you can feel it, it's on rocks. You know that there's some tension there. Let's start. You know, start, fix it.
Speaker 3:Uh, it's not always as simple as one conversation. A lot of times it's not as simple as one conversation, but there are resources out there to be able to, uh, to better that right, there's, there's, there's therapy, there's even, you know, like biblical counseling. You know what I mean. Like you can talk with the pastor and just sometimes it just takes a getting it out and for the other person to hear I can deal with. I can deal with, you know, making my wife mad Right, done that plenty over the years. I can deal with making my kids mad mm-hmm, I do that weekly right.
Speaker 3:what I can't deal with is making them sad mmm or disappointed mmm and I feel like the minute that I decide that everything, you know, I'm good enough father, I'm a good enough husband, I don't have to put the work in no more and I become content in enough husband, I don't have to put the work in no more and I become content in those areas. I don't have to lead my family to christ, you know what I'm saying. Like they've been baptized, they're good, yeah, like we're good. We made it this far. The minute that I get content with those areas, financially, business-wise, I've become a disappointment, not just to myself you know what I mean but I believe to them, that to them part that may never be true, right?
Speaker 3:Honestly, my wife may never come to me and say you know, I'm really disappointed that you let us down in this area, but the truth is I don't want to ever give her a reason to even think it. I want to be the best that I can be and I hope that people listening will really audit their mind space and really take the time to think about. You know where am I winning and where am I losing. It's time to jump.
Speaker 3:You know life is short yes, it's not promise not even take the end of the day my uncle lost his wife she was she was early 30s gone just like that and it was brutal and you know what I mean. But like after, after that you know my mind I'm like the time is now Like stop stalling, and I think that for a lot of people it's just I'll do it tomorrow, you know. Two secondly and lastly, somebody's always watching. Somebody's always watching, especially if you have kids. They're watching your wife's watching, especially if you have kids. They're watching your wife's watching. Men, just you know, step up, be the leader that you were called to be and lead your, lead your families, not only to the church house, but lead them and show them. Show your kids, show your wives that you can, wives that you can. You know what wives. Show your kids that you can do hard things yeah that it's attainable.
Speaker 3:It's achievable if you're willing to work for it. You can have anything you want, it's just a matter of time. Are you willing to put the work in? Yeah because if you ain't shut up, there we go.
Speaker 2:That is the gems from Pastor Andy. Well, I just say again thank you for taking some time out of your day to come chat with me, for the listener that's listening, remember that you are loved by not only me but God as well, and show yourself some grace. Today is my last gem. Usually I have this long still, but I'm just going to say show yourself some grace and go practice self-care. So, whether that be a nap, a walk around the track, a glass of water, whatever it looks like for you, but practice some self-care and peace out Bye.
Speaker 1:Thank you for listening to another episode of Standing in your Truth with Yanni. And if no one told you today, you are loved, you are beautiful, you are needed and you matter, be sure to follow on Facebook at Standing in your Truth Podcast with Yanni. Also on Instagram Talks with Yanni.
