Join us for an honest conversation with Catherine and ShaRaye as we explore the nuances of personal growth, self-care, and parenthood. We share our personal experiences and how they've shaped us differently, especially in approaching motherhood. We delve into the dynamic world of CrossFit, how it has helped us channel aggression, and our evolving self-care routines deeply rooted in faith.
We tackle the challenges of single motherhood and dating, sharing how we manage these complex scenarios while prioritizing our children's well-being. You'll hear about the critical role forgiveness and support networks play in our journey of parenthood and personal growth. We also discuss the tricky business of introducing kids in new relationships, offering insights on assessing a person's character and background. Finally, listen as we contemplate the significance of faith in parenting and the healing power of mending relationships. Join us for this empowering conversation as we share our stories of perseverance and growth and hopefully inspire you on your journey.
Join us for an honest conversation with Catherine and ShaRaye as we explore the nuances of personal growth, self-care, and parenthood. We share our personal experiences and how they've shaped us differently, especially in approaching motherhood. We delve into the dynamic world of CrossFit, how it has helped us channel aggression, and our evolving self-care routines deeply rooted in faith.
We tackle the challenges of single motherhood and dating, sharing how we manage these complex scenarios while prioritizing our children's well-being. You'll hear about the critical role forgiveness and support networks play in our journey of parenthood and personal growth. We also discuss the tricky business of introducing kids in new relationships, offering insights on assessing a person's character and background. Finally, listen as we contemplate the significance of faith in parenting and the healing power of mending relationships. Join us for this empowering conversation as we share our stories of perseverance and growth and hopefully inspire you on your journey.
Hello everyone, welcome to season two of standing your truth podcast. I'm your host, Yanni. On this podcast, you will hear myself, family and friends having open ended discussions on anything from faith, finances, relationships and how to stay motivated during life trying times. Make sure you follow me on all my social media. Click within the bio, sit back and get ready to enjoy. Well, well, well, everyone, we're back with another episode of standing your truth podcast. I am your host, Yanni. How have you guys been? I am on day 34. I'm a professor at math, but something close to that. For 75 part Definitely been interesting with moving and shaking, but nevertheless, it's not about me today I have two guests with me.
Speaker 1:I'm going to allow them to introduce themselves. Whoever wants to go first? Hi, I'm Catherine aka cat. Okay, well, you have to at least shout out to business. Oh, yes, so I am a full time payroll administrator with the Oldfield company and I have a side business called CC 360. We are a 360 photo booth business. Yes, and my name is charade, and one day through Friday I go by Demetrius. That's my. You know, my God, give me a name. On my mama. My middle name is charade, you know, on weekends I go by JLo Just kidding, that's my, that's my.
Speaker 2:that's normally my ice break.
Speaker 1:That takes my nerves away when I just tap on it in the jingo. But now my name is charade and I work. Can we say our job name on here? It might be like, uh, except you don't have to. Yeah, I do. Okay For UCPB. I'm the cancer seeable coordinator at UCPB. I am, how long have you been?
Speaker 2:with them.
Speaker 1:I have been with UTPB. I just got my five year um a pen, but a total of 10 years with the state. Why? Because I don't like the state.
Speaker 2:Okay, yeah, that's cool. I have a friend that just switched over to there.
Speaker 1:Don't ask me what her job is.
Speaker 1:I don't remember but, I, just know she works at UTPB now. Yes, don't ask me nothing else. All right, so we're going to start off with our house questions. So the first one is what motivates you? What motivates you why? I think what motivates me the most is like the growth, because I've seen myself rock bottom, not with nothing, of course, but, um, seeing my growth along anywhere from 13 to 20 years really motivates me. I think that's why I started going back to school, opening my business. So, yeah, I would say, just seeing the growth, what do you want to school?
Speaker 2:for.
Speaker 1:Sociology. You didn't tell me that you know being able to read all of us until it's all crazy, it's crazy. Yeah, probably I can tell you that, actually I can say to you the truth, but I am.
Speaker 2:Same, that is, that is. A little bit of a little sprinkle of crazy. We all got it back out A little bit of crazy, so you don't own it, though.
Speaker 1:What motivates me? Um, I just knew this every day, because I have to like shake off what I feel like I didn't get through yesterday, and then push through. That's what I feel like I can get through today, cause you know we can be like hard on myself and be like oh my God, I didn't do it on this. I knew this and so just a fresh start every day. That's make every day new. That's that's how I try to do it, try to be a little bit better than I was yesterday.
Speaker 2:That's always my prayer.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's good. I think you should add that to my prayer.
Speaker 2:I'm like all right, what are we?
Speaker 1:like five minutes in. I think that myself I'm learning something.
Speaker 1:All right, here we go here, we go, all right. How do you guys protect your mental health? Or you can answer um, what is your self care routine? Um, personally, sometimes I don't protect my mental health. Um, it used to be CrossFit. Um, crossfit was big for me. Um, I let out a lot of aggression in the gym and it just got like my juices flowing and then to be able to like lift something like a heavier weight or something, um, hopefully I can get back there. But I mean, right now I'm just on a journey where I'm kind of just flowing with it outside of the gym. I guess that's a to be determined question.
Speaker 2:We'll come back to that.
Speaker 1:I'm like, well, and I'm telling you so, I did a month, barely, maybe like three weeks. Honestly, let's be honest here. Three weeks um with CrossFit and I told you CrossFit 432. I believe is the name of it. Yes, um, and I enjoyed it. I did the 5am class. Um, they were all with the nice. I even see some of them actually outside of the gym. Um, we speak and hang out.
Speaker 1:So if you're, looking for a CrossFit home, I would highly recommend them. Um, I don't know about the other classes they have and what that environment is like, but you know for sure the 5am um bunch, even though it's early, always have good spirits, always motivating um any good good trainers. I think I'm slightly biased, but I mean I'm just like but that's that. So when you're ready to attack back into that, just let me know for sure. But wait, I have a question for you. Do you feel like with you stopping CrossFit and not having that outlet or yeah, not having that outlet for your mental health cause it made a difference?
Speaker 2:Do you feel?
Speaker 1:it, oh, a thousand percent. I feel it not only in my body but my mind, like I have to let my frustrations out elsewhere, and sometimes it's not good cause my kid gets the brunt of it, you know, or my coworkers get the brunt of it.
Speaker 2:So yeah, it definitely takes a toll.
Speaker 1:Okay. Okay, that's true, and I don't work out, I just I like to sign up. I like to sign up for gym and machines and I be like, oh, I go tomorrow. I think I went to to Hot Works like twice, and I'm like this too much for me, hot Works. I'm just going to pray my honor.
Speaker 2:Hey, you had a heart, you had a heart.
Speaker 1:I was like that goes back to the first clip said this morning when he used the description and how you want to use it.
Speaker 2:I see how I went in there.
Speaker 1:I was back in HoKies. Oh, you made the win, YB you made that one, and then maybe you'll actually be in Hot Works, but I didn't have Hot. Works because, like I think, either I need like someone there like physical or physical Cause, the whole cause.
Speaker 2:the screen was alive.
Speaker 1:It was overwhelming. I was like, just shut up, like you're actually bothering me. The bites were so close. I liked the bites but we was like touching arms and I don't want you to sweat on me.
Speaker 2:I was like okay.
Speaker 1:I grew up with my friends, so it was just. Luckily only three of us were in there when we did the bikes. I don't know. I have a cousin that goes to Pilates. I mean to Pilates. She does the hot, the Pilates at Hot Works, but I just like I don't know, I know me, and this was maybe. I was sitting there looking at the TV and I did it. So I'm like, put me on the treadmill, I crunch, or put me on CrossFit and let me just get yelled at.
Speaker 1:It's easier, it's easier with someone telling you this is what we're going to do. This is a percentage, and you just know, get in, get out and get on with your life. You know, I'm always late, so at Hot Works you had to be in there on your bike when it started or, you like, in the middle. So you don't get the warm up, you just little play, just go, go, go.
Speaker 2:How do they do?
Speaker 1:you usually do like a couple of minute warm up, yeah, but you just go. I don't want to work out, just rewind. I just want to push rewind on when I didn't have a stomach and I could look down. Just try to look down. No girl, I be seeing them on Facebook and I just be like God bless them.
Speaker 2:But you don't know honestly with me, with this being my first time doing it.
Speaker 1:It's not as bad as it looks like. It is Okay. It is some stuff You'd be like. I have no clue what I'm doing. It's tough yet.
Speaker 2:Cause I'm stuck.
Speaker 1:I can't like she was lifting up a weight this bad, the size of my whole torso, yeah no you realize how much of a beast like if you really just get out of your mind. The song is just that, the feeling. But you got to get out of your mind and just do it, yeah.
Speaker 2:Just do it and you'll be like what.
Speaker 1:You really discover how strong your body is and what you're capable of and how resilient you are.
Speaker 2:It's all. It probably helps mentally too.
Speaker 1:Oh, it does, it really does, cause it makes you feel like I can just yeah, that was me at work, thinking I was like it and I was like I can't lift anything, but in my head I was like yeah, I made you do something lifted. You want me to make your movie, I'm like I'm going to make you do whatever, but it is what it is Okay. What advice would you give your younger self? To guard your heart and don't do it, girl. That's what I would tell my sister.
Speaker 2:Don't do it girl.
Speaker 1:You know, they remember it right now, when they had the I forgot what company had the GPS and they had Snoop Dogg's voice on it. I think it was like a Tom Tom or something. Way back then when you say, don't do it, I can just hear you See somebody doing something, your voice coming. Don't do it girl, don't do it. I was just thinking about it. Don't do it, don't do it. That would be good.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think we could play our voice on there. Depending on how I sound when we do play that Cause I don't know how to sound.
Speaker 1:They say my voice is soothing, so I probably put some people to sleep Cause, I don't know, they don't want that behind the wheel. Don't do it, girl. Don't do it girl, ow Don't do it girl.
Speaker 1:What? Alright, what's your advice? I would probably say know your worth. Know your worth. A lot of our kids just don't realize you know what they are, what they have, what they're capable of. And me personally, you know I got into some bad places because I did not know my worth. And now that I do, I can stand up for myself and know this is not what I'm going to accept and move on and be okay with moving on. Yeah, that's good. Oh my God, Knowing your worth, yeah.
Speaker 2:I'm like that, right there.
Speaker 1:It's like mind's on Okay, what is one important event or moment in your life that has really shaped or made a huge impact? Wait, I don't know if I almost said that. I did not say that. Right, try that again, try that again.
Speaker 1:What is one moment in your life that has made a huge impact on you? I would probably say becoming a mother Back before I was pregnant with her. I got pregnant at 20, had her at 21. So my phone was out the door, but I had a lot of fun prior to getting pregnant with her. So I would probably say my child and getting pregnant with her was probably what saved me the most. I was on a path I thought it was what's it called invincible. I was smoking a lot of weed, doing drugs, trying other things, drinking. I mean, we lived in a party house. So we had a standoff with the police one time.
Speaker 2:Seriously, they did the whole. Thing.
Speaker 1:Yes, and we didn't let them in. They eventually left and everybody else got caught, but we stayed home, but I was on a very destructive path. So I could say that probably changed the trajectory of my life. It was good, I will say. The moment that shaped my life, or the change or made a big impact, was when I lost my mom, because before that you couldn't tell Shiray nothing, because I already knew I had told Kev that the day I think that I would literally go to my mom before I would pray, I would just be like mama, guess what? Mama?
Speaker 2:I know, you know mommy how you did this. So, mama, what you think and it would just be that.
Speaker 1:And she was like I felt solid because she was there and she was a single parent. She didn't miss one step, not ever. And so I felt like I was secure in everything I did. She didn't. And it wasn't like she was just dishing out money, it was just I didn't worry about anything Because she was there. I had not one care, not one concern. I knew that I would always be okay because she was there. So whenever I lost her, my prayer life became completely solid, because I had to like, depend on and.
Speaker 1:I've grown up in church forever, so I've been safe for a long time, but not truly where I can say that I really was solely dependent on God for my safety and my security and just my well-being. Until once she was gone it was like okay, now you're gonna have to live. I had to learn how to breathe.
Speaker 1:You know, she died in June of 2016. Yeah, so, and it feels like yesterday, like I probably could have cried, but she's like I don't know. She was everything. And so to have to learn how to live and take care of my kids and figure out, mama, what I put in their hair if it does this, like everything, what I season this food with you know and so to learn how to live and to learn that I could live without my mom being here was life changing. I've literally grown a relationship with God where I feel like Jesus is my homeboy. You know, for real, I could be one of the same place, not the one that snitched on me. That's great, but yeah, I just. It changed my walk, it changed my life, it changed the way I mothered, it changed the way it caused me to grow. I had to really grow up.
Speaker 1:I still had a copy of my mom's debit card. I had one with and it was in my name. I was like an account holder, like I. It was everything. She was such a wonderful mama. All of us were so spoiled and it was. I was gonna say wait, it wasn't how many of us.
Speaker 2:It wasn't just me and my sister Right. That's what.
Speaker 1:All of us were all so spoiled, like every one of us, and so she was a great mom.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:So I guess let's kick it off. This episode is talking about their journey as mothers and what that looks like for them. So we're gonna just start off. I wanna ask how has having a mom that was such a huge influence in your life? How has that, I guess, shaped you as a mother?
Speaker 1:I'm very territorial when it comes to my kids, and so even when Landon and it's almost at a detriment, is that your, my 20 year old? Okay, how many kids do you have? Four, so I've Landon, who's 20, he just turned 20, lastly and then Riley, she's 15, jasey's 12 and Amaya's nine. So I learned how to protect them once she was gone you know she was gone, but before that I was just like we'll live through it and they'll be okay, cause I just tell my mom about it, you know. But it just taught me how to care for people other than myself better than I care for myself. So it's almost, I guess, it's two sided, because she did care for us more than she cared for herself, and so sometimes I do that I'm guilty of it a lot where.
Speaker 1:I will make sure they're good before I make sure she raised good, yeah. So it's a few things. I go hard for those kids. I work 87 jobs to make sure they if.
Speaker 1:Rodney sees some track shoes, jcb braces I will go to make sure that they're okay. And I was trying to do better, like there's never a moment that I don't feel like I can do better than what I did before. So, yeah, I think we're just so hard on ourselves. I agree. I think you probably even go to sleep at night questioning yourself as a mother, like did I do enough? Did I say enough? Was I reassuring enough? You know anything like making sure you got everything squared for the morning. You know, and if I feel like I was too hard on somebody before they went to bed, I always make it right, but then I'll go in there and lay with them.
Speaker 1:And like you, know to like make sure they're good. Well kudos to you, girlfriend. I just let me tap the mic. I need to make this so we have parents listening, Cause I feel like a lot of times I think I kind of got some apologies for my mom once I was in Louisiana, so I had to be like 18. So where it was like, hey, I'm sorry.
Speaker 1:I feel like a lot of parents don't feel like it's necessary to apologize to their kids. Yeah, I just like a lot of times we forget, just in general, about their people.
Speaker 1:Yes, little people, but they're people, but we're growing them into these adults who will then be angry and won't feel like they deserve to be apologized to Like they deserve to be treated like that. So then that's like that goes back to our self-worth and how we feel like stuff should be. And if your mama is hollering and screaming and she doesn't ever come back and say, hey, homie, let's talk about this.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:And I don't call them homie, but I say that a lot. But cause they're not my friends, I tell them Roddy was like Meet your little friend, oh no.
Speaker 2:I'm not her friend.
Speaker 1:She was like we should get this best friend raised in like her charm and I was like no, we'll get it when you get grown, cause I'm not her best friend. Not right now, I'm not her, no, no, but when I became my mom's best friend, but once I was an adult I got whoopens. I probably only got two in my life, cause I learned I watched she like being, I'm like, I just raised the eyebrow.
Speaker 1:That's fine, Don't worry about it. But I do tell them I'm not their friend. I will listen and I'll listen and listen. We can talk about anything but, I'm not that friend Because sometimes we disrespect our friends and I work too hard to be disrespected. You don't get to cross that.
Speaker 2:Disrespect your mama line, that's good yeah, so we can't be friends? No, I never thought of it like that. But you have to go point Cause you're a teacher, kids, you sometimes do disrespect your friends, and I may not even always be on purpose.
Speaker 1:It's not on purpose but sometimes you offend them in ways that you feel like it's okay because they're your friends, and then, oh, they'll understand. They're just my friend. No, don't cross that line with me, cause I'm your mom.
Speaker 2:Period.
Speaker 1:Period yeah, so we do that, we have. So I'll get her that charm, probably when she get married or something Cause he can't go bed with her Cause. I have Cause. He's pretty and I still have no way, but she can be like mom. What is this? Happy marriage? I don't know what's the way you say it. She wants to do it. Here it is. I'm just saying for the gracious.
Speaker 1:So is there one person in your life that has, like, shaped the way you've mothered or been your? I guess it's inspiration against your own heart, I don't. I don't. I feel like I have to grow to be mothering and nurturing, growing up. My parents were divorced at a very young age I was five. It was very tragic and I feel like they did the best they could with what they had, and I think a lot of us. As an adult, we have to give them that grace.
Speaker 1:Because our parents raised us the best they knew how, but I mean my mom, she, she. I wouldn't say in total, but I think that you know I had to teach myself a lot of stuff. So I mean I can't say yes, but I can't say no, so like maybe. I learned a lot, but has there been a person? I can think of a couple, which is probably not good, but of women that I've been around and I've seen them with their kids and I'm like if the Lord ever allows me to have kids.
Speaker 1:we not operating that way. So I've ever seen stuff where you'd be like sis, let me help you, cause dad don't look good, or maybe even have people, maybe even before you even had kids, when you were like, mm-mm, I don't like the way this looks.
Speaker 2:I will say yes, it does.
Speaker 1:And this is crazy because when I started getting my life together.
Speaker 1:I saw my sister mother a certain way and I was like that ain't gonna be me, like my kid's gonna have a stable home, my kid's gonna have, you know, everything she needs and in reason you know. But I guess I could say her like she showed me what I didn't wanna be. So I mean that helped along the way as well. I worked at Daycare Warbeck and it was like the best day carry ever. But anyway, shout out to number one. We can learn and center in Mid-Tex.
Speaker 2:Woo Woo.
Speaker 1:But she read like a tight ship. She loved those kids and so she groomed all of her teachers to love kids also.
Speaker 1:So whenever you would see a parent come in, you'd be like I know she didn't, and that baby ain't got this, I know she didn't. And so before you had kids, it would be easy to say, to put that judgment hat on and say what you won't do. But, baby, I have learned, Because I have a 20 year old and I have a nine year old, and so the two in between, aye, but that older one, the lensing has. Like as long as he was under my arm and I could make him do what he was supposed to do, he was right in line. But now that he's older it's like I have to, like, you know, let my arms go, let my hands go and allow him to grow. So my judgment hat got burnt up a long time ago Because I never. If someone came in and told me how to parent and they didn't really understand the entire situation, I would be angry. You couldn't tell me how to be a mom. You may could suggest some things Now as a mama.
Speaker 2:We don't really listen. We'd be like, girl, you don't know my baby you know you don't understand the question.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so we have some. There's some truth there, cause I guess that we, each kid and each mother, are different. It's different.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And what you see on the outside. It really ain't that. Cause sometimes Riley will be upset and she can sleepy.
Speaker 2:Or she hungry.
Speaker 1:Yeah, cause she can sleepy, hungry. She be mad as a mother too. Yeah, I like that. I heard somebody say to one day you're so beautiful, Like they were trying to mother it and I had to follow my mom's up and say I didn't let them talk. She mad just cause she sleepy, hungry. But so on the outside it's easy to think things about a parent on the outside looking in, but if you don't know, you really don't know.
Speaker 2:So I try not to judge parents Cause I can't.
Speaker 1:I don't really have a parent seat to put you in.
Speaker 2:Now I can you can ask me all day hey, sheree, what did you do?
Speaker 1:This? What I did, but I don't, I don't really have any judgment. Coming from the daycare life where I was like, oh sorry, mama, and then now growing up and being a parent, I just I took that off. Well, let me just remove my, but I still.
Speaker 2:I still like cause sometimes, like sometimes that's when you have to step back and be like okay, Let me take.
Speaker 1:let me take the judgment Now. If I do see a child that looks abused, I'm telling on you I ain't gonna let you make it.
Speaker 2:I ain't gonna let you baby have no black eyes and no bite marks. I'm telling on you.
Speaker 1:Or no, cigarette burns, not a cigarette burns.
Speaker 2:I'm just, I'm just playing.
Speaker 1:I was like wait, I've never seen a kid with cigarette burns. But I'm just saying, if I see like something on that level, then I'm happy. I have to say something. Oh, yeah, in Texas you have to say something. Yeah, I have to say something. But other than that baby you do you? There's other people that you're raising.
Speaker 1:But you can honestly say you're not the same parent to land in. No that you are to Riley, no that you are to JC, that you are to my. Every kid has a specific mother inside. Every kid is different. Yeah, yeah, they're all different. So is that challenging? It is challenging because you don't ever want anybody to be like she's mama's favorite. Y'all have favorite, she's mama's favorite. I think you mamas do have favorites, I don't have a favorite?
Speaker 1:Yes, so let me tell you, I used to be like man. You know, that's my number one son. He was the only boy. You know what I'm saying you couldn't say that, so I could be like that's my number one son. Well, someone came to me and was like he's your only son, but why not not make him your favorite? Uh-oh, sit down, clown, but this is not my favorite.
Speaker 2:But there are days.
Speaker 1:He's not my favorite. There are days that are easier. Take a bite in your house.
Speaker 1:There are days that are easier with each child, I think Amaya. At the time she requires the most attention and a lot of stuff. But I do feel like Jaycee I'm leaning more towards Jaycee needing me more because I don't want her to feel unnoticed and like she disappears in the shadow of landing not being there and me stressing over landing not being there and Riley running track and then Amaya playing with slime. I mean you know so slick I have to make sure that's your life.
Speaker 1:That's my life girl. I have some brand new Bath Body Works, lotion and.
Speaker 2:I get to smell it.
Speaker 1:I ain't got no candles on. Oh, who sent my lotion? And it's Maya. She and her whipping up some slime. They just smell so lovely, but she's poor that I have a and I don't get the one that come in the little lotion, I get the shade butter one, did you?
Speaker 2:Oh, really yeah.
Speaker 1:Now I get it when they on sale, but I don't care the price tag she was like $1,195. It don't matter that I got it when they was $5.95.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:But yeah, Maya's the, she's that one. So then I just don't want Jaycee to feel like she's doing a disappearing act.
Speaker 2:So it's hard to juggle it but. I thank God for it.
Speaker 1:Cause some people don't have kids, and so Cliff had said something the other day and he was saying that that's our greatest reward, and I just started like looking at them and one day.
Speaker 1:I couldn't see, cause my contacts had torn and I couldn't see anything. I couldn't see nothing, and I was thinking how devastating my life will be to not see them, and so I have to treat them like their God's gifts to me. So I pray every day for myself, as a mama, that I'll be a good student over them. Do I lose my temper? Absolutely. I have an attitude and I pray for myself, but I do.
Speaker 1:And I see myself show up in each one of them, every one of them, and it'd be like a whole slap and I just sometimes be like. I bet my mama just laughing like girl. And it's true, Cause you do your kids, they turn out just like you, it's a mirror. It is.
Speaker 2:So I think that gives you like a motivation to kind of raise yourself, but in a different way.
Speaker 1:But when they turn teens, it's over Like they push back and let me just say toddlers over teens Toddlers over teens All day, it's like oh, they're so cute, they're so cute.
Speaker 1:When they grow up, you be like who is your daddy? You pray over them even more. You get to just thinkin' what was I doing when I was 14? I wasn't like that. Let me call your dad is momma and see what you was doing, because it wasn't me, because I was scared to get in trouble. Yeah, that's still me. I was that person. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you make you bleed twice, ok, but help. So one thing that your mother during, I guess, having come is. Currently you're under both single mothers.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:Outside of just, I guess, normal motherhood. What's the extra challenge? Or, yeah, what's the extra challenge With you guys being single mothers? Oh, I could go on for days. Yeah, me too. You have to be. This is the biggest thing. They say you have to be the mom and the dad, and you really do, which I don't take away from a father at all.
Speaker 2:But the mother is a nurturing the father is basically the disciplinary.
Speaker 1:He's the lead of the family. So when you have to take on both roles, they get confused. Like which one am I going to get? So it's like Dr Jekyll, mr Hyde, because you have to do both of those roles you have to be nurturing and you also have to be a disciplinarian, and sometimes it just gets messy. I think that's the biggest thing not having help or not having a stern hand so that they could be there and they could discipline and you could nurture them a little more. Because, as women, that's our role. You don't have a relief. No at all.
Speaker 2:You have no backup.
Speaker 1:There's no backup quarterback coming to relief. You. You break your ankle, oh well, and that did happen to me, and my baby was my St and Graves. So it's tough, you don't have nobody to tap in. It's a constant go, go, go. No sleep, I mean, I only have one.
Speaker 2:So I always 13.
Speaker 1:She's 13. So I only have one. So I see people with multiples and sometimes I fall short just having one. So I can't imagine having multiples.
Speaker 2:So I think that's the biggest thing.
Speaker 1:They can see my great edges. I can name them. This one probably my, if it's not laid down by the edge control. It's not laid down. No, it is a juggling act. It's hard Because you don't have a wind down time by the time I get to where most parents will be like oh.
Speaker 1:I put them in bed at night and then I go and I do my classwork and I have this time. By the time I get home from working all day from. I'm like a whole taxi driver. Just put a Uber stick on my car because I go everywhere About forever.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And it's busy, and so by the time we get home and then I cook and then I end up washing the dishes, because I've already fussed and said get the dishes washed and it's taking them too long, and then it's time to go to bed, but then I'm washing dishes, they're showering and getting ready and then I'm sleeping, so then I have classwork. That's behind.
Speaker 2:You're in school too, yeah what are you in school for?
Speaker 1:My major is psychology and my mind is communication, so what do you think?
Speaker 2:I just want to know are y'all?
Speaker 1:opening up something together. This is a whole cycle. Maybe I know.
Speaker 2:I know Come on, come on y'all, come on. You know, I don't even know. Ok, good luck, I'm just going to wait.
Speaker 1:Hold on those two, we don't know we don't know what you're going to do Exactly, so I'm just going to sit and watch. Yes.
Speaker 2:OK, I'm done for that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but it's tough. And so then my psychology books and papers and stuff I have to write. Sometimes they slap me in the face Because then I see moments where I'm like dang, I did that wrong.
Speaker 2:Yes, that was wrong. Yeah, it is.
Speaker 1:And I think that's good for us to see, because we need to be corrected too, you know. And back to the apologizing chart kids, we need to open up that line of communication together and have that, and then that's it. Yeah, like with us not having the extra person or the extra support there to say, hey, that was wrong. Then sometimes you feel like you're right until it just slaps you in the face and the whole spirit got taken from you.
Speaker 2:Yes, yes, sometimes we don't want to.
Speaker 1:That's not good, but I understand that For sure. And I was always a disciplinarian with whenever their dad was in our home. It was me Because he just was like easy breezy Because he's starting trouble. So he's like, let me, let him do what they want to, because I got to have at least the kids on my side. Toad, I used to be the same way Later on his dad, I would be like you better go spank her. And he would get the bell and just smack like, slap it. You know when your parents would scare you like that, he would do like that. She would just be like ow, ow. So they had a little cahootaline I mean a knock cahootaline dad, a little cahoot's going there Like this is what we're going to do, and she would be Disney channel.
Speaker 1:Yeah, straight up. I had to tell my girls this is not Disney Picture face, because this sometimes be fake, because they don't want to get in trouble. One day I caught my issues. She was supposed to be brushing her teeth. She's in the mirror and she's like oh, but she's trying to get her crying. So then me and Jaycee and Riley are standing outside the door and we're killing ourselves.
Speaker 2:And she was so angry when she turned around.
Speaker 1:This time it's because she was trying to pour it on. She was like sitting the stage. I'm just going to cry. She didn't want to go to school. Nine Lord, she would have been first, she would have been last. I ain't playing. Yeah, am I in tough? Yes, yeah, she tough, she sweet as pie, though.
Speaker 2:Oh, she is.
Speaker 1:She's sweet as pie, she's the sweetest, she'll give you all the hugs and the kisses, but girl, no, that's interesting. Ok. So one of my questions. I told you guys it was awful, what was I recording? So, as far as being single, being a mother, and then what does it look like for you guys dating-wise? It's ghetto out here in the streets. It's ghetto out here. It's so ghetto. It is ghetto out here.
Speaker 2:No.
Speaker 1:There's a like Mm-mm.
Speaker 2:I got a roster.
Speaker 1:You got a roster, I got a roster. So I mean, I think maybe it came in two. I don't think I got a roster. I don't think I got a roster, not a five.
Speaker 2:Let's start with two. Let's start with two.
Speaker 1:I mean, this is the first time that I started dating In almost two years, I think. I've been separated for almost two years so, and before, I've only had about three serious relationships in my life. I'm fairly in, you know, 35. Thank you, 35.
Speaker 1:But, yeah, I mean, but it is ghetto out here Like you have. People don't get on the dating site because all they want is sex. And then they kind of look weird, because somebody was like you need to get on this when I went under and I was like they look like just predominant.
Speaker 2:Which one's have you done?
Speaker 1:So in my single life and I did online dating, I did Black people meet Bumble Facebook dates. Let me put these down. I did Facebook dates and they was weird.
Speaker 2:They do look weird, like I didn't ever see nobody look Facebook dates.
Speaker 1:I was saying Bumble was fun, because Bumble is the one where you have to pay for that one right. No, you have to breathe, that's the one where, like if you like the guy and the guy likes you, if you don't reach out to the guy y'all will never talk, so that way your inbox is not full. Yeah, it's just foolish, so I like that one.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you can set the tone for what you want.
Speaker 1:So like, if you really like them, send them a little cute, you know, a little cute message, a little funny joke, and you can get it started, like get it popping. But don't get on Tinder. Don't get on Facebook. That was weird. On Tinder, yeah, I was like I was about to get stopped and I was on there for two days and I had to go and like make sure I was up. Just don't get catfished on the date. Well, they all that's what I said. I'm like I've got catfished so many times.
Speaker 2:And maybe I was just catfished, I don't know.
Speaker 1:I just want to meet somebody like the old fashioned way.
Speaker 2:Me too.
Speaker 1:Like I feel like it's almost embarrassing to do a dating website, like I feel like I'm desperate, but I was married for like a long time. How old were you I?
Speaker 2:was just.
Speaker 1:J 12. So we were married, we just got divorced, Let me get divorced friend.
Speaker 2:I tried to forget it. This year Wasn't it this year?
Speaker 1:What is it 2023? It was final Like my birthday, because I was like happy birthday to you girl. Yes, it was final on my birthday, but we have been separated since 2019. Oh wow, how old was J in 2019?
Speaker 2:She's total. Now I'm living in 9th.
Speaker 1:We were married 9 years. You did meet me, I did, I think.
Speaker 2:I did for it.
Speaker 1:When I married at 22 divorce they were like 28. But I was already married. I think we were separated about a year or so. I don't know if that map adds up, but I was young and so fine. I was like how old is man? That's still so many years of my life.
Speaker 2:How old?
Speaker 1:I think we got married I was 24. I've been doing 22. No, I wasn't 24. We met when I was 24. Because I had landed when I was 21. You can tell me nothing? Pop it. I don't know what marriage is like. You know what, honestly, I loved being married. It was just the extra stuff that I stayed so long and I tried to fight for that marriage for a so long friend. I tried everything. I was like, let's go to counseling. Nope, I literally tried everything but it was like them. Drugs and alcohol was so much, it was more than me and those kids and God could ever be for them. So it didn't work. But I stayed and I literally feel like as a parent I really tormented myself and my kids because I drug them along in that mess. Well, I think you see it as a holy matrimony. Yeah.
Speaker 1:So I did take it seriously, I was like I literally want to honor this promise that I made before God. But yeah, I don't know as far as dating knows. Get up, you haven't met nobody. I haven't met nobody. My sister used to tell me Kathy, how are you going to meet someone if you don't go out? I just tell them, the Lord's going to send them the land home.
Speaker 2:I just don't have to see them at church. He's in a fire.
Speaker 1:I'm like, yeah, I don't know single section. I do have a funny story, though, about one of the guys I'm talking to currently. We do have a funny story at church. So he goes to the church and it might not be as hilarious because you had to have been there, but you know Clarissa Billy's life.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you can ask her. It was hilarious, but one of the guys that I'm talking to currently.
Speaker 1:He went to church about a year ago and we were doing an impromptu praise, so everybody's going back to their seat. I'm like gathering my stuff on the seat right and I know this isn't video, but you know me, I have a big behind so I'm gathering my stuff on the seat and I step back, I step on this man's whole big toe, back him into the wall Like I'm laying there. Oh God, oh God. I was so mortified. He was like wait, wait, wait. He looked me in my eye and didn't say nothing. He's like you're OK. I'm like I'm so sorry. And that was that. I went after service to apologize to him, to check it and see if his toe was not broken, and he gave me a hand shake and he said no.
Speaker 2:I'm good, that was good.
Speaker 1:Like I'm all right. He said it's an anointed step. So yeah, he said it was anointed.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's what he told me. He told me you're booty free?
Speaker 1:Yeah, probably Probably. He comes out and says anointed. He said God has blessed us All of you. He said, hallelujah, he's putting down my toe. Thank you guys, thank you, hallelujah, he's worthy. So I mean that's like a cute story that we can just bring up. You know, at the wedding, yes, and maybe, who knows, you never know, we're at the. You know, just talking stuff he's on the rough.
Speaker 1:Yeah, he's on the rough. He got some points on there. Yeah, put a cute story. That's cute. That's extra points. You gotta have a cute story. I know, yeah, does he have kids? He does not. He does not have any kids. So as far as wanting kids, I don't believe he does.
Speaker 2:I mean do he want more kids?
Speaker 1:I don't know. I always say if God wants to bless me and bless me, I would definitely be a completely different mom than what I was to my first born. Yeah, let's definitely you want more kids, oh, no, no, I'll be your baby Godmother, yeah, yeah. You see, I'm a totally different Person to press, then I guess presents like my G baby.
Speaker 1:That's my G. This is my brother in Jess's baby. Yeah, yeah, baby, she gots my whole this I can't say my whole eye, cuz of my my ear that she might be mad, but she got, like you know, look, one of just. She came to nothing wrong. She's so cute she can't do nothing wrong and so, yeah, she'll be to a November. Oh yeah, oh yeah, she is sweet. Okay, yeah, but I'm not dating but I do.
Speaker 1:I do, um, I want to date. Like I miss being at home, like Netflixing on the couch, and like I like being married. I love being married. Can I ask you a question? Ask me how, um, how long would you wait to introduce your kids to somebody? Oh, oh see, that's my thing because they're girls. So then it gives me pause, you know, whenever someone may want to meet them too early, or for it to, it makes my heart be fast to think about Having the girls like around somebody. You know, it makes me nervous. I don't want to say anxious, because I it's not that far, but I don't know. I don't know how I would have to know, like For sure, for sure but then I guess, you can't really know.
Speaker 2:And so sure for sure, because and they're hard crowd and they baby.
Speaker 1:They are hard crowd, that is my kids can't be uncomfortable, because I've lived there before yeah, and so I can't. I can't compromise Because I'm their steward, so I always have to take that into, because if they nice to be here, I I you know for real, though was over there, oh, and so I just um, it would have to be someone who was safe with kids. I literally would do it so different this time.
Speaker 2:They'd be like who she? Is they happy?
Speaker 1:Because I'd be like hey, you can check my background, but I gotta check yours too, like it would have to be some deep, some thorough kind of stuff. Yeah you know, because they're, even if, if Landon was still there. They're kids, you know which letting wrong, so you don't count, but their girls and so, um, I Just don't want them to be safe and for it to be a safe and healthy relationship for me and for them.
Speaker 2:I agree, but I don't want to my kids.
Speaker 1:now he can have kids to that way it wouldn't seem one-sided. I don't know I'm so, I wouldn't mind it, but at the same time I'm just like, yeah, how would your baby do though? She does good with JC, see, and that's one thing. That too like I don't think that I would ever be serious with someone Move in and have a life until she's out of my house because she can say she's good all day.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but when something gets my attention taken away from her because she is an only child and she very much has only child syndrome.
Speaker 2:She gets jealous because she gets my kids that only child syndrome. They act like they're because you're like your mom and useful.
Speaker 1:Each and every one of them. All act like they're the only child. You thought I was an only child at first time. And then I'm sitting and I'm like wait, I remember sitting at the house and it was like yeah, yeah. The horseman was missing. I'm like they are on the child syndrome. Yeah, thank you, but I don't know that I think I would say would be a good record.
Speaker 1:Not to say that I want to put my child in front of a relationship because, you know, I just if she was uncomfortable, most definitely, um, we would probably explore it if I was already too far into it. And if she says so because kids are the best, oh, they know my readers like they'll be, like mm-hmm, such as such, as, such as such, as the church, and that she, they will read their rights like kids or they know before you know, so yeah, I would have a mistake that if it's really ordained by god, I think that he'll prepare it.
Speaker 2:A thousand, you know.
Speaker 1:I think, that if we don't, rush it, and I've just got to speak to myself because I really want to be.
Speaker 2:I want to be married.
Speaker 1:I want to be a whole life.
Speaker 2:I see, I don't know what that's like it's amazing. I'm good yeah.
Speaker 1:The first Six months to a year was amazing. Yeah, and we're straight down here from there. Yeah, no, and I have the same desire she has once being married. It's like I think now you can probably like assess of this, but I think now, looking at it, I know um how important it is to pick the right part right, yeah, right, how it is like I tell people, at time I felt a lot of the reasons why people get divorced if those red flags that were there before absolutely ignored it.
Speaker 2:And all of a sudden there's something to where you can't ignore.
Speaker 1:I know that for that being my own situation. Those little things were like dang, this, we have the bad day, but it just kept happening.
Speaker 2:Can't have that make bad day. You didn't have that, it just this character, and I know that's like in you. Yes, and I ignored it, and that's what this is.
Speaker 1:Somebody to be reading the bible, hallelujah Lord. We're all know I can do all things through Christ to strengthen its marriage. Just because they read like that, that don't mean they say well, what if Pastor Pierce say the never went to church?
Speaker 2:Baby, he didn't write to church, your head also starts leaving us. Uh-huh, and I think, if you know it's okay.
Speaker 1:I would lose. I think you know too like you do know people. People want to ignore it and, and it's just because the toxic is, sometimes it bangs the best.
Speaker 2:I'm not gonna lie to you. That's what it says.
Speaker 1:It's like what do the people think? What will they think? Because I had landed before. Um, I'm in my husband's, so it's like my husband, boy, don't do that, because I already told you y'all, we're clean. I don't care how right you make him, don't that bring him back around? But I think that it for me it was like even on the wedding day I was still like I don't want to marry him Really.
Speaker 2:I didn't want to, I did.
Speaker 1:He came and asked me he's like hey, you ready for this, like you want to get married? I don't know, let's just go, let's just go. And if I would have probably stopped in process I'd have been like wait, what? Yeah, and it's just when you get there, it's like you're so like what will happen. What will these people in this room think? And they're not even considering. Those people went home and they live in a everyday life. I'll never have been tormented, never having to go through those things that you and your kids have to go through, just by me saying, by me settling and it was more than a settle baby, that was a lie down and die. That was like you didn't just settle baby, you just said just go lay down somewhere. You know, I didn't want to do it. I did it and I. It took everything in me for me not to take because I had to do.
Speaker 1:So. My mama and I just wanted to tell her so bad, I was just like I'm saying my mom's scared, like my mom's scared. And she was just like what's up? And I was pregnant with jaycee. I had linden already, then I had Riley. I was pregnant with jaycee and I just came saying my mom, I don't know, I'm scared, and I was just like I don't know if he's gonna do the right thing. And she was like he's good, he's good. And it was like I think it was more hurting I wanted to Still be embarrassed too, you know and then me, like Three whole babies and they got one of us man, Even though the girls had the same dad.
Speaker 1:That was like a thing. You know, like I don't want baby daddy, but he's crazy too.
Speaker 1:You know, like it was. It was a thing, so I didn't want to do it. Yeah, my advice to you just when it comes to that point I think if you just Trust God and really listen to all this there, make sure you're in tune and you can hear it, and I promise you you'll know, you'll know and I knew, yeah, like I'm, you know, and my marriage. Let me tell you how God tried to get me out of it.
Speaker 1:My marriage license wasn't even signed, I still could have got at that, even like months later. Um, and it was like my childhood pastor, um, from like the first church that I ever went to pastor. Campbell called him, was like Um, he had called my mom and told my mama that her marriage license isn't even signed. They really not married and they laughed like made like a joke and I was thinking, just say something.
Speaker 2:But I didn't do it and it was like that was like my way of escape and I was telling my girls that when you're tempted, god I just provides a way of escape.
Speaker 1:I tell them that all the time it's like I can tell them something and didn't take my own advice because I should have ran fast, but yeah.
Speaker 2:I said okay.
Speaker 1:Well, no, I tried, she wanted to be done. Okay, Dummy, go on up.
Speaker 2:You want to go to the playground?
Speaker 1:with wax and glass underneath your feet. Go on up Wax and glass, all right. So how has your faith impacted your motherhood, man? It's a daily prayer walk. Yes, yeah, we most recently started going back to church. I was raised in Catholic Church. I thought about it and I'm like my kids should just know.
Speaker 1:My kids should just know faith, but if I'm not teaching her, she doesn't have youth pastors, she doesn't have a support system. You know how's she going to just know? Yeah, so we most recently started going back to church and my daughter experienced some traumatic things in the last few years and with God, man, he's turned her around into a whole other girl. She started baptized recently, right, yeah, she got re-baptized Because the first time I think she just did it because everybody's doing it. This time she kind of stepped out in her own faith and was like this is what I'm going to do and I'm standing by it. And she understood it a lot more.
Speaker 1:But God has definitely grown our relationship together tremendously. I feel like if she had anything going on as far as score her faith, even she could come to me. So it's been a big, big, big change and it's been nothing but good. Yeah, all I can say is praise God. Yeah, I think that my faith has been tested a little bit with Lendon being an adult and me having an adult child, because I'm like a worried mama, I'm that helicopter mama where I'm like mm-mm. Not my kid, uh, not my kid, and so always having been their protector and never allowing God to really step in and mold and do the things that he does. I think that I've hindered Lendon a lot, and so now I literally pray for him.
Speaker 2:I don't worry about him anymore.
Speaker 1:There were days that my stomach would hurt when he left and I was like sick, I wouldn't talk, I wouldn't. I was at work with attitude, I just I, just the girls. But the girls would be so worried and I had to tell them we got to give it to.
Speaker 2:God, but they were just worried because they felt me worried.
Speaker 1:And so I released it. I gave it to God. Lendon calls me probably three times a week just to be like what child do you mama? And that wasn't what he was doing at first. At first he was like he just a little worried. Jesus Lord, we're gonna get out of here, you know, but Does he live in town or still. Uh-huh, you know, that's the thought we live in it. Yeah, I know we don't get out there, but anyway, come to the good side.
Speaker 1:I'm trying to bring her here I'm coming, I'm coming, and so I think that it's become a faith. I've had to trust God with my kids. There's things that, like, we can say all day we trust God, but when it's the things that mean the most, it's hard to say I relinquish control and I give it to you, like I trust you with them, and so I have to say that every day.
Speaker 1:Every time there's someone that's calling me and threatening me with some guns, I got to say, god, I'm a cry. I'm a cry through it, but I trust you. I trust that she's gonna be okay. Whenever they call and say somebody got a gun, it's fine. Okay, god, I'm gonna give it to you, I'm gonna trust you.
Speaker 1:Middle school, yeah, middle school. And then Myla is the last one. They ain't saying it in Myla, but when Maya talks about her teachers being mean, I had to just say Myla, you're just gonna pray. Maybe she was having a bad day, and so just, it's the faith walk. They're girls and they're feeling to be everywhere, just like mine, and so I have to try to make sure that I don't drop them or break something, or for me to be the one that breaks their heart, because I always tell them guard your heart. They deal with a lot of pain and a lot of things because they're dad, and so for him to be there from the beginning and then now he's like absolutely nonexistent. They cry a lot and they'll see like their friends with their dad and it breaks their hearts.
Speaker 1:They'll cry and I don't understand that my dad wasn't in my life and when I was, I think I was maybe 12 or 13 because I started working with the youth at church and we will work like the middle has a chef sitting where we go work the college games or sell stuff.
Speaker 1:Well, my dad came through and he had, like he didn't know who I was and I tell you I look just like him, just with her. And he came and got some skittles and he was like, and give me my change back. And he was so ugly that I just remember like it felt like something was like heavy on my chest, like I couldn't wait to turn around and go and call my mom. We didn't have cell phones in but.
Speaker 1:I when I tell you, I went to that payphone to spend my 50 cents to call my mom, but it broke my heart and I let go. So something will hurt me and I let it go. I don't ever visit it again. And so now my dad will want a relationship and I can't feel it in my heart. I can't feel it. I've even prayed like I want to have a relationship, but I believe that it's so unhealthy that God protects me from it. And so I told my girls that too, there's some things God protects us from, and we don't even understand why. We don't understand the hurt that comes from God protecting us. But later in life we were back in the day at church. They were singing a song. You understand it better by and by.
Speaker 2:I never got it by and by.
Speaker 1:But, now things are starting to unfold in my mama eyes, you know, like in my mama heart, and then like how I raise them and things that I try to keep them from. It's not affordable, it is, and if I could shield them from every single ounce of hurt that they receive from that, I would.
Speaker 2:But I can't make it up, I can't make up for it.
Speaker 1:I can give them everything they want. And they will still say did you see them on a mama, daughter, daddy day? And I can speak from a child. So technically my mom and dad I think they got married, then had me or had me and got married before I was actually born something, learn those lines. By the time I was in kindergarten, they were divorced and my dad was that dad that was not around. He called and sometimes they're like hey, I'm coming to pick you up, I'll be the child to get stressed, sit on the couch. I'm never show up. So I know that, being an adult now, even when I got married. So I called him and was like, hey, I'm getting married, I want you to walk me down.
Speaker 1:We didn't have a relationship, but still wanted it. You still do. I'm like you know what. I wanted, caused him. He's like oh yeah, I'm coming, I have to be my girlfriend.
Speaker 2:I'm like, but I don't care, just get there, I don't care who you are, so maybe like a month or something for the wedding.
Speaker 1:He was like so I'm not going to be able to make it. So what happened was my dad was cheating on the girl I was playing with tickets and she pulled them Because she paid for them and he was with someone else and actually the lady was pregnant, I believe. Yeah, the lady was pregnant because they got married. I got married in May, they got married in either June or July right behind me and pulled them. I felt bad because the lady actually called me or went to my mom or somehow made contact with me. I was like, hey, I'm so sorry, I'm going to mess up her wedding day, but I just can't.
Speaker 2:I was like I get it.
Speaker 1:So now being an adult, maybe like two years ago, I've been on a healing journey for myself, so I've been doing my therapy and fighting this podcast and one of the things I had to repair was that relationship with him. So I reached out to him and I just let him I forgive you For what you put me through as a child, because I think I was in middle school or high school. I couldn't do it. I didn't know what I told him, but he called my mom.
Speaker 2:Look what your daughter did. She doesn't know. I did it For daughter, I did it.
Speaker 1:I did it, but I think you need that.
Speaker 2:You have to.
Speaker 1:I did it. I was like 19. I was like you I told him I could not get on a brother at that time. At this point, my dad has four kids. At that time I only got two. I'm his oldest His oldest and my mom's oldest. But, anyway told him I forgive you For a second thing. We had a little bit of relationship, but then we had an issue, because now he's like you have a sister, you need to come on and I'm going to visit your sister no, I don't Let her have my kid.
Speaker 2:I'm an adult, so we can have a no, so do we talk now?
Speaker 1:No, but has it been healed? This is open door, but I no longer a long-survived.
Speaker 2:I think because it's been healed and repaired.
Speaker 1:And I know that if you wanted it to be an open door, it's a process. I would definitely say I don't know how you guys feel about therapy, but I would say probably one of the best things for your children is to put them in therapy. I agree with that.
Speaker 1:I'm changing my girls life. I think that they need it. I think that they don't grieve a lot because they have a fear of it hurting me, and I think that's like with my mom. They'll talk about my mama and then they'll look at me and I'll be like I don't get it, what do you want? It's okay. And then sometimes they'll cry, sometimes they'll laugh. I've gotten to the point where now I can talk about my mom and I don't cry, or I can talk to them about their dad and I don't get angry. I understand that. That's who I am now, with my dad and, I guess, my ex to a certain degree.
Speaker 2:I don't know where she brings up.
Speaker 1:Sometimes I feel like but what did you make? Nah, I don't want to go to the doctor. No, I don't Quit acting crazy. I don't want to go to the doctor. Nah, I don't Take it out on the whole country. But anyway, but no, for sure, I think that therapy and I wish I would have gotten to it younger Because, like we would have just stopped dragging the baggage around and then cut off. So I think with her being in that this age is it definitely going to make a difference.
Speaker 1:Yeah, because she gave her the courage to stand up and say hard things. It definitely gave her the courage to not stand up to her dad. But, like, set boundaries, clear boundaries, and her therapist is teaching her what kind of relationship she wants with her dad. And if it's non-existent, and set those boundaries and stick by him. Because us as women, sometimes we can set boundaries all we want. Ask us, do we stick by him?
Speaker 2:Because if he says that, right then, About 60% of the time we don't.
Speaker 1:Maybe more. So I'm mostly I'm going to start therapy. I think it's next week. I'm excited about that Because I mean, everybody has to.
Speaker 2:Yes, and I, because I didn't mind. I think the first couple of sessions were every two weeks. Where now?
Speaker 1:I'm like every six weeks Because I think I didn't want to get to where I felt like I had to talk to my therapist. I wanted therapists who were like teach me what I need to be able to navigate these everyday life things.
Speaker 2:And I'll come back and check in with you. Yes, and.
Speaker 1:I'm trying to be like dependent on you, like, yeah, I didn't have to buy a bottle of wine. No, we don't even just go every week? No, but I thought like no, she doesn't. She doesn't go every week now. No, now we're at every two weeks. But like I feel when they're young, like this, is the way I felt about it. I need to set her up early now because I see myself as an adult.
Speaker 2:And.
Speaker 1:I'm traumatized literally. So I started her early and it's been amazing. I think back in the day there was a stigma.
Speaker 2:Oh, I thought that there is one, though.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it was like girl. You know, she crazy, she got a counselor.
Speaker 2:Yeah, nice Don't do it Because we all need a counselor.
Speaker 1:I just told my grandma that today she was like you know, that was crazy. I said yeah. I need their pursuits.
Speaker 2:She says everybody else in this world, yeah, ok, yeah.
Speaker 1:She's like I got one. I want to talk about God. And I said God, I said you need a therapist right here, it's the God's counsel. God's counsel. I said oh fine, jesus is my therapist.
Speaker 2:I was like girl bye, so is there anything I?
Speaker 1:guess any words of encouragement or anything. You would tell a single mother or a single father that's listening to this to kind of like give them a little boost to keep going. You're doing great, you're doing great. You're doing amazing with the tools you have. Keep going. Your kids absolutely adore you, even though sometimes you feel you go to sleep and they may hate you but, keep going, keep pushing. It's not a race, it's not a cakewalk, it's. Every day is a new adventure, and just don't give up on yourself.
Speaker 1:And one thing that I can definitely 100% say if you do not have a church home, get into a church home, take your kids to the cross, because nobody else is going to do it. No, my favorite scripture is cast all your cares on him because he cares for you. So I just always take that as God cares about what I care about. So if I could give any advice, it would be to give yourself a break.
Speaker 1:Let him carry what you can't carry we can't do it all and to give ourselves a break both mentally, physically, spiritually because when we give ourselves a break spiritually, we're giving it to him.
Speaker 1:I think that we put too much weight on ourselves, based on what the world thinks our home should look like, how they think that we should parent. And so, just as a human being who makes mistakes, give yourself a break when you overdo it. As a parent, give yourself a break when you go too far. As a parent, give yourself a break. Give your kids a break. They're not robots. You're not a robot. So, I don't know, give yourself a break and guard your heart. That's what I say, and apologize to your kids.
Speaker 2:Apologize, please apologize If you even have nothing else and then live to that If you don't take nothing else, apologize to your kids, because they deserve that they do.
Speaker 1:They're young, we have young adults. How are they going to know how to apologize if? You can't even apologize to them they won't, and then allow them to talk, like Riley will just talk about the most random stuff.
Speaker 1:Then here comes Jacey they talking about the most random stuff and sometimes I want to run out the room Like I do. I want to kind of, ok, a friend they talking about this friend, listen. But it's fun because then they trust me. They trust me with small things and so if you allow them to talk, even if it's 10 minutes, just sit. And the first couple of times it may be a little bit awkward if you haven't ever allowed them to talk, but just be like what y'all do today. What's the one time I said what's the tea? They was like mama, don't everybody say what's the tea? What they say, I don't know. Somebody even knows how they never tell me what the cool thing was to say. But I was like girls, what's the tea? Who's? What's the cheese made? That's what Riley said. What's the cheese made? I said what.
Speaker 2:But yeah, they just blab.
Speaker 1:Because they're glad to have a parent or someone who listens.
Speaker 2:Yes, that they feel like has them back.
Speaker 1:So if you just listen, even if it's about who had on what shoes and girl, she thought her hair was good. She had tried to say something about my part because I had my part on the side. She's like why?
Speaker 2:your hair like this.
Speaker 1:Then I was like girl, because I like it, like they just go on and it's things that they really can't vent to their friends without causing drama issues, but they have your heart enough to listen to what flows from their heart. Yeah. Also get it tried. Me and her need a lot on each other. The village yes, we need a village. It takes a village. I remember hearing that as a kid and being, like they, so dumb I cannot stand to hear them say it takes a village.
Speaker 2:What is?
Speaker 1:a village and you just be thinking about Pocahontas, like the Hust.
Speaker 2:But it's really important. Yes, it is important.
Speaker 1:It's important To have someone to lean on, that knows what you're going through. It might not be the exact situation, but they can relate in some shape way, form or fashion and you just vent that village helps you drive a lot of those tears.
Speaker 1:It saves you some tears, because sometimes I'll be needing to be in five places at one time and I just can cry Because I'll never want one kid to feel like hurry men is more important than hers. But they're at the same time at three different schools and it hurts me to be like we can't go. And then I'm like friend, hey, what do I do? She's like don't go to none of them and then I tell the girls hey, we just not going to go.
Speaker 1:Let's just go out to eat. Let's get some ice cream. They'll be like cool.
Speaker 1:Sometimes you just need that you just need to give yourself a break and it's like I feel like I'm on the hook to be this perfect mom because they lack a dad, and it's like I don't want to let them down. I don't want to be that other person that harms their heart, and so I do too much sometimes. Well, we were just talking about that overcompensating. My kid doesn't know, no, her kids don't either, but it's because we overcompensate for what they lack in it Father. So I was banging groceries at HEP not too long ago, girl, Trying to make sure I paid the track shoes and braids and everything. Groceries yeah. I was working at H-R-M-B-L-L-E-C-T yeah, doing two jobs. I mean, we both been there. I bet you they go ahead and snag snake one.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we about to stop missing poppies. You guys need some Mm-hmm.
Speaker 1:Just what Poppies.
Speaker 2:Is that what?
Speaker 1:they're called Right Poppies, the Pockels. What's the name of that? I don't know them little sticks with the poppies.
Speaker 2:Oh the poppies, no poppies.
Speaker 1:Like some little breadsticks things.
Speaker 2:But they're like dipped in frosting or something. They're like some Asian yeah.
Speaker 1:Pockels, pockels I don't know what. They're called Pockeys. Anyway, we're going to bring you some to church.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Probably one.
Speaker 2:Oh, yeah, yeah, I should have had one. I'm going to bring you some.
Speaker 1:I'm going to show you what they look like. This is what we miss hard about. Oh, okay, we're going to start missing. We're going to start missing.
Speaker 2:We're going to start missing.
Speaker 1:I think my end date is October 14th. We'll bring you a stocking for Christmas.
Speaker 2:I commit you because I quit on the first date.
Speaker 1:I'm not even going to lie. I've been avoiding airing like a plague. I see it on Facebook.
Speaker 2:No, I quit the first date. I called Kat and said Fran, we're going to do 75.
Speaker 1:She's telling me, friend, I quit. I said y'all did 75. I saw I said y'all did 75. I saw I said y'all did 75. Soft, Soft, hard I quit. Thank you guys for being honest and open and inspiring those that are listening to know that it's just you, don't have to be perfect, Amen. And I think even just listening to that is just myself and realizing that I don't have to be perfect.
Speaker 1:So those are the people that are listening that are just maybe not quite to parenthood yet. You may be an auntie hood or, yes God, I'm a hood, amen. You might as well be part of the village.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:You in the hood Right.
Speaker 1:Yes, you might as well be in the hood, but just know that you don't have to be perfect, and don't forget to apologize as needed. Yes, so before you pray, my last question that I'm going to switch it up. I was walking and I was like why do I not ask this question? Like thank you, holy Spirit. And then I'm here on out how the ending is asking what do you stand for? And the reason for me asking this question is because the name of this podcast is standing in your truth with Yonnie. So I was like duh, I should have done that a long time ago.
Speaker 2:So what do you guys stand for?
Speaker 1:And it can be something simple or it can be like something wrong. I stand for integrity, boldness, I stand for Christ, I stand for mamas, I stand for kids. I feel like I'm an advocate for a lot of kids and I'll go to bed for you, for any and everybody, as long as I feel like it's not just crazy, but I do. I stand for truth, yeah. Yeah I think she kind of summed it up for me because all those things I mean, of course I stand with God, I stand boldly, you know, and I think that's it Like truth. Yes.
Speaker 1:You pretty much said everything I wanted to say yeah, yeah, yeah. So I'm actually going to answer this question, because I thought of it and I don't think I've answered it.
Speaker 2:I stand for kindness and for the community that I'm being a part of, but I'm a part of to make sure that they're not, that they know that they're loved and that they're heard and seen.
Speaker 1:I think I've recently I can say thanks to Aaron realized how important it is to be seen and heard and whether it be, you know, obviously since we're dating, like that's our relationship or just friendship in general, like if I feel like my friends don't see and hear me, then it's like what are we doing?
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:Something.
Speaker 2:I think that's what I stand for.
Speaker 1:So let's not be insane, right. Can you pray for us? Yes, okay, thank you Jesus for today. Thank you Jesus for Yanni and for Kat and for Yanni sitting the platform for us to be able to share our mama hearts, because it's not easy, and I thank you for allowing us to be truthful and to be able to be vulnerable and to also be willing to learn. Lord, I pray that every parent that hears this, and just all the parents, god, that you give them a special blessing, bless that mama that's struggling bless that, daddy, that's struggling.
Speaker 1:Bless that parent that doesn't have enough. God, be an overflow. Those are hard things, god, and I just pray and ask that you would just bless our kids. Help us to continue to long to grow in you so that we can be better mamas and better dads, and better aunties and better God mamas, lord, help us to be in someone's village, to help us be a light to those who come around us. And, god, we don't take it for granted that you chose us. I feel like we're chosen and I don't take that lightly. So thank you, lord, for everything. Jesus, thank you, man, amen, alright, last but not least, just remember that you are loved. God does not make mistakes. You are who you are for a reason. It's not too late to make a U-turn. Like Kat said earlier, if you're looking for a church home, you can come find us at Hope Alive you know, the church address yes, 305 East 19th.
Speaker 1:Oh, come on, there you go. 10 and 12, 7 pm on Wednesdays you can come sit with any of us, but just remember you're loved.
Speaker 2:And whenever you're fighting.
Speaker 1:You don't have to fight it alone. You can come reach out to me. One of them, put them on the spot.
Speaker 2:As a hubby, for sure.
Speaker 1:And then just also remember that technically you're not alone.
Speaker 2:God is sitting there, right there, with you Right there.
Speaker 1:He's going to let him in. He's right there waiting for you and he will provide the people.
Speaker 2:Come on.
Speaker 1:Say God, I'm lonely.
Speaker 2:He will Right there, there he'll be right there.
Speaker 1:And you know what, if I anything else. So the last episode was obedient, Because I say, sometimes it's those moments where it's like I don't know why, but I'd be like why is this person so like having on my heart and my mind for me to reach out to, and it could be because they said like or the Lord knows, hey, they need a friend right now. So it's you being obedient and allowing God to use you to turn to that person. I just think that's important.
Speaker 2:So as soon as you say, I used to ignore it.
Speaker 1:I'm like I'm busy, so that important. So now I'm like when it happens I just say thank you for using me and she's going to message me, and a lot of times it's like hey, I was just thinking, or hey, I was.
Speaker 2:So now it works out.
Speaker 1:But you listen to say thank you guys again for coming, thank you. And I'm going to put them on the spot. Looking for their podcast soon. I'm going to make them start, one Bye.